呼仔的作文帖！求指导！握拳！有口语建议也进来呀！

lemonyhu · 发表于 2012-8-3 22:39:13

超级纠结的一个==
两次托都93！！
作文倒是稍微从22到25~！
希望大家帮忙啊！
另外有什么口语的经验一定传授给我啊！！
一直19不想活了！！！
期待口语小分队！

lemonyhu · 发表于 2012-8-3 22:39:59

8.3 independent

8.3. Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

Should parents allow their children to solve problems by themselves or give them a hand when they encounter difficulties? People’s opinions are divaricated on this complex and controversial question. Some people believe that it is essential for youngsters to learn a lesson from their own experience; Others, however, are convinced that parents should definitely help them. As far as I’m concerned, this issue is a complex one and requires an all-around analysis.

To begin with, I agree without reservation that young people should have the chance to learn something from their past experience. As youngsters, there is no denying that children would make a lot of mistakes while finishing tasks. They should know that each one of these mistakes are the best gift of life. In other words, one should not be afraid of doing things by mistake. On the contrary, he should precious every mistake. If not, we can achieve nothing but continuing making the same mistakes.

Additionally, by solving the puzzles and dealing with various situations independently, young people are gradually learning to take responsibilities by themselves. One of the most famous Chinese poets once said: Nothing great was ever achieved without the sense of responsibility. In the modern society, the sense of responsibility is the prerequisite for people to make every progress, big or small. To further illustrate this point, let me take my personal experience as an example. When I was little, I used to depend on my parents to handle everything. By the time I entered primary school. I had never left home. However, being able to not only meet different people but also deal with all kinds of emergencies, I was capable of be responsible for myself and people around me. Therefore, it pays to let young children to solve their own puzzle independently.

Nevertheless, sometimes parents’ directions are needed if their children must make vital disicions. According to the research by one of the biggest Chinese website Sohu, 10% of the people are regret of some decisions they made at young ages. In other words, they are too overconfident to decide their future alone. Issues such as which college to enter, what job to take or which country to go to are essential decisions and thus require parents’ assistance.

To sum up, as the reasons mentioned above, we should take this issue seriously. As we can see, this is not a mutual-exclusive issue but a complementary one. For one thing, parents should allow their baby boys and girls to stand on themselves and learn from their own experience; For another, parents should do their utmost to direct youngsters and teach them according to their past lessons. Only in this way, can youth expand their own world and create a fresh start.

Vance1991 · 发表于 2012-8-4 10:12:05

Should parents allow their children to solve problems by themselves or give them a hand when they encounter difficulties? People’s opinions are divaricated(这个单词是不是拼错了?) on this complex and controversial question. Some people believe that it is essential for youngsters to learn a lesson from their own experience; Others, however, are convinced that parents should definitely help them. As far as I’m concerned, this issue is a complex one and requires an all-around analysis.(其实我觉得在首段提出自己的观点会更好些)

To begin with, I agree without reservation that young people should have the chance to learn something from their past experience. As youngsters, there is no denying that children would make a lot of mistakes while finishing tasks. They should know that each one of these mistakes are(is) the best gift of life. In other words, one should not be afraid of doing things by mistake. On the contrary, he should precious every mistake. If not, we can achieve nothing but continuing making the same mistakes.

Additionally, by solving the puzzles and dealing with various situations independently, young people are gradually learning to take responsibilities by themselves. One of the most famous Chinese poets(最高级的就一个,不能用poets.) once said: Nothing great was ever achieved without the sense of responsibility. In the modern society, the sense of responsibility is the prerequisite for people to make every progress, big or small. To further illustrate this point, let me take my personal experience as an example. When I was little, I used to depend on my parents to handle everything. By the time I entered (the)primary school. I had never left home. However, being able to not only meet different people but also deal with all kinds of emergencies, I was capable of be responsible for myself and people around me. Therefore, it pays to let young children to solve their own puzzle independently.

