请大家帮我修改下作文,顺便看看大约多少分.可以吗？

inui001 · 发表于 2005-8-1 04:49:00

TWE 137

This is a controversial issue about whether high school students should allow students to study the courses that students want to study or not. Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we may find that some people hold the idea of studying the courses that they want to study. From my point of view, I will agree that high school students should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. I will present my reason as follows.

The essential reason can be seen by everyone is that students may chose their future property. For example, in my high school, all grade 12 courses are optional. If one student wants to find a job about computer engineering, if that reason, he do not need to study biology in grade 12.He can choose physics or computer instead. In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my part, I also would like to choose courses that I want to study in high school.

Another reason of my propensity for students should choose courses that they want to study is that students can enhance their team work sprit. For instance, a group of students all have same interesting, they can prepare and work toward together. So, as far as I am concerned, student should choose their courses that they want to study.

Although I agreed that there may be a couple of advantages of high school should give students courses to study, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious, such as those courses may baffle student’s future. Taking account of all these factors and recognizing the fact, to be frank, I would like to choose my own courses in high school.

To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which are discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that high school should allow student to choose their own courses.

inui001 · 发表于 2005-8-1 04:51:00

Whether living in a small town or living in a big city is a hot topic today. There are many people who think that living in a small town is better, but the others might prefer living in a big city. If facing the question, I would probably follow the latter one. In the following discussion I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that a bit city may have lots of job opportunities and educations. People should have a job and children should attend a school. Facts witness and present may examples as below: in a big city, it may have space to build lots of factories and schools. People can easier find a job than in a small town. Although children attend a good school, they will have a success future. Don’t you think that the examples quoted above are very persuasive?

Lifestyle is another chief and head reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration that can prove view, namely an easy lifestyle may bring lots of conveniences and people may save time. Today the most important thin is that a big city can save people’s time. That is the reason why so many people prefer to live in a big city. In this fiercely competitive society, time is the most important thing for human being. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

Superior as living in a big city is, however, living in a small town also has some advantages, such as a good environment. Nevertheless, the merits of living in a big city carry much more weight than that of living in a small town. So the conclusion is most striking and obvious.

To sum up, given reason discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that living in a big city is better than living in a small town. In fact, not only do I prefer to living in a big city, but also to be in a city as big as possible.

爱无伤 · 发表于 2005-8-1 08:54:00

以下是引用inui001在2005-8-1 4:49:00的发言：

TWE 137

This is a controversial issue about whether high school students should allow students (students allow students?) to study the courses that students want to study or not(or not不合逻辑。). Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we may find that some people hold the idea of studying the courses that they want to study. From my point of view, I will agree that high school students should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. I will present my reason as follows. (一个观点说了两遍)

The essential reason can be seen by everyone is that students may chose(choose?) their future property. For example, in my high school, all grade 12 courses are optional. If one student wants to find a job about computer engineering, if that reason, he do not need to study biology in grade 12.He can choose physics or computer instead. In short, even though there are many different views concerning this topic, in my part, I also would like to choose courses that I want to study in high school.

Another reason of my propensity for students should choose courses that they want to study is that students can enhance their team work sprit. For instance, a group of students all have same interesting, they can prepare and work toward together. So, as far as I am concerned, student should choose their courses that they want to study.

Although I agreed that there may be a couple of advantages of high school should give students courses to study, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious, such as those courses may baffle student’s future. Taking account of all these factors and recognizing the fact, to be frank, I would like to choose my own courses in high school.

To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which are discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that high school should allow student to choose their own courses.

Sorry,我是菜鸟~

帮你顶下~

爱无伤 · 发表于 2005-8-1 09:57:00

以下是引用inui001在2005-8-1 4:51:00的发言：

Whether living in a small town or living in a big city is a hot topic today. There are many people who think that living in a small town is better, but the others might prefer living in a big city. If facing the question, I would probably follow the latter one. In the following discussion I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

No issue is more important than this one that a bit city may have lots of job opportunities and educations(have lots of educations? education不可数). People should have a job and children should attend a school. Facts witness and present may examples as below: in a big city, it(指代什么？) may have space to build lots of factories and schools. People can easier find a job than in a small town. Although children attend a good school, they will have a success future.(好像不能构成转折关系) Don’t you think that the examples quoted above are very persuasive?

Lifestyle is another chief and head reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration that can prove view, namely an easy lifestyle may bring lots of conveniences(作“方便”讲时不可数) and people may save time. Today the most important thin is that a big city can save people’s time. That is the reason why so many people prefer to live in a big city. In this fiercely competitive society, time is the most important thing for human being. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

Superior as living in a big city is, however, living in a small town also has some advantages, such as a good environment. Nevertheless, the merits of living in a big city carry much more weight than that (those是不是更好？与merits单复数一致)of living in a small town. So the conclusion is most striking and obvious.

To sum up, given reason discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that living in a big city is better than living in a small town. In fact, not only do I prefer to living(prefer to do sth.) in a big city, but also to be in a city as big as possible.

请指正~

请大家帮我修改下作文,顺便看看大约多少分.可以吗？

请大家帮我修改下作文,顺便看看大约多少分.可以吗？

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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