【写作小分队】6.9考前要写30篇，老年人也要写作文呐

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-10 00:05:33

【20120601】
好吧，老年人木有坚持写作文，这是可耻的。
儿童节来卖萌，更是可耻。
但是，JJ的作文是一定要准备的啦！
——————————————————————————————————
【雄心壮志的时候】
老年人也要写作文啊……
一战检验了下，Toefl 作文25的水平。期望下次能进步到28，哦耶。

老年人发现G&T的准备过程中，最懒得准备的就是作文，每次都是临考前写两篇就硬头皮上场了，什么词汇啊，拼写啊，闪光句型啊，完全木有。现在就来颠覆坏习惯吧。每天写一篇，写到6月9号，开贴逼自己一把。

恳求紧密围绕在鸟儿斑斑周围的小分队的小队友们毫不留情不顾大龄狠狠批。

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-10 00:08:43

5月9日11.8.5 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for your friend to ask you for help (suppose you are good at the subject) than to turn to a tutor when he finds it hard to pass an examination.

Nowadays, campus life is much more colorful than before. Students are facing diverse selective courses and countless activities which result in less time spent on each course and even more absenteeism. Therefore, sometimes they may have problems to get well scores in the examinations. When a course confronts a friend of mine with difficulties to pass the examination, he may ask me for help as I am good at the subject. But I would strongly propose he should turn to a tutor because a tutor is more helpful than a friend under this circumstance.

For one thing, tutors are more qualified for instruction. Tutors have remarkably deeper understanding of the subject than students like me who just start the course as my friend does. A tutor must pass some tests to get the qualification as a permission to teach. Therefore, a tutor not only has to good at this field but also know more than students enrolled in the subject. With more systematic knowledge and deeper understanding of the course, a tutor could give students adequate explanations and directions professionally. For instance, once I was confused with 2 definitions in a Philosophy course just before an examination, I asked my roommate who seemed to have quite good understanding about the subject. He kindly explained the problem to me. Unfortunately, it turned out that we both failed in the examination because his basic understanding of the subject is totally wrong and it also misled me. From this aspect, a tutor is more reliable and can help my friend make more significant strides in the examination.

Also, tutors have more teaching experience. An experienced tutor can quickly find out the weak parts of a student’s study and provide respective solutions to figure out the problems. We may cite the study in the course of Mathematics as an example. A student has difficulties in the word problems. When he asks for his friends’ help, they may kindly tell him how to work out the certain problem with a specific formula. Thus, the student overcomes this problem. Nonetheless, when the subject or the situation in the same problem changes, the student will get stuck again. On the contrary, tutor will firstly ask the students several questions to determine whether the student could not understand the situation described in question or he has no idea about where and how the formula can apply to practical problems. In this way, the student can avoid the useless work in wrong directions and focus on the weak parts of the solving process after the tutor’s clear and overall interpretation of the universal method for this kind of problems. A tutor’s help is quite efficient due to the teaching experience.

In the end, with helpful skills to arouse interests and to encourage further improvement, a tutor can bring in more self-motivation to learn more about a subject. As we all know, the final purpose of study in universities is not just the score written on the transcript but to improve the capability and the independence of students. Even though seeking help from friends is convenient and time-saving, it also makes people become lazy and dependent. Thus, a tutor is helpful to encourage students to study on their own initiative.

To sum up, though personally I would give some useful recommendations to my friend for the preparation of the examination, I believe it is always a better choice to turn to a tutor to give him definitely correct and scientific instruction.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-5-10 00:38:32

欢迎小心姐加入~！
共同进步哈，30+稳稳的~
晚安~

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-10 10:00:54

欢迎小心姐加入~！
共同进步哈，30+稳稳的~
晚安~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/5/10 0:38:32)

嘿，谢谢小依晨，麽麽

也美 · 发表于 2012-5-10 10:40:12

欢迎小心姐加入~！
共同进步哈，30+稳稳的~
晚安~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/5/10 0:38:32)

嘿，谢谢小依晨，麽麽

-- by 会员张小心 (2012/5/10 10:00:54)

真棒小心!下个月我也这样做！

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-10 10:50:23

欢迎小心姐加入~！
共同进步哈，30+稳稳的~
晚安~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/5/10 0:38:32)

