Arg 15 求指点

KaohA · 发表于 2012-11-19 22:11:25

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis. “Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available.”

The recommendation seeks to promote the program, which initially deployed to rehabilitated specified substandard housing for industrial use ten years ago ,by stressing merits appeared during the progress.It will be more powerful and persuasive if requisite evidences could be added.

Primarily, the crux of the urban renewal program was not static, and it does varied generally. For instance, ten years ago the renewal project proposed because of recession while the city's economy has had phenomenal growth, the main issue switched to meliorate living environment, focusing on appealing more tourists or immigrants.So the force of the argument that "to further revitalize the city" can be emaciated for absenting relative evidences.

Secondly, the relationship between diminishing in crime rates and public security improvement couldn't be affirmed the causal nexus if the level of crime was not clear.For example,the dominant cases which came up every week in this area were misdemeanor such as fight, drunk driving and so on before industrialization and now there's a paucity of this sort of cases while several extensive events with great harm occurred like industrial pollution.To strengthen the point that these factories furthered the condition of public security, essential evidences should be corroborated.Meanwhile,the argument failed to provide evidences that those new factories earned the burgeon of property tax revenues.The other parts of renewal program（as spurring the city by holding sports or exposition , which absorbing crowds and investments）could also aggrandized the property taxes.So it's not necessary to take the similar action positively since the beneficence from the procedure couldn't be validated.

Besides,although postulated a causal relationship between benefits and actions,the mentioned area which recommend to rebuild was not analogous to the precedent because cogent evidences were not explicit. Similar surroundings of the residential area are indispensable as nearing the freeway ,which was fantastic to those factories , and substandard housing ,which reconstructed would be authorized easily by government.Such supplements would strengthen the argument by upgrade the comparison.Finally, the premise that the action could be readily accessible was uncertain.For instance, most unoccupied houses and apartments may be remodeling because residents accepted discounts from a new build material market erected nearby, under this circumstance, declining residents didn't indicate altering could be applied.Therefore the argument that now taking similar action was marred for inadequate evidences .

Based on the evaluation, the recommendation lacks compelling arguments.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-19 23:03:37

The recommendation seeks to promote theprogram, which initially deployed to rehabilitate specified substandard housingfor industrial use ten years ago, by stressing merits appeared during theprogress. It will be more powerful and persuasive if requisite evidences couldbe added.

Primarily, the crux of the urban renewal program was notstatic, and it does varied generally.建议这里使用推理性的表述方式，比如依据什么你得到这前面的这个结论，你要把你的推理过程写清楚写具体，以下类似，argu重在你的推理分析，望多多改进 For instance, tenyears ago the renewal project proposed because of recession while the city'seconomy has had phenomenal growth, the main issue switched to meliorate livingenvironment, focusing on appealing more tourists or immigrants. So the force ofthe argument that "to further revitalize the city" can be emaciatedfor absenting relative evidences.

Secondly, the relationship between diminishing in crimerates and public security improvement couldn't be affirmed the causal nexus ifthe level of crime was not clear. For example, the dominant cases which came upevery week in this area were misdemeanor such as fight, drunk driving and so onbefore industrialization and now there's a paucity of this sort of cases whileseveral extensive events with great harm occurred like industrial pollution. Tostrengthen the point that these factories furthered the condition of publicsecurity, essential evidences should be corroborated.建议这里分段写，避免段落不均匀 Meanwhile, the argument failed to provide evidences that those newfactories earned the burgeon of property tax revenues. The other parts ofrenewal program（asspurring the city by holding sports or exposition , which absorbing crowds andinvestments）could also aggrandized theproperty taxes. So it's not necessary to take the similar action positivelysince the beneficence from the procedure couldn't be validated.

Besides, although postulated a causal relationship betweenbenefits and actions, the mentioned area which recommend rebuilding was notanalogous to the precedent because cogent evidences were not explicit. Similarsurroundings of the residential area are indispensable as nearing the freeway, which was fantastic to those factories , andsubstandard housing ,which reconstructed would be authorized easily bygovernment. Such supplements would strengthen the argument by upgrade thecomparison. Finally, the premise that the action could be readily accessiblewas uncertain. For instance, most unoccupied houses and apartments may beremodeling because residents accepted discounts from a new build materialmarket erected nearby, under this circumstance, declining residents didn'tindicate altering could be applied. Therefore the argumentthat now taking similar action was marred for inadequate evidences.？？

Based on the evaluation, the recommendation lackscompelling arguments.这个结尾是很不好的，建议不要这么写，要么写一个对上文的概括总结，要么不写。

Arg 15 求指点

所属分类: GRE考试

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