dreamfang的作文-互改小组第一期

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-17 19:43:38

2/To understand the most important characteristics of a society,one must study its major cities.

说明就不写了，反正都是两面写。开头和结尾也没写。
字数：390左右。时间：没计时呢。求批斗。。。
提纲：

body1-正，主要城市反映社会特点。1社会特点的定义-社会有人组成。2主要城市人口密集，人与人之间相互交流比较多，影响大，很大程度上代表了社会特点。3例子，北京，中国首都。传统与现代交融，胡同古建筑、京剧传统文化，soho摩天大楼、歌剧演唱会等；市民乐于助人，友爱互助，热情。

body2-反，主要城市并不能反映整体社会特点。1社会是由各个阶层组成，每个国家的组成不同，发展中国家大城市比重少，处于生活水平底层的人口多，他们对整体社会特点有影响。2中国是农业大国，农耕文化也属于社会特点一部分，但主要城市一般为工业服务业商业，不能反映（举出百分比，又算例子又算数据）。3全球化，主要城市受国际化影响，民族特色模糊化。

body3-合，要研究社会特点，需要研究不同的社会阶层，才能了解整个社会形态。社会由人组成，人在生活水平生产能力上有不同阶层，发达国家发展中国家阶层组成不同，同为发展中国家或发达国家所处的社会进程也不同。细节化-欧洲处在什么状态，中国印度是什么状态。主要城市中生活水平高的阶层比较多，展现出来的社会特点反映不了那些社会底层的精神。细节化-主要城市什么样，乡村什么样。举例-某个城市，其他地区。乡村与大城市之间的社会特点有区别，并不相同，之研究任何一个都是不合适的。所以需要对各个阶层进行研究，即有大城市也有乡村，这样才能更好的了解社会特点。

Major cities really reflect the characteristics of a society in some extent.Society is composed of how people act,what they think and the values they hold.The most important component of a society is human-beings.Population density in cities is rather high.And the connection among people is close.Thus,citizens represent some characteristics of the society.For instance,Beijing,the capital of China,shows several distinct characteristics of chinese society.The traditional buildings like Forbidden City,Summer Palace,the Great Wall or HuTong,and the historical cultural heritages such as Beijing opera,are harmonious with skyscrapers,theaters and shopping malls.Citizens lived in Beijing are friendly to either other Chinese people or foreigners.No matter what problem you are facing,missing your way or lost a purse,Beijing citizens help you,to find your way or give you some money.So Beijing is a city which shows harmony,containing tradition and modernization together,being kind to humans from other districts.

However,only studying major cities can researchers not learn the whole society.Human-beings can be classified into some classes,and each class does not have similar culture.The components of a nation is undoubtedly different with another.Obviously,developing countries have fewer cities than developed ones.for example,China focuses on agriculture and industry.Farming culture is clearly a part of chinese society.But major cities in China develop industry,service and business,not agirculture.3% of Chinese land area is cities.contrastly,12% of Chinese land area is cultivated land.In this way,it is not a reasonable method to understand the characteristics of a society by studying its major cities only.Furthermore,international connection becomes much more closer than the last century.As a result,major cities in each country have some similar characteristics,like fierce competetion,money talks view and so on.

Considering all these situations,to understand the most important characteristics of a society,one must study its population composition first.Each society has its own distinct progress.Since people can be defined into different classes,nations develop into different social formations.even though European nations,Russia and America are all developed contries,their features are not the same.Europe is aging society,showing peace.Russia used to be one of the only two powerful nations,experiencing depression,displaying vigour.And America,generating most tip-techniques,reveal its desire.

Let alone the difference between developed and developing countries.major cities in developing countries form asmall part of its society.people dwelled in village donot display completetion which is an important trait of major cities.In conclusion,only studying one class of a society is improper.each class should be learned,either farmer or business man,both in city and rural area,to understand the characteristics of a society.

