mint的写作贴~~大家来猛拍吧~~感激ing

remint · 发表于 2012-7-6 19:13:29

7月6日独立On a Sunday afternoon,I tried to clear upthe old stuffs of the house which mainly came from my grandfather’s.Besidesboxes of books and letters,what I found were boxes of tapes which arouse mycuriosity.After asking my grandfather,I learnt that the tapes were for Englishstudy and were very precious material at that moment.
If you have never had such experience as mygrandfather’s,you would never know how easily to become educated nowadays.

Undeniable, technology exert significantimpact on our daily life by changing a lot of living ways,specifically,thestudy ways. On no account can we ignore the convenience and efficiency broughtby the advancing techonologies.When we need the information for researches orpaperes, instead of searching piles of books in the library in order to findout the useful ones, we just need to click the mouse,type several keys words into the computer and wait the proper information shown on the screen. In thisway, we saved our time which can be used to further learning or can be spent onmore fields which we are interested in. With the help of rapidly growingtechnology, people begin to change their learning method into a easier wayconveniently and efficiently.

What’s more, the fierce competition amongpeople get them into the habit of learning. It is widely acknowledged thatpeople are easily influenced by the environment they involve in. Just imaginewhat it would be like if your friends and family members never read books orstudy in high motivation, you will certainly get the implications that to beeducated is unnecessary at all. However, most positions in the job markets needthe employee either has high education or expert in certain technical skill.That is the reason why everybody keeps studying after graduation and even makeit a life-long process. The pressure from the surroundings acts as the motionto push us to chase further on the way to the palace of knowledge.

Last, we cannot emphasize the importantrole played by the government too much. In the past, the government used toinvest mainly on the public infrastructures to help economic growth. Overrecent years ,since the government realized that education is an essential wayto improve the international reputation , investments spent on education ,suchas the compulsory one for the children from 6 to 15 years old, has risesignificantly. In this way, the basic education covers so wildly over thecountry that the government report has shown continuous drop of the illiteraterate. What a golden age we live in !

From what discussed above, we can draw theconclusion safely that many factors lead us easier to be educated. So many goodopportunities are welcomed us that we can’t waste the time any more. Takingactions right now, pick up a book from your bookshelf and learn something!

sang824 · 发表于 2012-7-7 17:01:30

蓝色建议，黄色高亮，红色修改

On a Sunday afternoon,I tried to clear up the old stuffs of the house which mainly came from my grandfather’s.Besides boxes of books and letters,what I found were boxes of tapes which arouse mycuriosity.After asking my grandfather,I learnt that the tapes were for Englishstudy and were very precious material at that moment.
If you have never had such experience as mygrandfather’s,you would never know how easily to become educated nowadays.(还第一次见到这种开头呢，第一段最好要表明自己观点，我觉得说的还不够清楚哈)

Undeniable (Undeniably), technology exerts significant impact on our daily life by changing a lot of living ways,specifically,the study ways. On no account can we ignore the convenience and efficiency brought by the advancing techonologies.When we need the information for researches or paperes, instead of searching piles of books in the library in order to find out the useful ones, we just need to click the mouse,type several keys words into the computer and wait the proper information shown on the screen. In this way, we saved our time which can be used to further learning or can be spent on more fields which we are interested in.(从句套从句，建议简化) With the help of rapidly growing technology, people begin to change their learning method into a easier way conveniently and efficiently.(我觉得这里欠缺一点逻辑连接，没有论述到主题上，段落主要说的是科技让我们获取知识更方便，那么人们更愿意去学习blabla,自然become more educated...)