Nevertheless, sometimes parents’ directions are needed if(when可能会更好些) their children must make vital disicions(decisions). According to the research by one of the biggest Chinese website Sohu(最高级就一个不可以有one of the.可以改成by sohu, the biggest Chinese website,), 10% of the people are regret of some decisions they made at young ages. In other words, they are too overconfident to decide their future alone. Issues such as which college to enter, what job to take or which country to go to are essential decisions and thus require parents’ assistance.

To sum up, as the reasons mentioned above, we should take this issue seriously. As we can see, this is not a mutual-exclusive issue but a complementary one. For one thing, parents should allow their baby boys and girls to stand on themselves and learn from their own experience; For another, parents should do their utmost to direct youngsters and teach them according to their past lessons. Only in this way, can youth expand their own world and create a fresh start.

楼主的作文写的很棒,句式多样,单词很精彩,错误也很少!
不过最高级那个地方要注意一下!

Vance1991 · 发表于 2012-8-4 21:01:37

谢谢楼主帮我该作文哈.改的很认真,很好.那些问题确实需要注意.
ps:文章有些地方没有空格是因为,我在word上面写的,复制粘贴过来就会出现确实空格的情况了,下次ignore它好了~

lemonyhu · 发表于 2012-8-4 22:41:12

8.4.独立For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

As the magnificent development of modern society, there is a heated debate whether it is more important to relate well to other people or to study hard at school. People’s opinions are inconstant on this complex and controversial issue. Some people holds that it is essential for us to develop good relationship with people around us. Other people argues that no matter what we need to do a good job when studying. As far as I am concerned, as college students, we should at firstly study hard and then consider the relationship aspect.

In the first place, knowledge is the foundation of ourselves so that people should accumulate as much useful knowledge as they could. That is to say, we do not focus on the grades we might make but focus on the hardship we pay. A famous philosopher called Zhouguoping once said:”Nothing great was ever achieved without great effort.” To further demonstrate this theory, we could look at the successful people around us, none of them have never given up their own lives and devote all of their attention to career.

Furthermore, in modern society the concept of studying is no longer limit within the fact of getting outstanding grades. More importantly, people need to take more time thinking about how to develop the most efficient studying habit and thus enable us to finish our future tasks more efficient. There is no denying that grades are the mirror of one’s study. However, they cannot reflect the time and effort we have paid to get them. To further illustrate this point, let me take my own experience as an example. I used to be quite slow when finishing research tasks assigned by professors. Even though I got good grades, I have to spend extra time on other subjects without rests. In order to change this situation, I talked to my fellow students and absorbed better studying habits. As a result, my studying efficiency gradually improved and I apply these precious experience to my part-time as a marketing developer as well.

Admittedly, being able to develop friendly relationship with colleagues does benefit us in everyday work. I believe that no one would like to stay in an office full of dissatisfaction and angry. A harmonious environment among co-workers would no doubt promote the career and lives of every individual within it. Nevertheless, it is not enough for people to just get a good relationship with stuffs, boss or colleagues.

In all, as the reasons mentioned above, this question is a not an easy one. For people who want to be successful in the future careers, they should not only cultivate good study habits and then do their utmost to develop a larger social network. Only in this way can they fulfill the requirements of the harsh competition in the business world and achieve their goals.

写死我了==完全没思路想了一小时！！

lemonyhu · 发表于 2012-8-4 23:25:30

8.4.综合TPO2

The lecturer holds that according to the result of a six-month research, it is not a wise decision to assign tasks to a team of people. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which points out that the best way to approach certain new projects is to assemble a team to finish the task.

In the first place, the lecturer contends that in the research, some members of the team do not contribute much to the whole project thus make no difference to the final result. Besides, when the group of people finished the project successfully, they would always award the group as a whole without awarding every individual who worked hard in the team . However, the writer argues that taking part in a group process would enables team members to contribute to the group.

What is more, by reasoning that a group of people together would take a long period of time in order to reach agreement, the lecturer refutes the idea mentioned in the passage that the efficiency of the team would be improved. The lecturer mentions that the team members might organize several meetings to reach the final consistency.

