求拍作文～德克请进～ 谢～

728考

现在才练了两篇

今天做了一套barron，才急了。。。

这是barron上的作文题。

拜谢德克了！！

题目大意是这样（barron现在打不开）：Martin Luther King is an important leader. Name another leader that you think is important.

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being deprived of the freedom to visit another destrict  just on your motherland? Have you ever lived in the slum without water and electricity for years on end? Will you fought for one single dream spending your whole life though you've met numerous obstacles?

If the answer is no, then you'll never understand the significance of the noble leader, Nelson Mandela who dramatically changed the health conditions of South African people--in both mental side and physical side, and whose precious character of persiverence encouraged millions of people achieving their dreams.

Initially, South African people are getting healthier psychologically because of Nelson Mandela. For one thing, he really made people contemplate. In the past, in an isolated environment, few black people in South Africa are aware of the rights that they're born with, thus there's little need for a change. However , inspired by his speeches, later on more people realized the idea of equal and united together. In addition, benifit from policies when he became the president, people are leading a better life. Consequently, black people became more confident rather than being gloomy and dismay in the past.

Besides, you won't believe unless you view it with your own two eyes  what a surge had happened in the physical health conditions of the black people. First of all, rather than living in the slum under unconceivable hygien conditions, the black people in South Africa are currently moving to Apartment buildings the government established. Also, they can aslo share the free service from the public hospital.

Finally, his insistence set an ideal example for young people. Though he didn't have many listeners, he kept on trying to spread his idea of love and peace to the whole world. Further more, he's been trapped in jail as a political prisioner for over 20 years, however his unyielding eventually made him the president of South Africa at the age of 70.

Though his dream is not fully accomplished and his policies aren't all perfect, I can't deny the significance influence he exerts on the whole world.

自己顶。。

德克快来。。

我和LZ一天考，至今也才写了一篇作文。

今天不舒服又浪费了一天，着急啊！

等着看德克的修改！

这篇文章,读了,有种说不出的味道.不知道如何下手

注意:不是写得不好无从下手,而是我觉得结构比较特别,下手比较困难的说

谢谢德克过目～

这结构怎么特别呢？

看着评语好汗。。是不是结构比较危险呢？

若是无法下手改，拜托赐教结构应如何改进吧～

再谢哦～

德克快点写哦，我快考了，希望能早点看到德克的大作！

好~

睁大眼睛。。。