What’s(IBT写作不出现缩写 What is) more, the fierce competition among people get them into the habit of learning. It is widely acknowledged that people are easily influenced by the environment they involve in. Just imagine what it would be like if your friends and family members never read books or study in high motivation, you will certainly get the implications that to be educated is unnecessary at all(我觉得还是写正面好吧,如果周围的人都学习读书，你也很容易被影响). However(貌似没有转折，Moreover/More importantly), most positions in the job marketsneed(不确定有没有这种说法，require that？) the employee either has high education level/background or expert in certain technical skill.That is the reason why everybody keeps studying after graduation and even make it a life-long process. The pressure from the surroundings acts as the motion to push us to chase further on the way to the palace of knowledge.

Last, we cannot emphasize the important role played by the governmenttoo much. In the past, the government used to invest mainly on the public infrastructures to help economic growth. Over recent years ,since the government realized that education is an essential way to improve the international reputation , investments spent on education ,such as the compulsory one for the children from 6 to 15 years old, has rise significantly. In this way,(用过了，可以换at that note) the basic education covers so wildly over the country that the government report has shown continuous drop of the illiterate rate. What a golden age we live in !

From what discussed above, we can draw th econclusion safely that many factors lead us easier to be educated. So many good opportunities are welcomed us that we ~~can’t~~ cannot waste the time any more. Taking actions right now, pick up a book from your bookshelf and learn something.

Mint是第一次写IBT作文吗?真心赞一个，语法错误很少，很多用词很棒
很多长句用的很好，但是ETS似乎不喜欢太多长句，用最有效简短的方式最清楚的表达出意思才是ETS所爱。
建议mint看看《十天搞定托福作文》，有一些很八股，但适合考试的讲解
另外就是例子，论述部分太多，建议分别加入例子，具体化，就算是编的，也比纯说理强。
加油亲！相信你会写的很赞！~

remint · 发表于 2012-7-7 17:46:10

谢谢亲！抱回去好好琢磨琢磨~写的第一篇~~~写作好差越差越不愿意写哈哈~

remint · 发表于 2012-7-7 19:20:37

7月7日独立~
Whenever I have time, I always open up thealbums and retrospect the cherish memories spent with my best friend—Sunny. Sofunny a girl she is that made every moment we shared together, no matter goingto the park or the art exhibitions, full of fun. All the photos are the best recordsof my growing steps with her and show the great importance of having a friend thatI can have fun with. Having a friend who can bring you happiness is essentialbecause the positive attitudes will do good to your growth as well as morefunny experience will lead an amazing world to your life. Will somebody feelreluctant to have a friend who takes you to a world with enjoyment?

Have you ever noticed that when you sparetime with a person who is talkative, your own speech skills improved? Have youever noticed that when you together with a friend who is creative, new ideascame into your mind unexpectedly? Have you ever been aware that when you with afriend who are always eager to try the fangle, you became more brave to the adventures?Those who make our live better and more funny have already change usunconsciously. When I was very young, a book named the long socks girl reallyimpressed me. In the story, a girl wearing long socks was very funny, sheraised a horse and a monkey at home and two of her best friends were her neighborsand made big different to their future. The fairy tale reflects some realisticsignificance to the daily life.

What’s more, not only does good to yourgrowth, making a funny friend also help you with your distress ordisappointment from the difficulties or frustrations. Some people may say thatonly relief of such emotions cannot thoroughly solve the problem, I am on the oppositestand of it. Nowadays, it is more important to have a positive attitudes towardthe problem, happiness and enjoyment are the power to help you to be strongenough to solve various problems, which a friend himself may not expert in. Atthe suffer time, choosing to spend a whole day with a funny friend will easeour tense nerves and make better mentally preparation to the upcomingchallenges. Undeniably, we got huge advantages from the pleasure moments withthe funny friends.

On the other hand, I do not deny thatmaking a friend in need has its own merit. When you are in trapped within thedifficulties, it won’t be a bad choice to ask someone who is willing to give ahand. In that case, they will make it easier to solve some problems, but itcannot be ignored that dependence may grow due to long time aids. Consideringthe side effect, the importance of having a friend in need can still be open todiscuss.