Finally, considering the third point in the reading, which addresses that every member in the team have the opportunity to shine, the lecturer contradicts his point of view by providing us with examples. In some cases, the final result of such deliberation depends on one or two of those influential people. If they disagree with the decision of others, they would definitely turn down the decision without further discussion. Moreover, if they are convinced that the approach is creative, they might ignore the voice of other people who argues that the approach is not appropriate. In the end, if the team fell to achieve its prediction, not anyone of the group members but all of them are responsible for the aftermath.

sarahpx · 发表于 2012-8-5 15:43:26

蓝色表示精彩，红色是个人觉得不妥处绿色总结

As the magnificent development of modern society, there is a heated debate whether it is more important to relate well to other people or to study hard at school. People’s opinions are inconstant on this complex and controversial issue. Some people holds that it is essential for us to develop good relationship with people around us. Other people argues that no matter what we need to do a good job when studying. As far as I am concerned, as college students（两个as 引导的短语连着出现有点奇怪额）, we should at firstly（有点生硬，如果一定要用at firstly 动词后面会不会好点？） study hard and then consider the relationship aspect.

In the first place, knowledge is the foundation of ourselves so that people should accumulate as much useful knowledge as they could. That is to say, we do not focus on the grades we might make but focus on the hardship we pay（句子挺好，但第二句跟分观点句……我follow不上lz的逻辑额，有点不解）. A famous philosopher called Zhouguoping once said:”Nothing great was ever achieved without great effort.” To further demonstrate this theory, we could look at the successful people around us, none of them have never given up their own lives and devote all of their attention to career.（最好能列出1,2个specific的successful people例子）

Furthermore, in modern society the concept of studying is no longer limit within(limited to) the fact of getting outstanding grades. More importantly, people need to take more time thinking about how to develop the most efficient studying habit and thus enable us to finish our future tasks more efficient. There is no denying that grades are the mirror of one’s study（这个意思是不是跟上面一段有重复？）. However, they(指代啥？) cannot reflect the time and effort we have paid to get them. To further illustrate this point, let me take my own experience as an example. I used to be quite slow when finishing research tasks assigned by professors. Even though I got good grades, I have to spend extra time on other subjects without rests. In order to change this situation, I talked to my fellow students and absorbed better studying habits. As a result, my studying efficiency gradually improved and I appliedthese（this）precious experience to my part-time as a marketing developer as well.

Admittedly, being able to develop friendly relationship with colleagues does benefit us in everyday work. I believe that no one would like to stay in an office full of dissatisfaction and angry. A harmonious environment among co-workers would no doubt promote the career and lives of every(all) individuals within it. Nevertheless, it is not enough for people to just get a good relationship with stuffs, boss or colleagues.(说的对，然后呢？让步完了还得用自己的观点反驳一下吧)

In all, as the reasons mentioned above, this question is a not an easy one. For people who want to be successful in the future careers, they should not only cultivate good study habits and then（but also） do their utmost to develop a larger social network.（这算是折中吗？） Only in this way can they fulfill the requirements of the harsh competition in the business world and achieve their goals.

总结：

总体感觉lz结构和语法没太大毛病，就是思路好像没展开，逻辑不太清晰，例证也比较薄弱，导致论述欠缺说服力。

此外，折中的观点有点难搞啊，虽说有大牛也写得出来，但是咱们如果没那个功夫还是一边倒比较好。没必要就为跟ETS整个输赢葬送咱分数，你说是吧~·~

看了之前楼主的文章，应该还是蛮有潜力哦，加油加油~~

sarahpx · 发表于 2012-8-5 15:44:47

8.4 独立修改

蓝色表示精彩，红色是个人觉得不妥处绿色总结

As the magnificent development of modern society, there is a heated debate whether it is more important to relate well to other people or to study hard at school. People’s opinions are inconstant on this complex and controversial issue. Some people holds that it is essential for us to develop good relationship with people around us. Other people argues that no matter what we need to do a good job when studying. As far as I am concerned, as college students（两个as 引导的短语连着出现有点奇怪额）, we should at firstly（有点生硬，如果一定要用at firstly 动词后面会不会好点？） study hard and then consider the relationship aspect.

