bonfin作文贴

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-10 20:09:40

先谢谢帮我改作文的童鞋了，你们辛苦啦~以后就不占楼分别感谢了~

09.10 TPO15综合

In the passage, the writer asserts that because the toad reproduced rapidly, they threaten small native animals, it is necessary to take action to control the spread of the cane toad.The writer brings up three ways to solve the problem. However, the speaker refutes what states in the reading materials.

First, the writer suggests that building a national fence could be a efficient way to defend the spread ofthe cane toad. And they also controlled the rabbit population by the same wayand succeeded. But the speaker points out that considering that cane toad live in stream; it is easy for the young toad or eggs move into the protected area.

Second, the write proposes that the Australia government can organize volunteers groups to capture anddestroy cane toads. Moreover, it is easier to destroy young toads and toadeggs. The speaker argues that if the volunteers are not trained, they may be unfamiliar with the toad eggs and destroy the eggs of native frog by mistaken.

Last but not least, the writer comes up with the idea that researchers can use a disease-causing virusto control the cane toad population. The advantage of the method is that thevirus will be harmful only to cane toads and will not affect the population ofother reptile and amphibian species. The speaker says that the virus can be transmitted through the transportation of amphibian by researchers and collectors.Therefore, the virus will harm the king toads, which is the vital part inecosystem of South America. This directly contradicts the suggestion in the passage.

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-10 21:39:38

09.10 独立
In order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is more important than the excellent knowledge of this job.

提纲：
1.掌握知识是进入新公司的敲门砖，良好的知识背景会给公司带来利润，从而个人也得到晋升的机会。
2.只有了解工作中需要掌握的东西，才能更好地去适应新的工作环境。
3.适应环境也重要。

Nowadays, as the competition becomes more and more fierce, many people pursue more favorable jobs and pay close attention to a reality——how to succeed in doing a new job. Some people say the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is of significant importance, while others think the excellent knowledge of this job is more important. As far as I am concerned, the mastery of the job counts more in the success of the new job.

First of all, the good grasp of the knowledge of a new job is the key to get into a new company. When choosing new employees, the managers will definitely value people who have perfect understanding of job and have proficient skills. Therefore, if the knowledge base of someone is worse, he or she may be washed out in the interview. More importantly, in some fields, the excellent knowledge will bring company more profits. For example, in financial industry, the better understanding of math, investment and financial derivatives can help employees do well in making profits for company. As the result, they have more possibilities to be promoted.

Moreover, the excellent knowledge will consequently lead to remarkable performance in the new environment. The colleagues may admire the ability of the person. Once they have problems, they are more likely to communicate with the brilliant one and discuss the way to solve the problems. So, the person with good knowledge will integrate the new environment. On the contrary, if someone’s performance does not meet the expectation of the new partners and managers, they will not value him. So, it is difficult for the people to get into the work atmosphere.

Admittedly, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is also important, because only if they adapt the environment can they do well in their work. The adaption to the new environment includes both the ways to work and the relationship with other colleagues. In the good condition, people can take advantage of their potentiality to cooperate with other people and finish projects.

To sum up, the excellent knowledge of new job is more important than the ability to adapt the new environment.

fuzhengrui · 发表于 2012-9-10 22:24:48

Nowadays, as the competition becomes more and more fierce, many people pursue more favorable jobs and pay close attention to a reality——how to succeed in doing a new job. Some people say the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is of significant importance, while others think the excellent knowledge of this job is more important. As far as I am concerned, the mastery(好！） of the job counts more in the success of the new job.
First of all, the good grasp of the knowledge of a new job is the key to get into a new company. When choosing new employees, the managers will definitely value people who have perfect understanding of (this )job and have proficient skills. Therefore, if the knowledge base of someone is worse(if someone has poor knowledge base可能更好）, he or she may be washed out(好） in the interview. More importantly, in some fields, the excellent knowledge will bring company more profits. For example, in financial industry, the better understanding of math, investment and financial derivatives can help employees do well in making profits for company. As the result, they have more possibilities to be promoted.
Moreover, the excellent knowledge will consequently lead to remarkable performance in the new environment. The colleagues may admire the ability of the person. Once they have problems, they are more likely to communicate with the brilliant one and discuss the way to solve the problems. So, the person with good knowledge will integrate（少了个介词with,这个词组我也不太清楚合适不合适。。) the new environment. On the contrary, if someone’s performance does not meet the expectation of the new partners and managers, they will not value him. So, it is difficult for the people to get into the work atmosphere.
Admittedly, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is also important, because only if they adapt the environment can they do well in their work. The adaption to the new environment includes both the ways to work and the relationship with other colleagues. In the good condition, people can take advantage of their potentiality to cooperate with other people and finish projects.
To sum up, the excellent knowledge of new job is more important than the ability to adapt the new environment.

