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[issue] 新写一篇issue,字数不多,大家来给点建议还有什么能补充的

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楼主
发表于 2013-1-21 16:01:01 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
题目:



It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree ordisagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position youtake. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways inwhich the statement might or might not hold true and explain how theseconsiderations shape your position.


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字数:508

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The statement compares compromising beliefs to adhering to them and itconcludes that insisting one's own beliefs is less detrimental for anyone.Surely defending one's own standpoint is a good way to show confidence andstaying away from credulity. Leaders who are always assertive are sometimesmore likely to have prestige among members. However, being overly confident andadhering to oneself will give rise to some bad results. Therefore, we may needto be negotiable in some situations.


Certainly the speaker's opinion is no doubt right under the assumptionthat this person's certain point is definitely correct. Look at a hypotheticalexample, if someone now says that the earth is flat instead of round with thestatus quo, I'd like to negate this view of point and insist that the earth isround. I'm so sure that the earth is round because we have already known thattruth from Magellan's circumnavigation, the lunar eclipses and all the way tophotographic evidence. Sticking to my view is the evidence that I believe inthe science, because that's the fact that had already been proved thousands oftimes. In this case, considering compromising with that person is no doubtstupid and harmful. Compromising with these kinds of things is time-consumingand needless. More extremely, always compromising to others can be recognizedas bigotry, which is a dangerous situation that this person is credulous.Credulous people are always pathetically used or agitated by demagogues withsome ulterior motives. Therefore, sometimes we should be firm and confident insome of our own opinions.


Conversely, being headstrong all the time is dangerous and one can beregarded as a geek. Sometimes, one who is overly adamant will easily makepeople feel uncomfortable and as a consequence, people will more or lessisolate or even discard him. This kind of undue assertiveness may get a persontotally lost in his own life and this is where some of the geeks come from. Atthis rate, a moderate compromise seems the best way to save him out. It is alsoreasonable because nobody can guarantee that he or she is always insightful andthinking in a right way. Missteps are made by everyone, taking someone else'advise is sometimes an advisable choice. In this sense, stubbornness is theobstacle to improve ourselves or solve a problem. Listening to others'suggestions and measure pros and cons of both sides is the key to the success.


To solve a problem properly is not a piece of cake. But things can be easierand less harmful if you scrutinize in and fully analysis what are you believeand others suggest. Simply saying which of compromising or adhering is morebeneficial is feckless. Both blindly confidence and bigotry are not the rightto way to deal with an issue. Thus, none of them can be said more harmful thanthe other without a particular situation. Being assertive in some proper milieuswill show your deciveness and behaving the other side is sometimes the approachto be easygoing and humble.
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沙发
发表于 2013-1-21 20:27:06 | 只看该作者
我建议LZ能有一段是专门做比较的,因为你把两个分开单独说各自的坏处好说,但题目中肯定涉及到比较,more harmful,那么你在一个具体的事例中可能就需要两个都考虑到,并比较哪个more harmful
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2013-1-22 02:18:51 | 只看该作者
好的,谢谢版主。因为我要表达的是在不同的情况下哪个更harmful是不一定的,那我是应该再加一段举两个具体的例子一个说compromise好,另一个说adhere好吗?
地板
发表于 2013-1-22 15:56:13 | 只看该作者
好的,谢谢版主。因为我要表达的是在不同的情况下哪个更harmful是不一定的,那我是应该再加一段举两个具体的例子一个说compromise好,另一个说adhere好吗?
-- by 会员 杨姝云 (2013/1/22 2:18:51)

5#
发表于 2014-6-15 12:19:40 | 只看该作者
感觉你的逻辑不清晰,总论点是明确的:哪个更好需要具体情况具体分析,但是在论证时显得比较混乱,第一段不算是总起,也有个论点:坚持信仰有好处也有坏处。第二段有两个分论点:1:当已被证明的事实被怀疑时,向他妥协是没意义的;2:过分妥协是盲从,轻信的表现。 第三段有个分论点:不能过分固执,有时候需要妥协。

论证程度不均,一些就一句话,一些一段话。。建议分论点不用太多,但是每个都要详细论证

语言方面不错,读起来挺顺,里面还有好多gre单词。。
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