鼓起勇气发一篇自己写的AA11

自己修改作文的能力很差，发一篇上来，请大家指正！ 轻点拍啊！别把我的勇气又给打回去了！

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Date: 2005-6-30

Time: 12:49:50

Argument No.11

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Question:

The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper.

`In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.~

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Your Answer:

In this argument, the author concludes that the residents of San Perdito should vote Varro again as the mayor. To support his conclusion, the author claims that the population has decreased and unemployment rate has increased the in the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city. Then the author further point out that in the Varro years such situation is on the contrary that the population increased and the unemployment rate decreased. And last, the author assumes that the depressed economy was caused by the mayor of the city. These arguments seem to be solid and reasonable at the first sight, however, we can find out how weak and irrational it is if we look deeper into this argument. I will point out why the conclusion is problematic from the following aspects:

To begin with, the author oversimplified that the population decreased and the employment rate increased do necessarily mean that was Montoya cause. The author has obviously overlooked other factors that might contribute to the result that the economy is depressed. It is possible that the global economy is declined, not only the city of San Perdito subject to this depression, the other city and even whole country is facing such situation. From this example, we can see that the author attributing the good economical condition to the Varro is not convinced. Thus, we cannot accept this conclusion without ruling out such possibility.

Another problem with the argument is that the author rests on a groundless assumption that the more closing businesses than the opening businesses mean that the economy is not thrive. However, the author did not provide any evidence to prove his views. He fails to take into account that maybe such activity is helping development of the city. It is likely that the old businesses cannot make profitable and always cannot make the both end meet but the new businesses can gain much more profits. It is also likely that the old businesses put out so many wastes to damage the environment of the city. But the new businesses can avoid these things. All the factors, if true, would show that closing the old businesses can benefit the city. Therefore, unless the author can provide other possibilities, this argument is unwarranted.

To sum up, this argument is weak. To make this argument illogically acceptable, the author must provide the strong evidence to prove that the population decreased and the employment rate increased was caused by the Montoya. And the author also has to point out that closing the old businesses really injured the economy of the city.

我的一些看法>>语法

1、mm好像很喜欢运用动名词，可是有些时候动名词显得繁杂又说不清楚，不如用从句~~一句套一句~又加长篇幅，又说明白事儿~而且doing 表示正在进行和强调过程...一些强调结果的状态的情况下就不大适用。

2、美国的习惯，没说男女，一定不能有歧视，认定作者是男的，我也一直很困惑难道都写the author, the author...the author?? 但是我觉得如果非要用代词，还是写he or she吧~~如果题目中没有明确指出作者性别...

3、定冠词的使用...人名前面不要加the

>>结构：

字数够了，可是感觉有些重复，两个理由还是有些显得不够饱满。

结尾段结束得太仓促，是否掐时间作文，来不及总结陈词？最好有一句清楚的topic sentence...美国人就喜欢找ts...做gmat阅读的时候就可以看出来了~~~ 如果是来不及充分阐述结尾，建议把模版背熟，实战时，先把首尾段和中间两三段的第一句按模版写出，再慢慢填充中间两三段的具体驳论阐述，这样至少文章完整，结构清晰。

暂时想到这么多...

mm的闪光句型看上去钻研过一些~~可是写作的时候最好闹钟有个清晰的思路，因为有很多闪光句型是类似的语言和意群~~说过的话，不需要再重复用另外一个句子在论述一遍了...(个人观点，也有人认为，管他三七二十一，把字数凑够，多写废话，高分就有保证~~也是有一定道理的...毕竟改卷的人没办法向我们这样细细捉摸你的作文，据说他们每片awa的批改时间只有3分钟左右...汗！)

但有个清晰的思路，对awa的写作会有很大的帮助...考场上别慌，镇定！能帮你很大的忙！

a za a za fighting...

抱歉，这次怎么弄得花花绿绿的...不好意思！~

mm写的总的来说不错~不过偶们要以更高的要求来要求自己，对不？所以要注意一些习惯性的错误，比如the 的用法啦，单复数搭配拉~~不要粗心哦！

加油加油！~~