我也来发个新G issue 28 求狠拍。。

dengjia · 发表于 2012-1-28 09:34:17

28. The surest indicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but by the general welfare of its people.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

A speaker claims that the general welfare of a nation's people but not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists represent a great nation. This claim links the general welfare of people but not the achievements which also come from its people to a great nation. In my view, the general welfare a great nation could provide to its people is obviously important; also, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists indicate the extent of a great nation.The general welfare of its people could be provided as a criterion of a great nation in some extent. Because one of a nation's imperative responsibility is to lead people to wealthy and healthy life. Aiming at the basic welfare of common people, a nation may close to a definite great nation. What the people of a nation hope most maybe the material and spiritual affluence.

The general welfare of its people could be provided as a criterion of a great nation in some extent. Because one of a nation's imperative responsibility is to lead people to wealthy and healthy life. Aiming at the basic welfare of common people, a nation may close to a definite great nation. What the people of a nation hope most maybe the material and spiritual affluence.

However, as analyzed above, a nation's imperative responsibility is to make wealthy and healthy life, and the healthy life conclude booms in both materials and spirits. Artists compose beautiful songs and paint good pictures, which could be called cultural heritage of human beings. These achievements of arts such as an unimaginable and glamour world Shakespeare, Beethoven depicted to common people, which make people's life colorful and full of imagination. Scientists create new theories and materials which provide convenient and good things for people when those theories come into practice in daily life. For example, Isaac Newton, one of the greatest scientists of all period, explains the force and many phenomenons in daily life. Albert Einstein, a great scientist created theory of relativity and the equation of E equals M times C Square, bring nuclear energy to our horizon. All of these achievements have brought great changes to human beings, and the nation which owns these achievements may could be called a great nation.

What's more, the number of rulers, artists, or scientists are not less, their welfare may be maintained by a nation only when a nation consider the achievements of them as a non-negligible force in a nation’s growth. In a sense artists or scientists are people of a nation, maybe their achievements mean a special welfare to them.

From the reasons discussed above, we could safely conclude that not only general welfare of its people represents a great nation but also the great accomplishments of its rulers, artists, or scientists indicate a great nation.

dengjia · 发表于 2012-1-28 09:37:21

the structure seems not proper when reading... how to balance it?

dengjia · 发表于 2012-1-28 09:41:59

the second sentence seems inane, I think it would be better if i got a model of the beginning paragraph.

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-29 00:31:42

1. I think it should be: THE speaker claims that.... (since you are referring directly to an above article)
2. you second sentence is very well written although it may be hard for some people to read (i would leave it that way)
3. nation in (to) some extent.
4. most maybe (may be) the material
5. The general welfare of its people could be provided as a criterion of a great nation in some extent. Because one of a nation's imperative responsibility is to lead people to wealthy and healthy life. Aiming at the basic welfare of common people, a nation may close to a definite great nation. What the people of a nation hope most maybe the material and spiritual affluence. ---probably accidentally repetitive
6. I think to balance it out you must understand first of all that there is no perfect nation so you shouldn't be pointing towards that. Instead think of welfare (NOT "a nation's imperative responsibility is to make wealthy and healthy life,") , welfare as in safety, sanitation, available resources, good healthcare, good real estate prices, ease of appeal to the government, justice and so on...

I hope that I gave you some ideas

dengjia · 发表于 2012-1-29 10:01:53

1. I think it should be: THE speaker claims that.... (since you are referring directly to an above article)
2. you second sentence is very well written although it may be hard for some people to read (i would leave it that way)
3. nation in (to) some extent.
4. most maybe (may be) the material
5. The general welfare of its people could be provided as a criterion of a great nation in some extent. Because one of a nation's imperative responsibility is to lead people to wealthy and healthy life. Aiming at the basic welfare of common people, a nation may close to a definite great nation. What the people of a nation hope most maybe the material and spiritual affluence. ---probably accidentally repetitive
6. I think to balance it out you must understand first of all that there is no perfect nation so you shouldn't be pointing towards that. Instead think of welfare (NOT "a nation's imperative responsibility is to make wealthy and healthy life,") , welfare as in safety, sanitation, available resources, good healthcare, good real estate prices, ease of appeal to the government, justice and so on...

I hope that I gave you some ideas

-- by 会员 lukebrehm (2012/1/29 0:31:42)

thank you very much, I'll ponder over your advices.

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-29 22:22:44

That's great!

[issue] 我也来发个新G issue 28 求狠拍。。

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[issue] 我也来发个 新G issue 28 求狠拍。。

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[issue] 我也来发个新G issue 28 求狠拍。。