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[作文互改] 恳求狠拍,argument60 十来天就考试了,急需帮助!

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-5 22:19:09 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
60) The following appeared in a letter froma firm providing investment advice for a client.
Most homes in the northeastern UnitedStates, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as theirmajor fuel for heating. Last heating season that region experienced 90 dayswith below-normal temperatures, and climate forecasters predict that thisweather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many newhomes are being built in the region in response to recent population growth.Because of these trends, we predict an increased demand for heating oil andrecommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major businessoperations is the retail sale of home heating oil.



The notion that the demand for heating oilshould increase and the recommendation that investors should focus on the majorheating oil seller called Consolidated Industries seems at the first glance tobe an obvious conclusion. After all, the arguer cites some seemingly plausiblefacts: (1) that the winters in northeastern United States is typically cold andthe weather pattern will continue according to the climate forecasters; (2)thatmany new home are being built in the region in response to recent populationgrowth. The arguer, however, should have convinced more, since close scrutinyof the evidences above reveals that the argument is fraught with value, oversimplifiedand unconvinced assumptions, making the notion unpersuasive as it stands.

The underlying assumption the argumentrelies upon is that the climate forecasts are reliable. Unfortunately, no onecould substantiate the vital assumption, since it is common sense that even thefinest forecast equipment may take a mistake in predicting tomorrow weather,let alone a period as long as several years. In light of this, it is entirelypossible that a warm section of a climate cycle contributes to a decreaseddemand of heating oil. And perhaps the unexpected change in climate may heavilyblows the investors' confidence, rendering a sharp decrease in share price ofConsolidated Industries. As is shown above, without showing furtherinformation, the uncertainty of the future weather would undoubtedly challengethe author's argument, making the conclusion in vain.

Granted that, in ideal condition, weatherforecast precisely describes the climate in the following several years, thereis still an apparent flaw emerged in the article. That is, traditionally usingheating oil as a major fuel of heating by most homes do not necessity implythat owners of the new homes in this region select  heating oil as their first choice forheating. It is apparently possible that more owners are willing to chooseelectric heaters instead of heating oil thanking to the rapid development oftechnology. Moreover, it may be that the price of heating wood decreases dramaticallyfor some complex reasons, making the oil lack of competitiveness in comparisonwith the wood.

Last but not least, even if the demand ofthe heating oil is indeed increasing as the argument predicts, therecommendation that investors should focus on Consolidated Industries is still opento doubt. As is well known, the ability of a company to make profit is acomplex function of supply, demand and other economic factors. Possibilitiesare that worldwide shortage of heating oil may shock Consolidated Industriesharshly and that nationwide economic depression may negatively impact theprofit of Consolidated Industries. All these possible factors can surely makeit hard for the arguer to defend his conclusion without enrich the evidencescited in the argument.

In a nutshell, the argument is logicallyflawed in many aspects and therefore farfetched as it stands. In order toreinforce the argument, the author should have provide some furtherinformation: (1)the creditability of the climate forecast; (2) the cogent informationof the trend of some other energy besides heating oil; (3)some complete financialrecord of the Consolidated Industries. Only in this way can the arguer drawreliable conclusion and be accepted by more people.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-5 23:40:33 | 只看该作者
提纲:
1气候预报不可信
2以前都用oil不意味着现在也用,没考虑其他如电、木头
3是否适合投资不仅取决于oil需求大不大,如供给和经济环境对公司盈利有影响
板凳
发表于 2012-8-6 00:39:43 | 只看该作者
首段末尾段想办法精简下,整体上就很不错了。应该是训练有素的
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-6 13:36:34 | 只看该作者
感谢感谢!首末短想着写厚点凑字。。。
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