呆呆蓝 · 发表于 2012-11-17 20:37:27

Major cities really reflect the characteristics of a society in some extent.Society is composed of how people act,what they think and the values they hold.The most important component of a society is human-beings.Population density in cities is rather high.And the connection among people is close.Thus,citizens represent some characteristics of the society.For instance,Beijing,the capital of China,shows several distinct characteristics of chinese society.The traditional buildings like Forbidden City,Summer Palace,the Great Wall or HuTong,and the historical cultural heritages such as Beijing opera,are harmonious with skyscrapers,theaters and shopping malls.Citizens lived in Beijing are friendly to either other Chinese people or foreigners.No matter what problem you are facing,missing your way or lost a purse,Beijing citizens help you,to find your way or give you some money.So Beijing is a city which shows harmony,containing tradition and modernization together,being kind to humans from other districts.
你应该是个北京人，不然不会这么写，这段更像是叙述北京的好，而不够客观性。没有就city这一整体叙述。
However,only studying major cities can researchers not learn the whole society.Human-beings can be classified into some classes,and each class does not have similar culture.The components of a nation is undoubtedly different with another.Obviously,developing countries have fewer cities than developed ones.for example,China focuses on agriculture and industry.Farming culture is clearly a part of chinese society.But major cities in China develop industry,service and business,not agirculture.3% of Chinese land area is cities.contrastly,12% of Chinese land area is cultivated land.In this way,it is not a reasonable method to understand the characteristics of a society by studying its major cities only【可以展开】.Furthermore,international connection becomes much more closer than the last century.As a result,major cities in each country have some similar characteristics,like fierce competetion,money talks view and so on.
这段里面叙述了一些现象，但是对这个现象会导致的characteristic没有进行展开论述。
Considering all these situations,to understand the most important characteristics of a society,one must study its population composition first.（觉得有些偏了）Each society has its own distinct progress.Since people can be defined into different classes,nations develop into different social formations.even though European nations,Russia and America are all developed contries,their features are not the same.Europe is aging society,showing peace.Russia used to be one of the only two powerful nations,experiencing depression,displaying vigour.And America,generating most tip-techniques,reveal its desire.

Let alone the difference between developed and developing countries.（这说的就更远了，不是这篇文章应该论述的关键点）major cities in developing countries form asmall part of its society.people dwelled in village donot display completetion which is an important trait of major cities.In conclusion,only studying one class of a society is improper.each class should be learned,either farmer or business man,both in city and rural area,to understand the characteristics of a society.

觉得楼上对文章脉络的把握还是不够，可能之前的提纲没有列好。这篇文章谈论城市和society的characteristic之间的关系。我觉得应当先讲述city包含了那些society的characteristic（举例展开），然后它没有那些characteristic（举例展开town，country都是society的一部分，都可以在这里讲），最后再拓展现代社会高度发达的信息交流使得城市文化的变得多元，但是传统在消弭。（至于发达国家和发展中国家城市的差别，个人觉得不是这篇文章的重点）
还有就是文章的处理。作为一片独立的议论文，主题应当在第一段里面进行阐述，这篇文章直接就开始进行说理，没有开始的主题段。这个我个人觉得不大合理。。。

呆呆蓝 · 发表于 2012-11-17 20:53:21

可能是我对最后合的那两段理解的也不够，所以评论不到位。。。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-17 22:28:36

Major cities reallyreflect the characteristics of a society in some extent. Society is composed of how people act, what they thinkand the values they hold. The most important component of a society is human-beings. Populationdensity in cities is rather high. And the connection among people is close. Thus, citizensrepresent some characteristics of the society. 这几句的逻辑顺序感觉有点凌乱，也许这么说比较好，一个城市给人印象最深刻的是它的市民，市民是否友好宽容，很大程度决定了人们对这个社会的评价。For instance, Beijing,the capital of China
,shows several distinct characteristics of Chinese society. The traditional buildings like Forbidden City, Summer Palace,the Great Wall or Hutong, and the historical cultural heritages such as Beijing opera, areharmonious with skyscrapers, theaters and shopping malls. Citizens lived in Beijing are friendly toeither other Chinese people or foreigners. No matter what problem you arefacing, missing your way or lost a purse, Beijingcitizens help you, to find your way or give you some money. So Beijing is a city which shows harmony, containing traditionand modernization together, being kind to humans from other districts.

