刚写的一篇文章，大家帮着看看，谢谢（1）

关于是否欢迎某公司在社区边上建大工厂的问题。
                欢迎排砖

I welcome the new large factory to be built near our community. 

My community locates in some rural area, and many residents are farmers and just make their livings by planting vegetations. 这句看似有些问题，如果是我，我这样写：My community is rurally located in China and chiefly populated by farmers, and they have long been living on planting products.And此处and 为一个连词，不适合用在句首。as widely known, the annual earning 这个说法没有，直接income of a Chinese farmer family is relatively tight.这里不适合直接上一个IF，用一个词带过来：Fortunately, once the new factory has been built, those local residents could be given their positions there此处略显累赘：用there. Though their salary couldn't become(注意action与state的感觉) very high since they are lack of skills, their earnings from the factory could still necessarily be higher than their annual earnings before（此句好象有问题，太长了，而且语法上也有问题）换成这样如何：（从fortunately开始）Fortunately, the establishment of the factory will partly solve the problem by enabling them to find some new means of earning money. (连词不能放句首)用In addition, the factory will also provide necessary training programs to improve their skills and techniques, (整个改成improving program就会显得简单明了) and before long, with working experience and improved working skills accumulated, the local residents could expect to make a good living from that factory(感觉挺生硬)用will be given a stable living condition.  As a result, with the raise of income, the local families could escape from the harsh living condition before(总结句不能举例子) Second, the factory will attract other economic entities to (set up their business in near area)改成set their commercial feet in this regionsuch as the raw material provider.(company which will provide the raw material to the new built factory). [Of course, some one may argue that this is not necessary the case. (of course似乎和may 矛盾了) 把这句删掉吧。Well, maybe it is(书面文不用缩写) true that it is not necessary for my community. however, we can still expect some other small business to set up in the same area to support the successful run of the new built factory.这句话没看懂 For example, some restaurants and some entertainmentcenters. 'Cause（别用口语）
                    that is the necessities for the workers. And further, some clothing shopps, new traing centres, hospitals... We can see, due to the setup of the new factory, many small business are built up accordingly. It may lead the community to its flourish road.] 整个放括号这段好象在反驳你自己的论点而且仿佛没有在讲工厂带来的好处，而是周边产业带来的好处。感觉偏题了。

Third, the new factory could contribute its relative huge tax to local society（改成这样如何：local government will be benefits from the considerable tax from the factory）. By using the tax collected from the new factory, the community could（名词怎么用在COULD后面？）build new road systems, provide （more budge(什么意思) for local schools which could help to upgrade the school facilities）直接改成MORE FACILITIES FOR SCHOOLS and help to built up the better environment（注意ENVIRONMENT 那个N我也老打掉） for local students and teachers. Also, the tax could help to expand the local small park and the eldly resident could have a good place to spend their lesure time.(此段似乎也偏题了，虽然TAX是FACTORY MAKE的，但主语不能变，应该是FACTORY怎样怎样，而不是TAX怎样怎样。)

Admittedly(用inevitably似乎更好), the new factory will produce some negative impacts on (impact on固定用法) local society. For instance, the factory will cause some extent air(extent air是什么意思是不是extensive air and water problems) and water pollution problems. While these negative effects are theoritically possible to be eliminated if the local authority adopts restrict legislations to rule out these unexpected results. 这句生词太多，没看懂。（感觉这段没用，用来凑字的吧？！^_^）把这段用与开头多好，做一个背景材料，再引出论题。

Above all（凑字用from what have been discussed above又漂亮又有从句）, I believe the new factory will contribute to the flourish of our local community if the local society can manager to maximize the positive effects mentioned in the above paragraphs and eliminate some negative impacts. For these reasons, I welcome the plan of that company to build its new factory near our community.

From what have been discussed above, I can easily drop the conclusion: if our people can maximize the efficiency of the factory, it can surely do good to my hometown, and this is why I welcome it.