【写作小分队】第一篇，献丑了

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-21 22:42:13

Recently many people care about public recognition and thus do some job in a low income. They have do some job that is of great importance to the society and make our life more convenience. I think these people are really generous, but, I do not think they would do such thing with no money paid.

As a Chinese old saying goes, "Money cannot buy every thing, but have no money may cause a bit inconvenience." Though some people are munificent to do something that would really benefit the public, if they cannot gain enough money to feed themselves, they would be starving. And the starving of the good guys will no doubt cool them zeal to do something good down, some people cannot bear the hunger would flight, and some people that is about to join those people would cancel this decision. Finally there would be no one left.

On the contrary, if there is compensation, and those who want to do something gaining public recognition get payment, there would be more people willing to join. In the Asian Games, for instance, the Asian Games Organization Committees offered every volunteer drink and food as well as free public transportation, and paid every volunteer fifty Yuan symbolically. Therefore, there is thousands of people joined in, because they did not need to worry about starving.

What's more, with the compensation, the people joined will do the job more effectively in a more efficient way. It's the food offered by the AGOC that make it possible for me, a volunteer in Asian Games, to focus all my attention in the work.

In conclusion, since every people still need some money to used, to by food drink or some other daily necessarily, there is no possibility for people to work hard to obtain public recognition without any money.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-2-21 23:31:26

Kid加油，期待你2,3,4,5，，，N篇！

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-22 21:38:46

恩！希望能变好吧。。。看了老美185中的前50个topic了，现在终于还是要开始试试了

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-22 21:45:50

Recentlymany people care about public recognition and thus do some job in a low income.They have do some（some 这个词可以换一下，不要老do some job重复） job that is of great importance to the society and make our lifemore convenience. I think these people are really generous, but, I do not thinkthey would do such thingswith no（without） money paid.

Asa Chinese old saying goes, "Money cannot buy everything, but having no money may cause a bit inconvenience." Though some people aremunificent to do something that would really benefit the public, if they cannotgain enough money to feed themselves, they would be starving. And the starvingof the good guys will no doubt cool them(their) zeal(decrease the zeal? 不知道用法到底是咋样的，觉得cool their zeal 好奇怪) to do something good down, somepeople cannot bear the hunger would flight（是fight？）, and some people thatis about（whowant） to join those people wouldcancel this（their）decision.Finally there would be no one left.

On the contrary, if there is compensation, and(去掉？) those who want to do somethinggaining public recognition get payment, there would be more people willing tojoin. In the Asian Games, for instance, the Asian Games Organization Committeesoffered every volunteer drink and food as well as free public transportation,and paid every volunteer fifty Yuan symbolically. Therefore, there is(are) thousands of people joined in,because they did not need to worry about starving.(因为不会挨饿就超多人加入？例子是可以用的)

What's more, with the compensation, the peoplejoined will do the job more effectively ina more efficient way（and more efficiently）. It's the food offered by theAGOC that makesit possible for me, a volunteer in Asian Games, to focus all my attention inthe work.

In conclusion, since every people still need somemoney to used(use), to by(buy) food , drink or some other dailynecessarily, there is no possibility for people to work hard to obtain publicrecognition without any money.

红色是错误，蓝色是疑问，高亮是精彩。
审题上提一点，they will work harderto obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. 个人觉得你这篇说的应该是no money吧。第一次批改独立作文，水平有限，已经尽力了~~~

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-22 22:20:05

恩，谢了，审题的时候确实有一点问题。大家一起加油吧！！！

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-22 23:02:20

这是我的第二篇。。。。大家瞧瞧看看狠狠批批吧。。。。

月22日 2010.10.9NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Upon the question whether people live in rural areas would take better care of their families. In some situation, live in city means a better infrastructure, and better medical care. On the other hand, people live in countryside would have more time take care of their families. No doubt the people live in rural would take care of the families better.

Though people live in the city could have a better medical care, but it could not be justified, what the family members really need is the time shared together. When I was a little kid, my father was very busy, and we did not have much time talk to each other or play together. At that time, I did not familiar with my father, and, in fact, a little afraid of him. I think the money is not that important if my father cannot spare any time with me. So I would rather live in a rural, and share my time with my families. In addition, the more time the family member spent together, the better one can care about his or her families.

And what's more? People live in the city would always meets some uncomfortable things, and thus gain a bad mood. Sometimes， they may just have a quarrel with their workmates, sometimes they may be criticized by the boss, sometimes they have a sad mood just because of not finishing a work. With all that happened, they may come home with a terrible temper. How can families be happy with such a sad guy? How can they take care with their families better with a bad mood?