However, onlystudying major cities can researchers not learn the whole society. Human-beingscan be classified into some classes, and each class does not have similarculture. The components of a nation are undoubtedly different with those of another. Obviously, developing countries have fewer cities than developedones这句话是很武断的，一个很大的发展中国家的城市未必比一个小的发达国家城市少. For example, China focuses on agriculture and industry这句话建议改一下，比如 China’s GDP is mainly contributed by agriculture and manufacture . Farming culture is clearly a part of Chinesesociety. But major cities inChina develop industry, service and business, not agirculture.3% of Chineseland area is cities.contrastly,12% of Chinese land area iscultivated land.这句话问题很大 Inthis way, it is not a reasonable method to understand the characteristics of asociety by studying its major cities only. Furthermore, international connection becomes much closer （more closer这是第二次看到这样的错误了） than the last century. As aresult, major cities in each country have some similar characteristics, likefierce competition , money talks view and so on.最后这点建议另辟一段，而不要跟前面混在一起

Considering all these situations, tounderstand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study itspopulation composition first. Each society has itsown distinct progress. Since people can be defined into different classes, nationsdevelop into different social formations. even though European nations, Russia and America are all developed countries, their features are not the same. Europe is aging society, showing peace. Russia used to be one of the onlytwo powerful nations, experiencing depression, displaying vigour. And America, generatingmost tip-techniques,reveal its desire.这段改一下，作为结尾。

Let alone thedifference between developed and developing countries.major cities in developing countries form asmall part of itssociety.people dwelled in village donot display completetion which is an important trait ofmajor cities.In conclusion,only studying one class of asociety is improper.each class should be learned,either farmer or businessman,both in city and rural area,to understand the characteristics of a society.这段已经可以不要了。建议：1，句子一定要尽量准确，不要影响意思的表达，最为中国人当然知道你说的什么意思，但老外就不一定了，所以一个表达把握不准的时候，要么先查一下资料要么先用别的有把握的，而不要直接糊弄上来。2.平时训练最好有一个完整的结果，这对养成好的写作习惯有帮助，平时按照考试的流程来，考试就不会出现大的问题。3.整个行文的思路，你自己是清晰的，所以组织的尽量一段表达一个意思，集中到一个点，全文最终也集中到一个点，这样文章才会吸引住人。

呆呆蓝 · 发表于 2012-11-17 22:34:03

版主果然功底很好，批得很仔细，赞一个！~

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-17 22:57:32

恩，很仔细，第一次练习issue，先组织了提纲看着提纲写的，比较紧张，所以一些地方都不太仔细，主要是觉得来不及啦。。。唉。。好的，明天继续，认真写，组织好了再发上来。谢啦~

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-18 19:56:07

3/educational institutions have a responsibility todissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely tosucceed.
Writea response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree withthe claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address themost compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge yourposition.

字数：537 时间：不计。。捂脸。。

The relationship between educationalinstitutions' will and the choice of an individual is always a painful problem.Andthe statement clearly weighs too much on education's duty.However,students havethe right to pursue any research field they like.Thus,to find a balance betweenboth,the purpose of education should be defined first.

obvious is the importance ofeducation-guidance.One primary purpose of education is transmitting values andbeliefs of society,which is,in other words,telling society's need.Like treesneed to be cut down some branches to grow strong,students need to give up someunrealistic ideas to achieve in society.It has no doubt that present societyfocuses increasingly on practice.A typical case is the flourishing of engineeringsubjects.I am a student learning engineering,and masses of students like mechoose to study engineering because of the closer connection with futureoccupation.Most basic subjects become interdisciplines combining with applicationsubjects to contribute more or faster to society.Even science and liberal artsubjects add some curriculum about how to use your knowledge into yourcareer.Considering this unchangeable trend and fierce competition of modernlife,students conforming with education-guidance are qualified for living inthis society.