文章写的很不错，是我看的独立写作里面最好的一个！
比我写的好多了。。
还有一点小建议就是在结尾段也提一下succeed，这样在形式上显得更扣题一些。
膜拜

tracyn · 发表于 2012-9-11 01:23:00

In the passage, the writer asserts that because the toads reproduced rapidly, they threaten small native animals,.iIt is necessary to take action to control the spread of the cane toad.(这是三句话哟，没办法这么放在这呢~~) The writer brings up three ways to solve the problem(可能用threat更好，因为前面没有提到problem，不改也完全没有问题). However, the speaker refutes what ~~states~~is stated in the reading materials.

First, the writer suggests that building a national fence could be aan efficient way to defend the spread of the cane toad. And they also controlled the rabbit population by the same way and succeeded. But the speaker points out that considering that cane toad live in stream;，it is easy for the young toad or eggs to move into the protected area.(这句话里面的considering是不能这么用的，如果是这样用的话，considering的主语是it，而it是不能做considering的主语的，只有人可以。)

Second, the write proposes that the Australia government can organize volunteers groups to capture and destroy cane toads. Moreover, it is ~~easier~~(直接用easy就好)to destroy young toads and toad eggs. 我是转折词~~ The speaker argues that if the volunteers are not trained, they may be unfamiliar with the toad eggs and destroy the eggs of native frog by mistaken.

Last but not least, the writer comes up with the idea that researchers can use a disease-causing virusto control the cane toad’s population. The advantage of the method is that thevirus will be harmful only to cane toads and will not affect the population of other reptile and amphibian species. 我是转折词~~ The speaker says that the virus can be transmitted through the transportation of amphibian by researchers and collectors. Therefore, the virus will harm the king toads, which is the vital part in ecosystem of South America. This directly contradicts the suggestion in the passage. (这段听的好清楚呢~~赞一个！！)

然后我有一个问题啦~~这个toad到底可数还是不可数呢~~~

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-11 20:16:20

09.10 TPO15综合（第二次修改）

In the passage, the writer asserts that because the toads reproduced rapidly, they threaten small native animals,.iIt is necessary to take action to control the spread of the cane toad.(这是三句话哟，没办法这么放在这呢~~) The writer brings up three ways to solve the problem(可能用threat更好，因为前面没有提到problem，不改也完全没有问题). However, the speaker refutes what ~~states~~is stated in the reading materials.

First, the writer suggests that building a national fence could be aan efficient way to defend the spread of the cane toad. And they also controlled the rabbit population by the same way and succeeded. But the speaker points out that considering that cane toad live in stream;，it is easy for the young toad or eggs to move into the protected area.(这句话里面的considering是不能这么用的，如果是这样用的话，considering的主语是it，而it是不能做considering的主语的，只有人可以。)（改为：But the speaker points out that it is easy for the young toads or egges to move into the protected area, because they live in the rivers and sreams.）

Second, the write proposes that the Australia government can organize volunteers groups to capture and destroy cane toads. Moreover, it is ~~easier~~(直接用easy就好)to destroy young toads and toad eggs. 我是转折词~~(On the contrary, the speaker...)The speaker argues that if the volunteers are not trained, they may be unfamiliar with the toad eggs and destroy the eggs of native frog by mistaken.

Last but not least, the writer comes up with the idea that researchers can use a disease-causing virusto control the cane toad’s population. The advantage of the method is that thevirus will be harmful only to cane toads and will not affect the population of other reptile and amphibian species. 我是转折词~~(However, the speaker...) The speaker says that the virus can be transmitted through the transportation of amphibian by researchers and collectors. Therefore, the virus will harm the king toads, which is the vital part in ecosystem of South America. This directly contradicts the suggestion in the passage. (这段听的好清楚呢~~赞一个！！)

然后我有一个问题啦~~这个toad到底可数还是不可数呢~~~
是可数啦。。。有时候写掉了= =

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-11 20:25:53

09.11 TPO16 综合

In the passage, the writer says that the archaeology-dedicated to uncovering and studying old cultural artifacts sank to situation with serious problems and limitation. But the speaker refutes the declaration by explaining the change in the guideline.