In conclusion, people live in the rural would always take better care of the families then live in the city. They would have more time to share with families and have a good mood to accompany the family members.

lixiang8747 · 发表于 2012-2-23 20:25:55

月22日 2010.10.9NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Upon the question（查字典没找到这么写的准确意思，我可以明白，但不知道是否可以这样写，如果你也不确定就直接换个表达方式吧） whether people live in rural areas would take better care of their families. In some situation, live in city means a better infrastructure, （可以去掉逗号）and better medical care. On the other hand, people live in countryside would have more time（to） take care of their families. No doubt the people live in rural would take care of the families better.

Though people live in the city could have a better medical care, but（前面写though了后面就不用but了） it could not be justified, what the family members really need is the time shared together. When I was a little kid, my father was very busy, and we did not have much time（to） talk to each other or play together. At that time, I did not familiar with（be familiar with） my father, and, in fact, a little afraid of him. I think the money is not that important if my father cannot spare any time with me. So I would rather live in a（the） rural , and share my time with my families. In addition, the more time the family member spent together, the better one can care about his or her families.（这段的问题是例子好像不适用，爸爸和自己相处少不能证明住在农村就一定可以相处多，没有着重提出住在农村可以更好照顾家庭的好处。）

And what's（英文文章里最好不要出现省略，就写what is 吧） more? People live in the city would always meets some uncomfortable things, and thus gain(个人意见就用cause吧，gain不好) a bad mood. Sometimes， they may just have a quarrel with their workmates, sometimes they may be criticized by the boss, sometimes they have a sad mood just because of not finishing a work. With all that happened, they may come home with a terrible temper. How can families be happy with such a sad guy? How can they take care with（of） their families better with a bad mood? （这段的例子我觉得也有问题，住在农村可能有更多烦恼的事情，比如说房子坏了找不到人修。所以单纯说住在城市可能遇到不舒服的事情不是一个有力的论点。）

In conclusion, people live in the rural would always take better care of the families then（than 口语里可以这么写，写作里就是错的啊） live in the city. They would have more time to share with(the) families and have a good mood to accompany the family members.

语法上问题不大，但是列举的例子都不好，建议brainstorming时候考虑一下哪个观点好写，另外字数有些少啊，才300多点，建议再多写一些吧。

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-23 23:49:04

2月23日 2010.10.23NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

As we all know that grandparents love their grandchildren so much, and they would always want to protect them grandchildren every times. But as the world changed so much during the last 50 years, they may not catch the trend and would always offer some advice that not fit the situation well. So people need to take their grandparents' advice with cautious.

Grandparents are very old, sometimes just too old to catch the modern trends. They are conservative, they are out of fashion. They do not know how to use the Internet, how to use a telephone, and how to use some other new facilities. What is more, they would even afraid to taking an airplane. So, it's really hard to imagine when you need to go some place by plane for the limited time, but your grandparents insist you to take bus, simply because they think it is safer.

But on the other hand, grandparents are old and thus gain more experience and sometimes they are knowledgeable to turn to for help. I could remember there was a time when I met something very embarrass, I did not want anybody know what actually happened. But my grandfather knew my difficulties from my abnormal behavior and helped me a lot to face that. It was the encouragement and advice from my grandpa that made it possible for me to go through that big problem in a short time. I feel grateful to have such grandpa.

Moreover, I always believe that the true love in the relatives always make our grandparents a best advisor. They love us and they will spear no effort to help us if we meet some difficulties.

In conclusion, we need to take our grandparents advice carefully. Their knowledge and love make them a best advisor, but their conservation makes it important for us to take their advice with cautious.

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-23 23:50:19

老实说，好害怕，现在还不能掐好时间。。。。呜呜，3.4号就要被虐了

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-24 21:13:21

2月24日 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

Though improvement of technology is making our life better and better, the question whether the most significant improvement have already taken place is still under debate. Some people may think the technology have already led to a measurable change in the life, and thus there would not have any chance to make any more improvement. But I think, as time goes by, there will always be something much more incredible happen and will be a much more significant improvement in life.

To begin with, no one would imagine what would happen next, because life is a talent writer, always coming up with something unpredictable. The past 50 years have saw the tremendous change in china. When everybody live in 1949, no one would imagine the telephone would used in every family. And what they do know is that china has win a war and would thought that the triumph was the most significant change in their life. But when it came to 1978, when the America became more familiar with every one, no one would imagine the significant change America would bring to China. And then, the television, the computer, and the Internet all make every one daily life even more interesting. For short, no one would predict the feature, and there will always be something new happened.

What is more, a famous scientist once said, " Imagination is more important than knowledge." We should not limit our imagination to what has already been. Just believe that, there will always be something unknown approaching.

On the contrary, if everyone just believes the most significant improvement has already taken place, and everyone do not do their best to discover something new, then the world would really stop the pace.

All that I have said above boils down to the conclusion that, we should never have a thought that the significant improvement in life has already taken place.

【写作小分队】第一篇，献丑了

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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