However,the role of education institutionsis a tutor,never a dictator.Students attend school for forming their ownthinking and judging patterns,not for learning what should do,and what shouldnot.For instance,when graduated from high school and thus faced the problem ofdeciding a major,I attended lots of lectures about how to choose a suitablesubject held by some education institutions.After analyzing my merits anddemerits,I chose BME as my major,with education institutions' assist,notpersuading.Moreover,students have the right to choose their educationfreely.Therefore,education institutions should and even must not dissuade orpersuade students to study in whichever field.

Taking a step back,education institutionsare unable to say which field is likely to succeed.Before the result comesout,no one could predict it.The evaluation of promising field is like the analysisof feasibility of a method.One can only list the advantages and disadvantagesof it,but can not say it is unlikely to hit the mark.This is partially becauseof the limit of human's present knowledge.Centuries ago,heliocentric theory wasan absolutely impossible idea,and its advocates were disdained by people from almostthe whole world.But now,students on the Earth know that the Earth circlesaround the Sun.Besides,it is unadvisable to develop only the application fieldswhich benefit the society temporarily.Although theoritical researches needlong-time efforts to attain some achievements,vital technological progresses developbecause of them.

In addition,the definition of successdiffers among students.Graduating from a promising field and finding aprofitable job is just one of their motivations.To a student pursuing aftersatisfying his or her desire for konwledge,eudcation institutions' dissuadingis insignificant and annoying.Some students aim for the reputation of being aresearcher.Some want to solve difficult problems worldwide.Simplely standing insociety’s view contradicts with individuals’ will,which causes unwillingness ofstudents to do their best.As a result,several discoveries have no chance to befind.

Taking all the reasons above into account,itis apparent that the recommendation that education institutions' will suppressesstudents' choices is unreasonable. As the proverb goes,"Education is notthe filling of a pail,but the lighting of a fire."The responsibility ofeducation institutions is offering various possibilities for students and someconstructive advice to assist student to choose.

zkh1991 · 发表于 2012-11-18 21:59:13

The relationship between educational institutions'will and the choice of an individual is always a painful problem. And thestatement clearly weighs too much on education's duty. However, students have theright to pursue any research field they like. Thus, to find a balance between both,the purpose of education should be defined first.

Obvious is theimportance of education-guidance.(不太确定这样倒装对不。。。改成the importance of education-guidance is obvious好像更保险？) One primary purpose of education is transmitting values and beliefs ofsociety, which is, in other words, telling society's need. （说另外一方面了可以加一个onthe other hand）Like trees need to be cut down some branches to grow strong, studentsneed to give up some unrealistic ideas to achieve（感觉achieve 没说清改成achieve success） in society. It has no doubt （改成thereis no doubt）that present society focuses increasingly on practice. A typical caseis the flourishing of engineering subjects. I am a student learning(改成majoringin好点吧？), engineering and masses of students like me choose to studyengineering （加个only或者primarily）because of the closer connection with future occupation. Most basicsubjects become interdisciplines combining （interdisciplinary andcombined）with application subjects to contribute more or faster（ faster的感觉好像不太对substantiallyand efficiently会好点吧） to society. Even science and liberal art subjects add（如果是我。。。会改成arecomplemented with） some curriculum about how to use your knowledge into your career. Consideringthis unchangeable trend and fierce competition of modern life, studentsconforming with education-guidance are qualified for living（有点多余） in this society.
（Most basic subjects这句开始和前面的联系好像不太紧密。。。如果我没理解错的话你写的意思应该是虽然我们不喜欢engineering 但是engineering和以后职业联系更紧密而且社会竞争激烈要学这些东西才能qualified ）

However, the role of education institutions is a tutor, nevera dictator. Students attend school for forming their own thinking and judgingpatterns, not for learning what （加个they比较保险。。。）should do, or what shouldnot. For instance, when graduated from high school and thus faced the problemof deciding a major, I attended lots of lectures about how to choose a suitablesubject heldby some education institutions（放lectures后面更好）. After analyzing my merits and demerits, I chose BME as my major, witheducation institutions' assist, not persuading. Moreover, students have theright to choose their education freely. Therefore, education institutionsshould and even must not dissuade or persuade students to study in whicheverfield. （这段说的是edu institutions不该persuade 但是好像说的不够充分。。。）