From what have been stated above, we can safely drawthe conclusion that it pays to make a friend who bring you fun and happinessand that he or she can exercise you a far-reaching influence during yourlifetime.

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-7-8 00:00:38

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Whenever I have time, I always open up the albums and retrospect the cherish memories spent with my best friend—Sunny. So funny a girl she is that made every moment we shared together, no matter going to the park or the art exhibitions, full of fun. All the photos are the best records of my growing steps with her and show the great importance of having a friend that I can have fun with. Having a friend who can bring you happiness is essential because the positive attitudes will do good to your growth as well as more funny experiences will lead an amazing world to your life. Will somebody feels reluctant to have a friend who takes you to a world with enjoyment?

Have you ever noticed that when you spare time with a person who is talkative, your own speech skills improved? Have you ever noticed that when you together(you use it as a verb?) with a friend who is creative, new ideas came into your mind unexpectedly? Have you ever been aware that when you (no verb here?) with a friend who are always eager to try the fangle, you became more brave to the adventures? Those who make our live better and more funny have already change us unconsciously. When I was very young, a book named the long socks girl really impressed me. In the story, a girl wearing long socks was very funny, she raised a horse and a monkey at home and two of her best friends were her neighbors and made big different to their future. The fairy tale reflects some realistic significance to the daily life.

What’s more, not only does good to your growth, making a funny friend also help you with your distress or disappointment from the difficulties or frustrations. Some people may say that only relief of such emotions cannot thoroughly solve the problem, I am on the opposite stand of it. Nowadays, it is more important to have a positive attitudes toward the(这个为什么特指呢？)problem , happiness and enjoyment are the power to（that） help you to be strong enough to solve various problems, which a friend himself may not expert in. At the suffer time, choosing to spend a whole day with a funny friend will ease our tense nerves and make better mentally preparation to the upcoming challenges. Undeniably, we got huge advantages from the pleasure moments with the（our） funny friends.

On the other hand, I do not deny that making a friend in need has its own merit. When you are in trapped within the difficulties, it won’t be a bad choice to ask someone who is willing to give a hand. In that case, they will make it easier to solve some problems, but it cannot be ignored that dependence may grow due to long time aids. Considering the（this）side effect, the importance of having a friend in need can still be open to discuss.

From what have been stated above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it pays to make a friend who bring you fun and happiness and that he or she can exercise you a far-reaching influence during your lifetime.

逻辑很好，小处注意就好了额。

remint · 发表于 2012-7-8 17:55:37

独立7.8
It is not an uncommon situation that your friend comes up with the problems while deal with his school tasks. In that case, those who prefer to give their friends a hand believe that to be a friend in need is undoubtedly .But whether the help is effective, I think is still open to discuss. Actually, after considering every aspect, I would rather suggest my friend to ask professional tutor for help. To fully understand my view, it’s necessary to see the following reasons.

Common though the way to help a friend with the schoolwork ourselves, it is no more convenient than to ask for the tutor directly. My own story can provide a good proof to this point. Last term before the final exam, my best friend phoned me for a difficult math question. I promised to figure it out without hesitation, but after racking my brain for the whole night, I failed to solve the problem. What made it funny was that our tutor told us this problem was out of the course content in class, which meant the exam would not involve any related knowledge of it. How frustrated I was at that time, as the whole night wasted could have spent on other important subjects. The story is not rare in daily life. If only we had asked the professional tutor directly, we could have solved the problem more efficiently and more conveniently.

Another key point is that discussing the schoolwork with the tutor is definitely a good way to improve personal communication skills. Nobody is more familiar and specialized to the course than the tutor of a certain subject; what’s more, they have better understandings of what the professor teaching the class focuses on. Discussing with the tutor, not only can we learn a lot from solving problems, we can also deepen the perception of the whole filed in an academic way. Some extra benefits, such as more information about the exam range, will be given to you if you are lucky enough. As a result, the more questions you discuss with your tutor, the more improvement you will get. After a term, you will find how largely it helps you with the communication skills, especially in academic part.

