【写作小分队】 sunnylyvoune的作文贴==欢迎打脸

sunnylyvoune · 发表于 2012-2-28 22:33:06

topic---in today's world ,it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure everything is correct
it is not uncommon to say that people are inclining to finish even more tasks with less however ,is it true to say by finishing all the task in a hurry ,you can really finished job efficiently?
First and fore most, considering the time you might spend to tackle the mistake, is it not really digress from our mean purpose of so called, saving up the time? the fact turns out to be that the time for making up the mistakes often go beyond the time you have cut down initially , for instance, one of friends had complained to me that he felt disgruntled with the faculties which always imposing him to correct the mistakes all the time ,he felt exhausted after finishing all the corrections and do not willing to preview the tasks or finishing the homework properly, after seeing what he have undergo ,I told him with a sort of sarcasm :' buddies ,there is no cops chasing you and you are not a pilfer ,why are you always be in an hurry , just calm down and focus on your current task ,make sure all of them are correct before handing in , all the things will become better ,' he accepted the advice reluctantly ,however, after three months' industrious efforts ,he found out that grandiloquent achievements has been made .in the end , he confide to me solemnly that the only way to finish the task in the minimum time is to reassure the task was made without any mistakes.
Moreover ,one should not neglect the fact that one might face an tremendous risk if he finish all the task in haste , a student in the school, scribbled on his exercise book , lead to the consequence of rewrite ,an doctor in the hospital ,left the scalpel in the patient ,lead to the consequence of reoperation ,the ambassador in the embassy claim the declaration before perusing it ,commenced an war .from the examples above ,one can inferred that the cost of the catastrophe which might fall on you outweighs the benefits of the time you have thrift . The Chinese greatest philosopher, the one of the most astute person among the globe Confucius, has once declared to his apprentice that he, who can think twice before acting, enlighten thee.
last but not least, having all the task done with high quality will make yourself credible and earn yourself a better reputation hence lead you to be exalted by your manager, by contrast, if the all the stuff are done in an unscrupulous manner, undoubtedly, you will be expelled, getting yourself a better occupation is definitely out of the question .the consequence of time saving had, at the same time, negative a share of its most impressive achievements
regardless the fact that someone might be able to finish the task in a very short period of time ,it is better ,for the majority ,not to dismiss its drawbacks ,because seldom a man can be lucky eternally

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-2-28 22:46:40

亲~要看一下小分队的规则喔

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-2-28 23:02:27

亲~要看一下小分队的规则喔

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/28 22:46:40)

是哇~要提前在大本营交作业or占座提示才会分组对改哦~Welcome~

sunnylyvoune · 发表于 2012-2-29 08:12:07

== sorry

sunnylyvoune · 发表于 2012-3-8 23:30:05

3月 8 号综合 tpo22套 = = 貌似很晚了
In this passage, the lecture debuts the ideas rendered in the passage that there is no benefits using ethanol fuel instead of traditional gasoline .in fact as the professor argues ,the ethanol have several merits and the several drawbacks of ethanol are un substantial
To begin with, the professor states that although burning ethanol will release carbon dioxide, distinct from gasoline, its also absorb carbon dioxide in its growing procedures. As gasoline and ethanol are made by divergent raw material, it has a different impact on the climate. The professor believes that the growing of the raw material - the corn will counteract the carbon dioxide it release during burning .Thus, the professor believes that using ethanol does not cause an serious environmental problem as gasoline does
In addition of the mild impact on climate, the professor also cast doubt on the statement in the passage about the food issue. The professor claims that the statement was unconvincing because that the part of plant used to convert in to ethanol are usually the part that the animal would not likely to eat .Therefore, the professor believes that the production of ethanol does not reduce the supply of the food for animal
Moreover, even though ethanol is taken a governmental subsidy to maintain its fairly low price, the professor declares that it is not true that the ethanol is not able to compete with traditional gasoline. Because that the American producer have the capability to enhance its productivity to certain extent and reduce the forty percent of its price .as a result , the professor believes that the ethanol will be able to compete with gasoline

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-9 15:29:54

我来改啦
红色错误，蓝色疑惑，高亮精彩
In this passage, the lecture debuts the ideas rendered in the passage that there is no benefits using ethanol fuel instead of traditional gasoline .in fact as the professor argues ,the ethanol have several merits and the several drawbacks of ethanol are un substantial

To begin with, the professor states that although burning ethanol will release carbon dioxide, distinct from gasoline, its also absorbs
carbon dioxide in its growing procedures. As gasoline and ethanol are made by divergent raw material, it they has havea different impacts on the climate. The professor believes that the growing of the raw material - the corn - will counteract the carbon dioxide it releases during burning .Thus, the professor believes that using ethanol does not cause anas serious environmental problem as gasoline does
In addition of the mild impact on climate, the professor also casts doubt on the statement in the passage about the food issue. The professor claims that the statement was unconvincing because that
the part of plant used to convert in to ethanol are usually the part that the animal would not likely to eat(啊，这里我貌似理解错了) .Therefore, the professor believes that the production of ethanol does not reduce the supply of the food for animal
Moreover, even though ethanol is has
taken （这里我觉得改成has to take比较好）a governmental subsidy to maintain its fairly low price, the professor declares that it is not true that the ethanol is not able to compete with traditional gasoline. Because that the American producers have the capability to enhance its productivity to certain extent and to reduce the forty percent of its price .(这句话有点别扭，我听到的是，产量每增加30%，成本就会降低40%，你这样表达有点让人搞不清楚什么意思)asAs a result , the professor believes that the ethanol will be able to compete with gasoline。（这句话重复得很不自然啊）

词汇量很丰富啊，自叹不如唉~，总的结构什么的都没问题，就是小错误太多了，特别是主谓一致，有些长句子到后来结构就乱掉了，还有句首字母大写。恩恩，一起加油吧！

对了，不要忘记到我那里去拍砖哦~~O(∩_∩)O
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-673722-1-1.html

sunnylyvoune · 发表于 2012-3-9 16:40:56

In this passage, the lecture debuts the ideas rendered in the passage that there is no benefits using ethanol fuel instead of traditional gasoline .in fact as the professor argues ,the ethanol have several merits and the several drawbacks of ethanol are un substantial

To begin with, the professor states that although burning ethanol will release carbon dioxide, distinct from gasoline, its also absorbs
carbon dioxide in its growing procedures. As gasoline and ethanol are made by divergent raw material, it they has havea different impacts on the climate. The professor believes that the growing of the raw material - the corn - will counteract the carbon dioxide it releases during burning .Thus, the professor believes that using ethanol does not cause anas serious environmental problem as gasoline does
In addition of the mild impact on climate, the professor also casts doubt on the statement in the passage about the food issue. The professor claims that the statement was unconvincing because that
the part of plant used to convert in to ethanol are usually the part that the animal would not likely to eat.Therefore, the professor believes that the production of ethanol does not reduce the supply of the food for animal
Moreover, even though ethanol is currently undertaken
taken an governmental subsidy to maintain its fairly low price, the professor declares that it is not true that the ethanol is not able to compete with traditional gasoline in the future. Because that the American producers have the capability to triple its productivity and reduce the forty percent of its price whenever the demand grows .As a result , the professor believes that the ethanol will be able to compete with gasoline
TAT
我语法是很烂的 ==
谢谢改正

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