Taking a step back, education institutions are unable tosay which field is likely to succeed. Before the result comes out, no one couldpredict it. The evaluation of a promising field is like the analysis offeasibility of a method. One can only list the advantages and disadvantages ofit, but cannot say it is unlikely to hit the mark. This is partially because ofthe limit of human's present knowledge. Centuries ago, heliocentric theory was anabsolutely impossible idea, and its advocates were disdained by people fromalmost the whole world. But now, students on the Earth know that the Earthcircles around the Sun. Besides, it is unadvisable to develop only theapplication fields which benefit the society temporarily. Although theoretical researches need long-time efforts to attain some achievements, vitaltechnological progresses develop because of them.
（这段点到要点了但是句式太直白了可以浮夸些。。。）

In addition, the definition of success differs amongstudents. Graduating from a promising field and finding a profitable job isjust one of their motivations. To a student pursuing after satisfying his orher desire for knowledge, education institutions' dissuading is insignificantand annoying. Some students aim for the reputation of being a researcher. Somewant to solve difficult problems worldwide. Simply standing in society’s view contradicts with individuals’ will, whichcauses unwillingness of students to do their best.
（我想改成simplytaking a stand of society which contradicts with individuals’ will, would causeunwillingness that impedes students to do their best）
As a result, several discoveries have no chanceto be find.（found）

Taking all the reasons above into account, it is apparent that therecommendation that education institutions' will suppresses students' choicesis unreasonable.（这句话好像有问题）As the proverb goes, "Education is not thefilling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." The responsibility of educationinstitutions is offering various possibilities for students and some constructiveadvice to assist student to choose (可以加一个rather than dissuade。。。立场更明确)

noboundaries · 发表于 2012-11-18 22:04:27

The relationship between educationalinstitutions' will and the choice of an individual is always a painful problem.Andthe statement clearly weighs too much on education's duty.However,students havethe right to pursue any research field they like.Thus,to find a balance betweenboth,the purpose of education should be defined first.

obvious is the importance ofeducation-guidance.表意不清One primary purpose of education is transmitting values andbeliefs of society,which is,in other words,telling society's need.(inform students what the society need是想表达这个意思吧)Like treesneed to be cut down some branches to grow stronger,(加一个比较级)students need to give up someunrealistic ideas to achieve（achive 好像是个及物动词？） in society.It has no doubt（there is no doubt /undoutedly）that present societyfocuses increasingly on practice.A typical case is the flourishing of engineeringsubjects.I am a student learning engineering,and masses of students like mechoose to study engineering because of the closer connection with futureoccupation.Most basic subjects become interdisciplines combining with applicationsubjects to contribute more or faster to society.Even science and liberal artsubjects add some curriculum about how to use your knowledge into yourcareer.Considering this unchangeable trend and fierce competition of modernlife,students conforming with education-guidance are qualified for living inthis society.

However,the role of education institutionsis a tutor,never a dictator.Students attend school for forming their ownthinking and judging patterns,not for learning what should do,and what shouldnot.For instance,when graduated from high school and thus faced the problem ofdeciding a major,I attended lots of lectures about how to choose a suitablesubject held by some education institutions.After analyzing my merits anddemerits,I chose BME as my major,with education institutions' assist,notpersuading.Moreover,students have the right to choose their educationfreely.Therefore,education institutions should and even must not dissuade orpersuade students to study in whichever field.

Taking a step back,education institutionsare unable to say which field is likely to succeed.（field做succeed的主语？）Before the result comesout,no one could predict it.The evaluation of promising field is like the analysisof feasibility of a method.One can only list the advantages and disadvantagesof it,but can not say it is unlikely to hit the mark.This is partially becauseof the limit of human's present knowledge.Centuries ago,heliocentric theory wasan absolutely impossible idea,and its advocates were disdained by people from almostthe whole world.But now,students on the Earth直接去掉吧 know that the Earth circlesaround the Sun.Besides,it is unadvisable to develop only the application fieldswhich benefit the society temporarily.Although theoritical researches needlong-time efforts to attain some achievements,vital technological progresses developbecause of them.

