一篇自我感觉比较难写的文章,请大家拍拍~~~

永不飘落的雪 · 发表于 2007-9-3 00:46:00

一篇自我感觉比较难写的文章,请大家拍拍~~~

158. When famous people such as actors, athletes and rock stars give their opinions, many people listen. Do you think we should pay attention to these opinions? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays there is a widespread concern over the issue that whether we should listen carefully to the speeches of famous people such as actors, athletes and rock stars.  Some people think that the opinions of these famous persons are worthy of attention, but others may regard them just their own stories, namely, have none business with our common people. The question of whether these opinions are useful is difficult to answer, but what is undeniable is that everyone has his or her advantages which we can learn from them. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to pay attention to these opinions is a better choice.

To begin with, we can learn some useful experiences from the famous people.  I remember that once I heard a story about a famous chess athete from televison. He said his family was very poor when he was young, and his father had no money to pay the fee of his chess studying. But he did not give up,instead, he learned how to play chess well from local famous chess players, even from his neighbours. I am deeply touched by his story. I do believe that his story can encourage me whenever I am sad.

Second, no one can deny the fact that the success of the famous people not just come from their talent, but often come from their hard works. A famous rock star--Jackson may offer us a good example. He really enjoy music and devote all himself to playing and singing, and he feature the sample themes and molodies of day-to-day situations and feelings of country people. These made him become a big rock star. So we must try to devote ourselves to our jobs and concentrate into them. Because only hard working can lead us to great success.

In conclusion, I strong believe that we should pay more attention to the opinions of the famous people because we can learn a lot from them. Nothing can beat these success examples when they come to cheering us up.  Word Count: 338

xxy870128 · 发表于 2007-9-3 08:04:00

我觉得开头太俗中间SPECIFIC REASONS AND EXAMPLES太少

wumingyouzhu · 发表于 2007-9-5 14:32:00

Personally, The last paragraph is not so good.maybe there are some errors."I strong believe that""these success examples""come to cheering us up"Please correct it.

In the first sentence of the First passage, I think it is a little bit wordy in any way.

And also it lacks of some specific details,Though you have examples/

According to the topic,we can know some information from different aspects.As known to us,the coin has two sides.For instance,some celebrities' words are meaningful and stimulating,which is good for the society,the people. these words ,people should focus our attention. Contrastly, some pop stars do some wrong in some extent.Everyone has their own ways.The circumstances should be depend.

Definitely,this is my own view.It just an advice.Come on,guy!!Consequently,My QQ is 490487613////////E-mail:wumingyouzhu(ａ) 163.com~~wumingyouzhu(A) hotmail.com Good luck!!!!

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-9-5 14:36:35编辑过]

yetemwok · 发表于 2007-9-8 08:19:00

158. When famous people such as actors, athletes and rock stars give their opinions, many people listen. Do you think we should pay attention to these opinions? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays there is a widespread concern over the issue that whether we should listen carefully to the speeches of famous people such as actors, athletes and rock stars.

Here it seems that this sentence is dispensible AND THE TOPIC RAISED HEREWITH IS QUESTIONABLE. For an impressive opening, many way which you may choose from. The main point is, HOW CAN WE CLAIM THAT THIS POINT OF VIEW IS OF HIGH IMPORTANCE AND THUS RECEIVES MUCH CONTRAVERSY? )

Some people think that the opinions of these famous persons are worthy of attention, but others may regard them just their own stories, namely, have none business with our common people. The question of whether these opinions are useful is difficult to answer, but what is undeniable is that everyone has his or her advantages which we can learn from them. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to pay attention to these opinions is a better choice.

1. NAMELY: IN WRITING, WRITE IT AS VIZ. NAMELY IS THE WAY HOW IT IS READ.

2. REGARD A AS B IS MORE IDIOMATIC USAGE.

3. THE QUESTION OF WHETHER IS WORDY AND AWKWARD: CONSIDER TO REPLACE BY "THE QUESTION WHETHER....

4. NOT "ARE", SUB AND VERB AGREEMENT: "IS" VERSUS 'QUESTION'

5. "WHICH" STARTS THE CLAUSE NO 'THEM' AT THE END OF CLAUSE.

6. LAST CLAUSE IS A SENTENCE FRAGMENT, TWO VERBS 'THINK' AND 'IS', BUT ONLY ONE SUBJECT 'I'.

7. ADVANTAGES HERE ARE INAPPROPRIATE WORDING.

FOR THE OPENING OF THIS ESSAY, YOU MAY SIMPLY PRESENT YOUR OPINION, JUST AFTER A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO THE TOPIC. BUT BE CAREFUL: DO NOT BE ARBITRARY.

NOWADAYS HERE IS FINE. ONE OR TWO WORDS WILL NOT AFFECT YOUR SCORE SUBSTANTIALLY. ALSO, ETS DON'T CARE MUCH ABOUT YOUR ORIGIN SINCE THE RATORS ARE DELIBERATELY TRAINED TO RECOGNIZE THE TEST TEAKERS' COUNTRY AND ALLOW FOR THE DIFFERENCE THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.