First, the writer asserts that a cascade of construction was built in British because of the rapidly growing population. The builders often break down the archaeologically valuable sites and destroy the artifacts. However, the speaker points out that the construction company begin to examine whether the buildings have archaeology value before they set up new construction. Therefore, they could make a plan to preserve the buildings if they are archaeology valuable.

Moreover, the archaeology projects are funded by the construction company other than government according to the change in the guideline. So, the phenomenon that hundreds of projects are not under support will not happen. On the contrary, archaeologists have more money to research than in the past. This directly contradicts what is stated in the passage.

Last but not least, the writer claims that people who work as archaeology have few salaries. As a result, many of them change their jobs or go on researching without pay. However, the speaker argues that market demand of professional archaeology experts increases, because more and more projects need archaeologists to process data and make plans under the request of new guideline. So, there are more opportunities in archaeology than ever before.

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-11 22:31:17

09.11 独立
It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.

提纲：
1.随着教育和信息媒介的发展，越来越多的人能接受到良好的教育，为他们参与竞争并取得成功打下了基础；随着社会更加公平、开放，也使他们更容易取得成功。
2.公司更看重个人的能力，综合素质和业务技能较强的人更能取得成功，而不是因为他们的家庭帮助。
3.诚然，有些人获得家庭的帮助更容易成功，例如创业需要大量资金、或者工作需要一定人脉时。

In contemporary society, most people pursue success in their career. Whether success is much easier to attain without family members’ help than in the past or not has aroused heated debate. Some say that people can succeed without the help from their family members’ help. I can agree with their view, but with reservations.

To begin with, government, companies and Non-Governmental Organization sacrifice more to spur the development of education. Therefore, more and more people could get educated and chase the opportunities to succeed. Moreover, people could learn knowledge from the distance education or tutoring class. The development of education and media definitely offers different ways for people to improve their abilities to compete in the society. Furthermore, the society becomes more open and values justice more than before. So, the help from family members has fewer effects on people’s success than ever before.

Meanwhile, most present companies pay close attention to person’s abilities. For example, in the selling industry, people with excellent eloquence and good promotion skills will bring the company more profits. As a result, company may promote and give more salaries to the person. On the contrary, if someone gets a job through his or her family members’ assistance but does not have remarkable work appearance, success will never arrive. Thus, the factor of family members’ help counts less and less in today’s competition. The success of people is more determined by their comprehensive qualities and professional skills.

Granted, I concede that in some situation family’s help is important. Take the entrepreneurship for example, people who starting their own business will need a lot of money to establish their companies. Making companies run and profit also needs money. Another example is that if they are businessmen, the network is of significant importance. If people have contacts to many managers of different industries, they will get more opportunities to cooperate with these companies. Hence, their business will run more efficiently and profitably. Since some family members work in commercial circles, people can get help from their family members and are more likely to succeed than others.

In summary, I admit that in some extent family members’ help could raise the possibilities of someone’s success. Nonetheless, in most circumstance, the changed society favors the people with excellent abilities and they are easier to succeed without assistance from family and relatives.

bonfin · 发表于 2012-9-12 00:19:28

09.10 独立（第二次修改）
In order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is more important than the excellent knowledge of this job.

Nowadays, as the competition becomes more and more fierce, many people pursue more favorable jobs and pay close attention to a reality——how to succeed in doing a new job. Some people say the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is of significant importance, while others think the excellent knowledge of this job is more important. As far as I am concerned, the mastery(好！） of the job counts more in the success of the new job.
First of all, the good grasp of the knowledge of a new job is the key to get into a new company. When choosing new employees, the managers will definitely value people who have perfect understanding of (this )job and have proficient skills. Therefore, if the knowledge base of someone is worse(if someone has poor knowledge base可能更好）, he or she may be washed out(好） in the interview. More importantly, in some fields, the excellent knowledge will bring company more profits. For example, in financial industry, the better understanding of math, investment and financial derivatives can help employees do well in making profits for company. As the result, they have more possibilities to be promoted.
Moreover, the excellent knowledge will consequently lead to remarkable performance in the new environment. The colleagues may admire the ability of the person. Once they have problems, they are more likely to communicate with the brilliant one and discuss the way to solve the problems. So, the person with good knowledge will integrate（少了个介词with,这个词组我也不太清楚合适不合适。。) （改为integrate into） the new environment. On the contrary, if someone’s performance does not meet the expectation of the new partners and managers, they will not value him. So, it is difficult for the people to get into the work atmosphere.
Admittedly, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is also important, because only if they adapt the environment can they do well in their work. The adaption to the new environment includes both the ways to work and the relationship with other colleagues. In the good condition, people can take advantage of their potentiality to cooperate with other people and finish projects.
To sum up, the excellent knowledge of new job is more important than the ability to adapt the new environment. Thus, people who own excellent knowledge are more likely to succeed in the fierce competition.

