5.19作文最后冲刺,这次是30分钟搞定的,作文NN显灵啊

The ability to cooperate well with others is more important today than in the past?

        Whether cooperating with others is more crucial to people seems a very hard question to answer. However, from the perspective of modern society, we would definitely to choose to agree with this statement. Both common sense and modern situations have told us the very fact.

        Since the globalization, the world has become smaller, thus offering us more opportunities to contact with people from diverse cultures. Just imagine how could we devoid us from such an amazing world and diverse people. During an interview of the HR manager of Microsoft, we see a very energetic person who is very good at talking with other people. The most important point he emphasize on hiring college students is to cooperate well with team workers. With the workload so hard and sophisticated, the first step to enter Microsoft is to learn to interact with mates and constitute a power to achieve the goal.

        Furthermore, we should never reject this saying that the cooperation of different people can create more than the simple added individuals’ power. Without the help of Marlon, Jordon will experience the hardship to get the six champions of NBA. Without the help of early companions, Bill Gates will never achieve such a success of being the richest person. That's also why the CEO room of Microsoft is shared by several people.

        When it comes to serious competition of contemporary world, we have felt that help from others can make advance more. In the Chinese tradition, the word of people just has the image of two persons who rely on each other. From such an image, we all realize such a fact that people live in the world that is full of cooperation and interactions, or sometimes conflicts. Based on the goal of maximizing profits, why should not a person choose to cooperate with others to get more?

有点短,主要才开始思路错误耽搁了五分钟,后来想到JOJO姐的话,硬着头皮写下来了

大家评评吧

哎，额不系牛牛，硬着头皮看看哈~

果然时间一紧MM就出了不少错，有些还挺明显滴，看偶滴highlight~

文章整体来看，观点一开头就亮出来了，结构有了，事例也举得恰如其份。但是给人一种仓促的感觉，不仅因为一些比较明显的用法错误，这篇和上一篇比，句式和用词也简单化了不少。看来时间对于MM整个组织来说还是有着比较明显的影响，这几天必须得加紧练习了，要把时间的感觉好好培养出来。

加油啦~

谢谢JOJO,痛定思痛,今天继续努力

Whether cooperating with others is more crucial(topic中用的是important,所以前面可以加more,但是crucial的意思是extremely important,已经是最高的程度,所以crucial的前面最好不要加more) to people seems a very hard question to answer. However, from the perspective of modern society, we would definitely to(划去) choose to agree with(uphold) this statement. Both common sense and modern situations have told us the very fact.(如果是5.19考话,现在练似乎晚了点,但是还是要提醒楼主:开头最好用具体的实例引出话题而不是直接重复.你可以尝试将后面的例子前移,然后自问自答,引出观点)

        Since the globalization, the(this) world has become smaller, thus offering us more opportunities to contact with people from diverse cultures. Just imagine how could we devoid us from such an amazing world and diverse(不要重复,用miscellaneous) people. During an interview of the HR manager of Microsoft, we see a very energetic person who is very good at talking with other people(一个句子里边最好不要出现两次very, 第一个可以用fairly/quite替代). The most important point he emphasizes on hiring college students is to whether they can cooperate well with team workers or not(添加红色部分让表意更清楚). With the workload so hard(arduous) and sophisticated, the first step to enter Microsoft is to learn to interact with mates and constitute a power to achieve the goal.

        Furthermore, we should never reject this saying that the cooperation of different people can create more than the simple added individuals’ power. Without the help of Marlon(如果要举美国的例子,就不要举错,这里明显应该是Scott Pippen), Jordon will(would) experience the hardship(but actually he did experience the hardship even with the help of Pippen) to get the six champions of NBA(这个例子一点都不好). Without the help of(正式的写作中应该避免概念的重复,这里是第二次出现without the help of)early companions, Bill Gates will(would) never achieve(你在前面已经用了一次achieve,所以这里建议使用attain) such a (最好加个形容词修饰一下,比如inconceivable, striking这类的)success of being the richest(most affluent) person. That's(ATTENTION! That is正式的写作中不要出现简写,缩写) also why the CEO room of Microsoft is shared by several people.

        When it comes to serious(fierce更为恰当,如果更情感化的话,建议用brutal which means cruel and violent) competition of contemporary(current) world, we have felt that help from others can make advance more. In the Chinese(最好不要暴露国籍-ETS的阅卷人其实是不知道他们批改的essays是来自何方的,除非你自我暴露.ETS的阅卷人对大多数中国作文的印象其实不好,因为模版味道太重,没有意思) tradition, the word of people just has(have) the image of two persons who rely on each other(这里表意很玄奥哟,老外的智商是没有我们高的-避免自己文化中的概念在TOEFL写作中是很重要的,因为老外很有可以搞不懂,比如狼来了的故事或者守株待兔.除非你有精力和时间在考场上做出精确的解释,否则不要用.同时,不要认为ETS改作文和中国高考改作文一样,ETS永远不会像改高考作文的那些人那样不负责.这意味着,你写得好肯定不会得低分,但是有问题的地方也肯定会被看出来). From such an image, we all(will not fail to) realize such a(such这个词在这篇essay中的频率似乎太高了) fact that people live in the world that is full of (saturated with饱和这个概念似乎更好)cooperation and interactions, or sometimes conflicts. Based on the goal of maximizing profits, why should(should最好不用,因为你不是在教导别人) not a person choose to cooperate with others to get more?

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=248959&page=1

哈,,牛人啊//

作文我觉得主要还是思路比较重要, ETS对其他把握不是很严

我不得不说5楼得朋友真的很认真！！受益匪浅啊！！

好人有好报得～