argument 22求批改

byhdhr123 · 发表于 2012-11-8 09:36:51

22.（242） According to a recent report, cheating among college and university students is on the rise. However, Groveton College has successfully reduced student cheating by adopting an honor code, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced a system in which teachers closely monitored students; under that system, teachers reported an average of thirty cases of cheating per year. In the first year the honor code was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey, a majority of Groveton students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. Thus, all colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's in order to decrease cheating among students.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the argument,the author concludes that in order to decrease cheating,all the colleges and universities should adopt honor codes.The recomendation is base on these evidence

1)a decline in number of report cheating;(2) a survey that shows students are less likely to cheat under the system.The argument may seens persuative at first glance,but it leaves a lot of puestions unasked.So unless the author can provide more imfomation to strengthen his contention,the
recommendation is poorly surpported.
First,The author suggest that a deline in cheating by the data that comes form the first year
the code was in place and five year later.But we may doubt that there's a relationship between
the decline and the honor code.For example,if the quality of the students rise,then they are
not likely to cheat in the exam beacuse they do not need cheat to help them get a good
score.And moreover,We also doubt that the number of cheating is truly declining.as the system
is based on students' effort to pick out cheater,there exists a posibility that when a student
cheats,then another one finds it,but doesn't report it to the teacher because they do not want
to get into trouble.So even if the number of reported cheating declined the number of the
cheating is even higher than before.
Seconldly,the author shows a survey that indicated that fewer students would be likely to
cheat with the new system.Still,there exist a lot of questions.We may ask that how the survey
conducts and it solidity to truly indicate that fewer would cheat in the future.As a
students,common sense tells us that a student won't admit cheating or the willing to cheat in
public because they know cheat is not right.But it doesn't means that they won't cheat in an
crucial exam.So the validity of the survey is weakened because students in the survey may not tell the truth.
Even if the cheating number truly declined in Groveton,there's a few questions remaining to be asked.Does all the colleges and university necessary to adopt the same system?Perhaps not.Beacuse other colleges' situation are not comparable to Groveton.The code can be carried out secessfully here for the students here may be self-diciplined,but when it coms to another place where students are not so decipilined and they cheat in group,so other stuents there are not willing to report cheating to the teachers as well for they are already inured to cheating and they won't take it seriously.
So to sum up,the arugument could be better supported if the author can asked these questions
above.And if the author could answer those qusetion and gives us more details,the argument will
be more cogent and persuasive.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-11-8 11:00:51

The argument may seens persuative at first glance,but it leaves a lot of puestions unasked.So unless the author can provide more imfomation to strengthen his contention,the
recommendation is poorly surpported.

这里面有5个错别字。就更不要说全文了。。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-9 15:48:52

In the argument, the author concludes that inorder to decrease cheating, all the colleges and universities should adopthonor codes. The recommendation is base onthese evidences: (1) a decline in number of report cheating; (2) a survey thatshows students are less likely to cheat under the system.（建议不要这么列条写，显示出你的poororganization ability）。 The argument may seem persuasive atfirst glance, but it leaves a lot of questions unasked（这里用unasked不太好，建议用inexplicit）. Sounless the author can provide more information to strengthen his contention, the recommendation is poorly supported.

First, The authorsuggest that a decline in cheating by the data that comes from thefirst year
the code was in place and five year later（这句话的意思没看明白）. Butwe may doubt that whether（需要加whether） there's a relationship between thedecline and the honor code. For example, if the quality of the students rise, thenthey are not likely tocheat in the exam because they do notneed cheat to help them get a good score.And moreover, we also doubt that the number of cheating is truly declining. Asthe system is based onstudents' effort to pick out cheater, there exists a possibility that whena student cheats, thenanother one finds it, but doesn't report it to the teacher because they do notwant to get into trouble.这句话能否融合一下，用一个复句表示 So even if the number of reported cheating declined the number ofthe cheating is evenhigher than before.

Secondly, the author shows a survey thatindicated that fewer students would be likely to
cheat with the new system. Still, there exist alot of questions. We may ask that how the survey
conducts and it solidity totruly indicate（句子成分混乱） that fewerwould cheat in the future. As students, common sense tells us that students（后面用they，这里就要用复数形式了）won't admit cheating or the willing to cheat in public because they know cheating isnot right. But it doesn't means that they won't cheat in a crucial exam. So the validityof the survey is weakened because students in the survey may not tell the truth.

Even if the cheating number truly declined inGroveton, there are a few questions remaining to be asked. Are（necessary是adj.，这里只能是系动词）all the colleges and university necessary to adopt the same system?

erhaps not. Becauseother colleges' situation is notcomparable to Groveton. The code can be carried out successfullyhere for the students here may be self-disciplined, butwhen it comes to another place where students are not so disciplinedand they cheat in group, so other students there are notwilling to report cheating to the teachers as well for they are already inuredto cheating and they won't take it seriously.
So to sum up, the argumentcould be better supported if the author can asked these questions
above. And if the author could answer those questionsand gives us more details, the argument will bemore cogent and persuasive.

argument 22求批改

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