beiyezi · 发表于 2012-9-12 12:29:34

In the passage, the writer says that the archaeology-dedicated to uncovering and studying old cultural artifacts

sank to situation with serious problems and limitation. But the speaker refutes the declaration by explaining the change in the guideline.

First, the writer asserts that a cascade of construction was built in British because of the rapidly growing population. The builders often break down the archaeologically valuable sites and destroy the artifacts. However, the speaker points out that the construction company(companies) begin to examine whether the buildings have archaeology value before they set up new construction. Therefore, they could make a plan to preserve the buildings if they are archaeology valuable.

Moreover, the archaeology projects are funded by the construction company other than government according to the change in the guideline. So, the phenomenon that hundreds of projects are not under support will not happen. On the contrary, archaeologists have more money to research than in the past. This directly contradicts what is stated in the passage.

Last but not least, the writer claims that people who work as archaeology have few salaries. As a result, many of them change their jobs or go on researching without pay. However, the speaker argues that market demand of professional archaeology experts increases, because more and more projects need archaeologists to process data and make plans under the request of new guideline. So, there are more opportunities in archaeology than ever before.

要点都有了,,也没什么错..

xeyyxzty · 发表于 2012-9-12 21:22:02

不好意思这么晚才来看作文~是我水平不好吧~真的没有挑出什么错呢

好惭愧................

In contemporary society, most people pursuesuccess in their career. Whether success is much easier to attain withoutfamily members’ help than in the past or not has aroused a(应该需要吧) heated debate. Some say that people can succeed without thehelp from their family members~~’ help~~. Ican agree with their view, but with reservations.

To begin with, government, companies and Non-Governmental Organizations(不能直接出现NGOs哈~我都忘记了,这提醒了我) sacrifice more to spurthe development of education. Therefore, more and more people could geteducated and chase(seize怎么样？) theopportunities to succeed. Moreover, people could learn knowledge from thedistance education or tutoring classes. Thedevelopment of education and media definitely offers different ways for people to improve their abilities to compete in thesociety. Furthermore, the society becomes more open and values justice morethan before. So, the help from family members has fewer effects on people’s successthan ever before.

Meanwhile, most present companies pay close attention to person’s abilities.For example, in the selling (还是sales？哪个？)industry, people with excellent eloquence and goodpromotion skills will bring the company more profits. As a result, company maypromote and give more salaries to the person（前面提到的是people,这里用them感觉比较好~同时promotesb是不是就可以~那么promotethem while raising the salary如何）. On the contrary, if someone gets a jobthrough his or her family members’ assistance but does not have remarkable workappearance, success will never arrive. Thus, the factor of family members’ helpcounts less and less in today’s competition. The success of people is moredetermined(可以这样吗?mostlydetermined怎么样？或者别的什么) by their comprehensivequalities and professional skills.

Granted, I concede that in some situation family’s help is important. Take theentrepreneurship for example, people who starting their own business will needa lot of money to establish their companies. Making companies run and profitalso needs money. Another example is that if they are businessmen, the networkis of significant importance. If people have contacts to many managers of different industries, they will get moreopportunities to cooperate with these companies. Hence, their business will runmore efficiently（有关系吗？没有吧~willdevelop faster and gain more profit如何?） and profitably. Since some family members work in commercialcircles, people can get help from their familymembers(àthem) and are(so they are，这里有一个因果吧) more likely to succeed than others.

In summary, I admit that in some extent family members’ help could raise thepossibilities of someone’s success. Nonetheless, in most circumstances, the changed society favors the people with excellent abilities andthey are easier to succeed without assistance from family and relatives.

bonfin作文贴

9.11 综合修改

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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