嘿，谢谢小依晨，麽麽

-- by 会员张小心 (2012/5/10 10:00:54)

真棒小心!下个月我也这样做！

-- by 会员也美 (2012/5/10 10:40:12)

你终于会用引用了，哈哈

stefaniewyh · 发表于 2012-5-10 23:24:06

小雪改小心5.9独立

Nowadays, campus life is much more colorful than before. Students are facing diverse selective courses and countless activities which result in less time spent on each course and even more absenteeism. （前面这个原因太有局限性了，同学有问题有很多原因。开头最好说的直白一些，阐述背景这种开头方式最好从很大范围说。曾经看到有人说Nowadays开头太低级了，最好找个有自己特点的开头方式） Therefore, sometimes they may have problems to get well scores in the examinations. When a course confronts a friend of mine with difficulties to pass the examination, he may ask me for help as I am good at the subject. But I would strongly propose he should turn to a tutor because a tutor is more helpful than a friend under this circumstance.（this circumstance被你换了概念了，题目说的是suppose you are good at the subject，所以应该说的是你有能力回答他的问题。）

For one thing, tutors are more qualified for instruction. Tutors have remarkably deeper/profound understanding of the subject than students like me who just start the course as my friend does. A tutor must pass some tests to get the qualification as a permission to teach. Therefore, a tutor not only has to be good at this field but also know more than students enrolled in the subject. With more systematic knowledge and deeper understanding of the course, a tutor could give students adequate explanations and directions professionally. For instance, once I was confused with 2 definitions in a Philosophy course just before an examination, I asked my roommate who seemed to have quite good understanding about the subject. He kindly explained the problem to me. Unfortunately, it turned out that we both failed in the examination because his basic understanding of the subject is totally wrong and it also misled me. From this aspect, a tutor is more reliable and can help my friend make more significant strides in the examination.

Also, tutors have more teaching experience. An experienced tutor can quickly find out the weak parts of a student’s study and provide respective solutions to figure out the problems. We may cite the study in the course of Mathematics as an example. A student has difficulties in the word problems. When he asks for his friends’ help, they may kindly tell him how to work out the certain problem with a specific formula. Thus, the student overcomes this problem. Nonetheless, when the subject or the situation in the same problem changes, the student will get stuck again. On the contrary, tutor will firstly ask the students several questions to determine whether the student could not understand the situation described in question or he has no idea about where and how the formula can apply to practical problems. [In this way, the student can avoid the useless work in wrong directions and focus on the weak parts/drawbacks of the solving process after the tutor’s clear and overall interpretation of the universal method for this kind of problems.](这句话很长，结构单一，最好改成从句形式)A tutor’s help is quite efficient due to the teaching experience.

In the end, with helpful/beneficial skills to arouse interests and to encourage further improvement, a tutor can bring in more self-motivation to learn more about a subject. As we all know, the final purpose of study in universities is not just the score written on the transcript but to improve the capability and the independence of students. Even though seeking help from friends is convenient and time-saving, it also makes people become lazy and dependent. Thus, a tutor is helpful to encourage students to study on their own initiative.

To sum up, though personally I would give some useful recommendations to my friend for the preparation of the examination, I believe it is always a better choice to turn to a tutor to give him(改成for吧，有点罗嗦) definitely correct and scientific instruction.

结构很清晰，例子也非常合适。说说问题吧：

- 字数不用这么多，30分钟很难写出来这么多东西。ETS看重的是语言逻辑。个人认为你的表达很多地方都可以简略写的。

- 句式有点平淡，太多and。如果两个之间有先后顺序，你可以用sequently之类的开头写后面一句。如果有小小的递进关系，你也可以用句式把这个关系扩大。其实有的时候写作文思想感情也要夸张一点。所以多用些倒装句，祈使句，反问句，排比句。

- 词汇方面也少了些亮点。平时看英语是准备一个小本子记下来一些地道的动词，形容词，副词和短语，在作文中用到会很有亮点的。可以看看鸟儿的作文，表达很好。我最后作文机经没时间写都是拿她的当范文来看的~

