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难道写的这么烂?居然没人理~~~强烈求拍!!!

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楼主
发表于 2007-8-31 08:59:00 | 只看该作者

难道写的这么烂?居然没人理~~~强烈求拍!!!

难道写的这么烂?居然没人理~~~强烈求拍!!!

请大家看看这篇能得多少分
让砖头和瓦片来的更猛烈些吧!欢迎狂拍~~~



153. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Nowadays there is a widespead debate over the issue that a zoo has useful purpose or not.  The question of to have or to close a zoo may difficult to answer, but what is undeniable is that a zoo do teach us a lot.  With all aspects carefully considered, I do believe that to have a zoo may be a better choice.

To begin with, a zoo can let us known the importance of the protection of the annimals.  If you believe that every life has equal value, you may strongly agree with the idea that to protect the animals means to protect ourselves. Some unique annimals in the zoo which maybe dispear from our world in recent years if no effective protection be provided may offer a good example. Every time when we visit them, the emotion expressed by their appearance will touch our hearts deeply, and we will certainly tell ourselves and our children to take good care of these lovely annimals.

In addition, a zoo can provide good materials for the science research.  That is because the scientists can watch and study them conviently.  As we all known, the life of one kind of annimal may has great value to give us some very useful imformation, and it may be used on human beings. With the development of human society, the living areas of many annimals are getting smaller and smaller, but the zoo can still offer them a safety and healty home on the earth.

The last but not the least, no one can deny that a zoo can give us pleasant amusement in spare time or holiday.  Whenever you feel sad or unhappy, you can just go to the zoo to enjoy the communication between you and the annimals.  Nothing can beat zoo when it comes to cheering someone up. The visit to a zoo is very relaxing.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement that a zoo has no useful purpose.  From above discussions mentioned, we can see that a zoo is surely important to the lives of us. Namely, a zoo is very useful, both in past, now, and in the future.

Word Count: 360

请大家看看这篇能得多少分~
沙发
发表于 2007-8-31 09:20:00 | 只看该作者

4分

lz基础不错

但是语法问题略显严重……

把这个解决好了

可以上4.5的

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-31 11:32:00 | 只看该作者

4分?是满分6分的TWE吗?

不清楚IBT的算分方法

地板
 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-31 11:34:00 | 只看该作者
另外,麻烦指出有哪些语法错误啊,多谢
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-31 19:58:00 | 只看该作者
自己顶
6#
发表于 2007-8-31 23:36:00 | 只看该作者

你可以先参考该版置顶的帖子里边的修改集合

然后我在iBT区有一个写作的帖子,你也可以参考一下

然后发现自己的一些问题,进行修改过后再发上来

我进行具体的修改

7#
发表于 2007-9-1 09:19:00 | 只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Nowadays there is a widespead debate over the issue that a zoo has useful purpose or not.  The question of to have or to close a zoo may difficult to answer, but what is undeniable is that a zoo do teach us a lot.  With all aspects carefully considered, I do believe that to have a zoo may be a better choice.
(开头的这个句子你就吧自己置于一个非常不利的地位,首先NOWADAYS这个词就有很大的问题,即使你想不到其它的词也应该把它做插入语处理,另外强烈建议你以一个叙事式的开头来开篇,这样会好很多。例如,Zoos, when I was a pre-school, used to be such irresistible attractions to me that I visited a zoo adjoined to my family weekly, observing the activities of rare species, studying their features, and trying to communicate with them. Till now, I am also in the habit of visiting zoos, with a view to discovering more about this world. However, now, people seem to have a totally different opinion with me by stating that a zoo has no useful purpose. Pondering on this contention, by no means can I agree with them.)

To begin with, a zoo can let us
known (know) the importance of the protection of the animals (animals).  If you (不要使用二人称做指代,以避免出现强烈针对) believe that every life has equal value, you may strongly agree with the idea that to protect the animals means to protect ourselves. Some unique annimals in the zoo which maybe dispear vanish from our world in recent years if no effective protection be provided may offer a good example. Every time when we visit them, the emotion expressed by their appearance will touch our hearts deeply, and we will certainly tell ourselves and our children to take good care of these lovely annimals. (这个段落的字数虽然很多,但事实上你并没有说明你的分段观点)

In addition, a zoo can provide good materials for the science research.  That is because the scientists can watch and study them
convientlyconveniently As we all known(这样的结构不要出现,人家可能不知道,你要说明让人知道), the life of one kind of annimal may has great value to give us some very useful imformation, and it may be used on human beings. With the development of human society(如果不想被秒杀,这样的结构就算了吧), the living areas of many annimals are getting smaller and smaller, but the zoo can still offer them a safety and healty home on the earth. (你可以写成这样:It is observable that post-industrialized society is marginalizing wild life by taking their habitats. It is nothing but zoos that can make the animals protected temporarily.

The last but not the least(这个结构非常不好,建议使用FURTHERMORE,
  
no one can deny that(没有什么是人不可以否定的,你不可以剥夺考官否定你的权利:)) a zoo can give us pleasant amusement in spare time or holiday.  Whenever you feel sad or unhappy, you can just go to the zoo to enjoy the communication between you and the annimals.  Nothing can beat zoo when it comes to cheering someone up. The visit to a zoo is very relaxing.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement that a zoo has no useful purpose.  From
above discussions mentioned(这两个词是重复的), we can see that a zoo is surely important to the lives of us. Namely(什么叫从名义上说来?你说了这么多就得出一个从名义上说来的结论?使用THEREFORE,), a zoo is very useful, both in past, now, and in the future.


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-9-1 9:20:45编辑过]
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-9-3 00:46:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢啊

不过有一点要说明,namely=that is to say

9#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-9-3 10:55:00 | 只看该作者

 With the development of human society(如果不想被秒杀,这样的结构就算了吧)

秒杀是什么意思呀 ~~~

marscrat你改的很好,很感谢!!

10#
发表于 2007-9-7 08:28:00 | 只看该作者

秒杀的意思就是说你的作文被立即干掉:》

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