Argument 161 第一篇Argu 求拍求狠拍！

雨霖林 · 发表于 2012-4-22 16:21:55

第一篇Argument，求拍，求狠拍！先谢过大家了~~~

Argument 161

The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.

"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a 500-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City

and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, to improve productivity, Acme should require all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the advice and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the advice.

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Improving reading speed may be helpful for a higher productivity by considering that the faster we can read, the more information we can get in a workday. However, the conclusion that Acme would benefit a lot by requiring all of their employees to take the Easy Read course is unconvincing because of the unconfirmed assumptions in the argument.

Firstly, the president assumed unfairly that their employees will have greatly improved productivity by taking the Easy Read course just based on one example with incomplete information. Without knowing the graduate’s reading speed before he/she took the course, we can not make the conclusion that the course works well. Even if the graduate’s reading speed did have a significant improve, we also need to know how many percentage of the information in the report he/she got with such a high reading speed. If he/she read it with little understanding, we can hardly claim that the fast reading is helpful for his/her work, let alone improving productivity. Thus, without these information the president’s assumption is still unwarranted.

The president also supposed that the graduate’s promotion is result from the course. However, the president provides no evidence that there is causal relationship between the two cases. It is entirely possible that the graduate got the position because the retirement of the prior vice president. What is more, the promotion might be attributed to the graduate’s communicational skills, which the graduate gets information mainly by. Obviously, without ruling out other possible reasons for the graduate’s promotion, we can not assumption that the graduate got promotion because of the Easy Read course.

Even if many other companies have successfully improved productivity by having their employees take the course, the same affect may not happen on Acme. It is entirely possible that most of employees in Acme are working in the factory and they rarely reading at their work time, even most of them may be illiterate. In this case, it is clear that requiring all of their employees to take the Easy Read course will have little affect on the productivity of the company. Thus, until we know enough information about Acme can we measure the rationality of the president’s suggest.

Last, the president claim that it is worthwhile to have their employees taking the course by compare only the cost of the course and the benefits the company may get. Actually, more influence should be considered. For example, how many employees’ efficiency is closely related to their reading speed? If they ask for a three-week off, can the company keep normally operation? How much will the company lose in this period? Without weighing all the pros and cons, the president can not justify the claim that requiring all of their employees to take the Easy Read course is good for Acme.

In sum, the suggest relies on such doubtful assumptions is unconvincing. We need more cogent examples and more information about Acme to improve the argument and take effective measures to develop the productivity of Acme.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-4-23 10:12:07

时态混乱，比如：
The president also supposed that the graduate’s promotion is result from the course. However, the president provides no evidence that there is causal relationship between the two cases.

美有节奏感，开头结尾都太简单。建议看看满分范例。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-4-23 20:08:47

你的这个逻辑链比较对
但你的开头有必要改造下，一般较好的是指出题目结论和相应的依据，最后给出自己的立场。
中间段落中一般都用一般现在时即可，不必刻意用过去时态
by compare？？the same affect affect作名词是感情的意思。
有些语法错误注意下。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-4-23 20:14:38

will have greatly improved productivity？？这里用一般将来时即可。
第一段的第一句话有点突兀
再就是我感觉有一点需要说明的是阅读速度和productivity之间是否有必然的关系
happen on Acme on用的不对，happen on是巧遇的意思。happen to 要好
语法错误还有，你可以自己仔细读读

雨霖林 · 发表于 2012-4-23 21:34:58

非常感谢前辈们的指导，

读范文+反复修改，埋头努力ing！

雨霖林 · 发表于 2012-4-24 16:48:27

重点改了一下开头和结尾，还有文中的语法错误（可能是有遗漏>_<），再请前辈们指教~

The suggestion that Acme should demand all of their employees to participate in the Easy Read course to improve productivity seems at first glance to be helpful. After all, many other companies have greatly improved their employees’ productivity by taking this measure, and the cost of the course seems to be small, especially when considering the possible benefits. However, the argument is flawed by a series of unwarranted assumptions, which may result in a wrong chose for Acme to develop the productivity.

Firstly, the president assumes unfairly that the productivity of their employees will improve greatly by taking the Easy Read course just bases on one example with incomplete information. Without the information, for example, the graduate’s reading speed before he/she took the course, we can not make the conclusion that the course works well. Even if the graduate’s reading speed did have a significant improve, we also need to know what percentage of the information in the report he/she got with such a high reading speed. If he/she read it with little understanding, we can hardly claim that the fast reading is helpful for his/her work, let alone improving productivity. Thus, without this information the president’s assumption is still unwarranted.

The president also supposes that the graduate’s promotion is result from the course. However, the president provides no evidence that there is causal relationship between the two cases. It is entirely possible that the graduate got the position because the retirement of the prior vice president. What is more, the promotion might be attributed to the graduate’s communicational skills, which the graduate gets information mainly by. Obviously, without ruling out other possible reasons for the graduate’s promotion, we can not assumption that the graduate got promotion because of the Easy Read course.

Even if many other companies have successfully improved productivity by requiring their employees to take the course, the same effect may not happen to Acme. It is entirely possible that most of employees in Acme are working in the factory and they rarely reading in their work time, even most of them may be illiterate. In this case, it is clear that requiring all of their employees to take the Easy Read course will have little effect on the productivity of the company. Thus, not until we know enough information about Acme, can we measure the rationality of the president’s suggest.

Last, the president claim that it is worthwhile to have their employees taking the course by compare only the cost of the course and the benefits the company may get. Actually, more influence should be considered. For example, how many employees’ efficiency is closely related to their reading speed? If they ask for a three weeks’ off, can the company keep normally operation? How much will the company lose in this period? Without weighing all the pros and cons, the president can not justify the claim that requiring all of their employees to take the Easy Read course is good for Acme.

In sum, we need to have additional evidence in order to test every doubtful assumption in the argument. We need to know the actually effect of the Easy Read course on more companies which are belong to the same industry with Acme. We also need to know the sum of the cost both the fees Acme will pay for the course and the possible loss in the period of the course. Only with this information can the president of Acme finally chose a right way to improve the productivity of the company and avoid any unnecessary expenses.

雨霖林 · 发表于 2012-4-24 16:54:36

您说的“节奏感”是指长短句的搭配使用么？

我的英文水平不高，常常是想到一个想法不知道怎么适当地表达，以至于一句话写了老长还是说不明白，

这种情况是不是还是需要通过多读别人的规范表达才能有所改善的？

再次感谢前辈的指教！

[作文互改] Argument 161 第一篇Argu 求拍求狠拍！

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