In addition,the definition of successdiffers among students.Graduating from a promising field and finding aprofitable job is just one of their motivations.To a student pursuing aftersatisfying his or her desire for konwledge,eudcation institutions' dissuadingis insignificant and annoying.Some students aim for the reputation of being aresearcher.Some want to solve difficult problems worldwide.Simplely standing insociety’s view不能这么表达吧，感觉中国式太浓了 contradicts with individuals’ will,which causes unwillingness ofstudents to do their best.As a result,several discoveries have no chance to befind.

Taking all the reasons above into account,itis apparent that the recommendation that education institutions' will suppressesstudents' choices is unreasonable. As the proverb goes,"Education is notthe filling of a pail,but the lighting of a fire."The responsibility ofeducation institutions is offering改为to do结构好一些 various possibilities for students and someconstructive advice to assist student to choose.(建议你还是先在word里面整理好了，完善大小写、错别字、连字这些，这样大家阅读起来会好一点。比较凌乱，阅读起来不够顺畅，有些比较简单的错误可以自己先稍微修改下，时间和能力有限，一定还有一些错误没有指出来。另外有一些个人意见仅供参考啊)

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-19 21:36:46

4/scandals are useful because they focus our attention on
problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you
agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and
supporting your position, be sure to address the most
compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to
challenge your position.
字数：420，略少啊，看来还是要再多写些。时间：不计。。

As Internet spread worldwidely,scandals about politics,sex,sports or stars emerge abruptly.Whether ture or fause,they catch our attention to affairs used to be unnoticeable.However,this statement weighs much on the benefits of scandals.To judge the value of a scandal is clearly a sophisticated problem and needs logical reasoning.
Scandals in deed assist the government,cooperation or academic institutions to reveal some problems somewhat.If called a 'scandal',the affair is something bad,detrimental to the public interest or against morality.Take political scandals as an example.Corruption of officials not exposed damages not only the finance of goverment but also the benefit of individuals.Once a political scandal is disclosed,goverment focuses on fund problems.And sex scandals draw public's attention to the victims.Recently,Jimmy Savile,a British famous TV host,a knight awarded by Queen Elizabeth II,is accused of sexual assault.This occurs after his death,which means sexual victims involved in this scandals are too scared to charge him. During his lifetime,Jimmy devoted most of his life into charity and thus owned a generous fame.If his sexual affairs are not be revealed,publics would never know these and justice would not come to the victims.In this way,scandals are really of value.
Furthermore,disclosing problems is not the end of a scandal to be valuable.Once we found an insect on a tree,the next step was killing it.Likewise,after a scandal exposed some problems,actions should be taken to sovle these problems.To be better,publics can also think out some methods that can prevent these problems.It means that a well-established political or legal system is significant to discover,resolve or even prevent problems in society.
On the other hand,baring a scandal to draw our attention is sometimes,at present,always harmful.A scandal,real or fake,once revealed,brings hurt to persons concerned,a bad reputation or disturbance of daily life.Let alone masses of today's scandals are exposed not for public benefits,but for public entertainment.Dog packs of magzines track stars all day to unearth their secrets,like having sex with a married man,or dating two girls at the same time.What is worse,net users even dig affair of a nobody,a girl behaved rude to an old lady,a man ignored a robbery and so on.Though these humans did something not so good,worldwide blames are too severe to them.Such a scandal almost ruins their normal life.Their friends depart from them.Their schoolmates or co-workers condemn them.Even their families are disdained because of this scandal.
In conclusion,scandals are not always useful,and sometimes are harmful.The value of a scandal bases on the purpose of the disclosure,for public benefits and justice,or pry desire.Additionally,it is better to establish an improved supervisory system to pay attention to problems seldom discovered.

[作文互改] dreamfang的作文-互改小组第一期

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