请大家帮忙改一下习作，谢谢了

The independent writing of 08.03.15:
it is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

For most of the time, we are always on the arduous journey in seeking for the key of the

dilemma: whether to leave the land for the endanger animals, or to develop it for human

needs.From my personal angle alone, the former point coincides with mine.                  

                             
For sure, we must take into account the fact that human beings never fail to exploit the

unknown and to conquer the desolation. The exploitation and conquest contribute directly to

the process of the society. That is the principal reason why more and more land are needed

to meet the desire for housing and industry.

However, it is hard to believe the disadvantage of a growing need for more land: the

pollution of the air, the instability of the climate, especially the steep decrease of the

endanger animals,for they will have no home to live in. We can’t believe the irreparable

danger of their extinction. After all, everything in the world exists together in a

delicate balance. For instance,if humans chop down the forest and use the land to grow the

corn, they may destrory the habitates of the bird that eats locusts. The next year locusts

might destory the entire crop in respect that the locust population can grow unchecked. To

the end, not only do the birds lose their homes,but humans are harmed as well. So, is it

dispensable to leave the land for the animals? I don’t think so.

Moreover, the natural land never fail to fascinate our human beings. Have you ever been to

the Kennya safari park? Have you ever hear the arguments of the frogs around a pond at

night? Have you ever smell the aroma of the wind cleaned by a midday rain? If you have

never had such experiences,you would never know how much fun the natural land could bring

you.

Therefore,there might be a growing need for more land,but we should never destory the

scarce charming land which is the foundation for our future,our children's children. I

remember a speech called HOW CAN YOU SELL OR BUY THE SKY? It is addressed by a Indian chief

named Seattle. There is a thought-provoking end of the speech: "Where is the eagle? Gone.

Where is the thicket?Gone. Where is the land? Gone. The end of living is the beginning of

survial."

It is better for us to be aware that we must use the exploited land sensibly and

effectively.Only in this way,can we achieve our historical task to inherit this precious

gift from our ancestors and pass it on to next generation successfully.The land is of the

people,by the people and for the people.

看你的文章觉得逻辑很混乱...而且没有正确理解题目意思...

既然首段表明了自己的立场,就应立即开始论证自己的立场,不要那么长的想反证...而且逻辑还混乱,如果想反证或者让步的话在用两段证明自己的立场后稍带提及就好了...

A OR B ...你觉得哪个好论证就集中精力论证,不要试图讨论他们的关系...属于画蛇添足...

还有...不要太多的用we,I 等词...ETS不喜欢we,用I的话例证没有力度,太主观...

有些词太绝对,ETS绝对不喜欢,"human beings never fail to"...

总之你还是先下一本李笑来的范文看看吧...

推荐LZ去http://www.findscore.com/这个地方看看，上面有很多sample，供参考。

个人认为写的时候还是使用模板比较好，逻辑比较清楚。上新东方时，老师就要求用5段式，开头（你的观点）＋reason1＋reason2＋reason3＋结尾（总结＋重申观点）。据说,ETS评文时间较短，都是看个开头，然后再把每段大概浏览一下，逻辑是否清楚、是否有明显语法错误等。OG上也说，ETS并不在乎你究竟站哪边，关键把理由写清楚了就OK了～不必刻意求新，稳点就可以了～

个人意见，仅供参考～