不好意思没时间帮你改写一下，以后有空多沟通吧。写完了也可以自己改写句子。没有时间的压力可以好好斟酌一下的。

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-11 00:05:49

5月10日11.8.20 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a big company is to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

Nowadays, an ever-increasing number of enterprise managers recognize that employees, a special resource compared to other traditional resources such as capital and lands, can have remarkable effect on the performance of their companies. But at the same time, some people go to the other extreme arguing that for large enterprises largest investment should be spent on the improvement of the efficiency and proficiency of the staff because it is the most worth doing. From my point of view, this statement cannot bear further examination

Above all, the main reason is that the investment decision should be on the basis of the strategy of the company. As we all know, the strategy varies not only from industry to industry and from company to company, but also in the different development steps of the same industry or enterprise. The most interesting example can be found in the textile factories. In the early textile industry, the production process mainly depended on the handwork of workers which means the efficiency and proficiency of the workers were equal to the quality and quantity of the outcome. Under this circumstance, there is no doubt on the observably importance of the investment spent on the training to improve employees’ productivity. But when the textilemachineries were developed and brought into the textile industry a couple of decades ago, the strategies of all companies in the industry were subverted. Large instruments took the place of a tremendous amount of workers. The most important investment now is the purchase and maintenance of the equipments.

Also, the training of employees’ current work is not the only aspect of human resource management (HRM). In the past several decades, HRM gradually becomes a significant part of the general management of a company especially the large ones. HRM helps to achieve organizational objective by diverse methods including the training of efficiency and also others such as Employee orientation, career planning and work shift which may be equal or even more important because these methods strengthen the sense of belonging to the company and decrease the loss rate of excellent key employees.

To sum up, as the topic statement obviously make the rash decision regardless of the strategy, oversimplify the content of human resource management as well as ignore the complexity of employees, I disagree with it. Personally, I suggest that it would be better to make any investment decision after taking into account every specific and circumstance of the company.

张小心 · 发表于 2012-5-11 00:09:45

非常感谢小雪的批改意见。我会再修改的。
发了今天的才看到你的批改，结果就是我又华丽丽滴使用了nowadays……

包子不包子 · 发表于 2012-5-11 00:56:38

Nowadays, an ever-increasing number of enterprise managers recognize that employees, a special resource compared to other traditional resources such as capital and lands, can have remarkable effects on the performance of their companies. But at the same time, some people go to the other extreme arguing that for large enterprises the largest investment should be spent on the improvement of the efficiency and proficiency of the staff because it is the most worth doing thing. From my point of view, this statement cannot bear further examination.

Above all, the main reason is that the investment decision should be on the basis of the strategy of the company. As we all know, the strategy varies not only from industry to industry and from company to company, but also in the different development steps of the same industry or enterprise. The most interesting example can be found in the textile factories. In the early textile industry, the production process mainly depended on the好像不加冠词恰当些 handwork of workers which means the efficiency and proficiency of the workers were equal to the quality and quantity of the outcome没看懂唉还有和前半句联系也没明白. Under this circumstance, there is no doubt on the observably importance of the investment spent on the training to improve employees’ productivity. But when the textilemachineries were developed and brought into the textile industry a couple of decades ago, the strategies of all companies in the industry were subverted. Large instruments took the place of a tremendous amount of workers. The most important investment now is the purchase and maintenance of the equipments.

Also, the training of employees’ current work is not the only aspect of human resource management (HRM). In the past several decades, HRM gradually becomes a significant part of the general management of a company especially the large onesthe largest one?. HRM helps to achieve organizational objective by diverse methods including the training of efficiency and also others such as Employee orientation, career planning and work shift which may be equal or even more important because these methods strengthen the sense of belonging to the company and decrease the loss rate of excellent key employees.

To sum up, as the topic statement obviously make the rash decision regardless of the strategy, oversimplify the content of human resource management as well as ignore the complexity of employees, I disagree with it. Personally, I suggest that it would be better to make any investment decision after taking into account every specific and circumstance of the company.

小心的逻辑性无比强大！这么短的时间内！是怎么练出来的啊想学习学习嘞~
举例也很好啊要是在最后举个反例就更完美了~

【写作小分队】6.9考前要写30篇，老年人也要写作文呐

2012.5.9

2012.5.10

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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