In the first place, knowledge is the foundation of ourselves so that people should accumulate as much useful knowledge as they could. That is to say, we do not focus on the grades we might make but focus on the hardship we pay（句子挺好，但第二句跟分观点句……我follow不上lz的逻辑额，有点不解）. A famous philosopher called Zhouguoping once said:”Nothing great was ever achieved without great effort.” To further demonstrate this theory, we could look at the successful people around us, none of them have never given up their own lives and devote all of their attention to career.（最好能列出1,2个specific的successful people例子）

Furthermore, in modern society the concept of studying is no longer limit within(limited to) the fact of getting outstanding grades. More importantly, people need to take more time thinking about how to develop the most efficient studying habit and thus enable us to finish our future tasks more efficient. There is no denying that grades are the mirror of one’s study（这个意思是不是跟上面一段有重复？）. However, they(指代啥？) cannot reflect the time and effort we have paid to get them. To further illustrate this point, let me take my own experience as an example. I used to be quite slow when finishing research tasks assigned by professors. Even though I got good grades, I have to spend extra time on other subjects without rests. In order to change this situation, I talked to my fellow students and absorbed better studying habits. As a result, my studying efficiency gradually improved and I appliedthese（this）precious experience to my part-time as a marketing developer as well.

Admittedly, being able to develop friendly relationship with colleagues does benefit us in everyday work. I believe that no one would like to stay in an office full of dissatisfaction and angry. A harmonious environment among co-workers would no doubt promote the career and lives of every(all) individuals within it. Nevertheless, it is not enough for people to just get a good relationship with stuffs, boss or colleagues.(说的对，然后呢？让步完了还得用自己的观点反驳一下吧)

In all, as the reasons mentioned above, this question is a not an easy one. For people who want to be successful in the future careers, they should not only cultivate good study habits and then（but also） do their utmost to develop a larger social network.（这算是折中吗？） Only in this way can they fulfill the requirements of the harsh competition in the business world and achieve their goals.

总结：

总体感觉lz结构和语法没太大毛病，就是思路好像没展开，逻辑不太清晰，例证也比较薄弱，导致论述欠缺说服力。

此外，折中的观点有点难搞啊，虽说有大牛也写得出来，但是咱们如果没那个功夫还是一边倒比较好。没必要就为跟ETS整个输赢葬送咱分数，你说是吧~·~

看了之前楼主的文章，应该还是蛮有潜力哦，加油加油~~

sarahpx · 发表于 2012-8-5 15:46:01

啊啊啊`~~神那，怎么又抽风发了两次………………一样的。lemo同学不好意思，请无视我又犯傻

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-8-5 17:03:58

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecturer holds that according to the result of a six-month research, it is not a wise decision to assign tasks to a team of people. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which points out that the best way to approach certain new projects is to assemble a team to finish the task.

In the first place, the lecturer contends that in the research, some members of the team do not contribute much to the whole project thus make no difference to the final result. Besides, when the group of people finished the project successfully, they would always award the group as a whole without awarding every individual who worked hard in the team . However, the writer argues that taking part in a group process would enables team members to contribute to the group.

What is more, by reasoning that a group of people together would take a long period of time in order to reach agreement, the lecturer refutes the idea mentioned in the passage that the efficiency of the team would be improved. The lecturer mentions that the team members might organize several meetings to reach the final consistency（这个是consensus）.

Finally, considering the third point in the reading, which addresses that every member in the team have the opportunity to shine, the lecturer contradicts his point of view by providing us with examples. In some cases, the final result of such deliberation depends on one or two of those influential people (in the group). If they disagree with the decision of others, they would definitely turn down the decision without further discussion. Moreover, if they are convinced that the approach is creative, they might ignore the voice of other people who argues that the approach is not appropriate. In the end, if the team fell to achieve its prediction, not anyone of the group members but all of them are responsible for the aftermath.
不错，错误很少。而且组织的也很好。

呼仔的作文帖！求指导！握拳！有口语建议也进来呀！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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