AS I THINK, ACTUALLY MR. LI XIAOLAI HAS DONE A GOOD JOB ABOUT THIS TOPIC; AT LEAST, THE THESIS OF HIS ESSAY SOUNDS INSIGHTFUL . WHY NOT READ HIS SAMPLE AND GET SOME CLUES?

ok, i've said too much nonsense. have fun of it!

lifeiteng · 发表于 2007-9-8 10:49:00

其实细细地改，和我刚才给你改的就差不多了。先说说大问题吧。

感觉你写的偏题了，也许这就是为什么你觉得难写。题目问我们是否应该听取名人的意见，可是你给的两个例子却是关于名人的故事，或者是他们给你的启示。这可就算偏题了阿。

别老用魔版，因为写出来太多没有意义的词汇是不会被考官所喜爱的，或者说是给分低。这是OG上（The official guide to the new toefl ibt) 写得。

其实楼上这几位也都给出了很宝贵的建议，认真看看，我就不喜欢看英语，感觉难受。

还是看看吧。

你得写出名人的意见，比如说努力学习，认真地态度，积极地精神，热情一类的，然后你写谁谁谁得到了启示，帮助，成长，提高，就都算是为什么我们要听他们的建议了。这种题目一定要倒向一边，而且是完完全全的倒了。估计你也知道，不多说。

sfy · 发表于 2007-9-10 13:46:00

153. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Nowadays(currently替换) there is a widespead debate over the issue that a zoo has useful purpose or not.整句话都太普通：The widespread controversy upon the purpose of the zoos has attracted the public attention greatly) The question of to have or to close a zoo may(be) difficult to answer(缺少助动词be,此类语法错误一定要尽量避免), but what is undeniable is that a zoo do teach us a lot(详细一点：what is evident to all of us is that zoos do benefit us with sufficient zoology knoweledge). With all aspects carefully considered, (不错的句子)I do believe that to have a zoo may be a better choice.（有点偏题，我觉得结论性的句子一定要与主题有密切联系：the purposes of a zoo are still visible to the mainstream, permitting the cultivation of the sense of the animal protection and serving as a significant place supplies materials for the science research）

开头段如果觉得写不出来，我建议可以将后面的小论点概括性地写一下，可以给考官一个清晰的结构感

To begin with, a zoo can let us known（let sb. do sth. 此处的known要换成know） the importance of the protection of the annimals. If you believe that every life has equal value, you may strongly agree with the idea that to protect the animals means to protect ourselves.(Considering the saying that every living thing is born to equal, then to protect the animal is to protect ourselves) Some unique annimals in the zoo which maybe dispear(disappear) from our world in recent years if no effective protection be provided .(many species of the animals in the zoo are being put at risk of extinction, making the precautions of protection badly indispensable) may offer a good example. (没写完)Every time when we visit them, the emotion expressed by their appearance will touch our hearts deeply, and we will certainly tell ourselves and our children to take good care of these lovely annimals.(Every time when we visit them, watching them climbing trees and immersing themselves into the pleasure of playing, or focusing on the twittering of birds that we rarely know about, an impulse of taking care of them rises. Thus, the construction of a zoo indeed exerts the influence to the mainstream which help us be aware of the meaning of protecting animals.)

In addition, a zoo can provide good materials for the science(scientific) research. That is because the scientists can watch and study them conviently. As we all known(know,注意语法), the life of one kind of annimal may has great value to give us some very useful imformation, and it may be used on human beings. With the development of human society, the living areas of many annimals are getting smaller and smaller, but the zoo can still offer them a safety and healty home on the earth.

(In addition, a zoo possesses an abundant resource for the scientific research. As is known to us all, the study of life science plays a significant role thoughout the world. We can learn a lot concerining the animals and our human beings alike on the basis of this efficient research. The study upon the dolphins, for instance, demands huge numbers of researchs of the dolphins so that we could take measures to prevent them from population shrinkage. Plus, the research would enable us to communicate with them more conviniently.)

The last but not the least, no one can deny that a zoo can give us pleasant amusement in spare time or holiday.(we could hardly deny the fact that a zoo is a wonderful place for pastimes,) Whenever you feel sad or unhappy, you can just go to the zoo to enjoy the communication between you and the annimals( During the times of undergoing sadness or sorrows, the zoo is a good choice for you, where you could pour all of your troubles to the animals who are invariably waiting for your drop in). Nothing can beat(out…) zoo when it comes to cheering someone up. The visit to a zoo is very relaxing(我不敢肯定relaxing是否可以这样用).

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement that a zoo has no useful purpose. From above discussions mentioned, we can see that a zoo is surely important to（for） the lives of us(our lives). Namely, a zoo is very useful, both in past, now, and in the future.

Word Count: 360

文章最突出的问题有点chinglish，请作者注意不要自己杜撰表达方式，虽然我们中国学生是用中文思考模式写作文，我们依然可以通过积累大量句子来使表达更地道，建议读一些英文杂志，比如Times, Newsweek.还有一种Enconomist,但文字有一定难度，建议有一定基础的寄托朋友们看，所有资源均可在eMule上下载。

一篇自我感觉比较难写的文章,请大家拍拍~~~

一篇自我感觉比较难写的文章,请大家拍拍~~~

一篇自我感觉比较难写的文章,请大家拍拍~~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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