Certainly, solving the problem with my friend has its own advantages. Our friendship will be enhanced by sharing time together, our study passion will be aroused through fiercely debating and our impression on the problem will be very clear. But all of those can be got by other methods discussing the problem together after going for the tutor.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion from the merits of the help from tutor. Next, when the phone of asking aids from you, you should not easily lend a hand as a so-called true friend.

remint · 发表于 2012-7-8 17:56:20

7.8综合

The reading passage raises the issues that the yellow cedar is decreasing since about 1880 for three main reasons.The professor refutes that the claims are not adequate by providing further different evidence.

The speaker mentions that the healty cedars are more resistant to the insect infestation than other species,because their leaves and tree barks are saturated with poisonous chemicals.The reason why the record in the reading for beetles attack is that the beetles attacks the trees which are already damaged and sick,which are likely to be dead.According his statement,the beetles are not the fundamental factor for the decrease of the trees.

The next view made by the professor is that the dropping exists all over the north coastline of the United States,including both the mainland and the island.What needs to be pointed is that on the island,the Cedar's population still decreased withou bear living.The above evidence shows that the bear is also not the key factor.

The speaker also demurs the third hypothesis by declaring that an important fact is missing in the reading.The decreas is more seriously in the low elevation areas than the high elevation ones .What's more ,the temperature in the low elevation is warm,while in high elevation is cold.This indicates that the root systems are not sensitive in cold weather.If not,the trees would die more in the high elevation places.

包子不包子 · 发表于 2012-7-9 06:18:05

7.8综合

The reading passage raises the issues that the yellow cedar is decreasing since about 1880 for three main reasons.The professor refutes that the claims are not adequate by providing further different evidence.

The speaker mentions that the healty cedars are more resistant to the insect infestation than other species,because their leaves and tree barks are saturated with poisonous chemicals.The reason why the record in the reading for beetles attack is that the beetles attacks the trees which are already damaged and sick,which are likely to be dead.According to his statement,the beetles are not the fundamental factor for the decrease of the trees.

The next view made by the professor is that the dropping exists all over the northwestern coastline of the United States,including both the mainland and the island.What needs to be pointed is that on the island,the Cedar's population still decreased withou bear living.The above evidence shows that the bear is also not the key factor.

The speaker also demurs the third hypothesis by declaring that an important fact is missing in the reading.The decreas is more seriously in the low elevation areas than the high elevation ones .What's more ,the temperature in the low elevation is warm,while in high elevation is cold.This indicates that the root systems are not sensitive in cold weather.If not,the trees would die more in the high elevation places.

可以适当提携阅读中的观点对照比较起来逻辑更清楚
蛮好的了小问题标点后要加空格哈

remint · 发表于 2012-7-9 20:18:10

With the rapid growth of the economic, oncompanies does not want to take usage of the trend to make more profits. The decisionsfor the investment always need to be cautious for hundreds of companies become bankruptdue to the incorrect decisions. That’s the reason why no matter the shareholdersor the executive boards often have controversial ideas about the investmentissues. Some of them hold the idea that money should be invested into thetraining programs for workers to improve their skills, which make their workingmore efficient and proficient; while others express other views. In my opinion,it’s too early to make a hasty conclusion for investment is a complex processdepending on different types of companies and different conditions.

Admittedly, workers’ skills are veryessential to the development of companies.’ In the 21 century, human resourcesare the core competitive capacities for companies.’ Just imagine what it wouldbe like if a company runs with all the employees who are lack the professional knowledgeand not familiar with the advancing industrial progress. Definitely, it willpose a great threaten to the daily operation of the company, let alone thefuture development. If human resources are as blood of the company, the updated training for them acts as the fresh air providing the fresh oxygen tokeep it run healthily. However, otheraspects are also indispensable in order to help the company win the success.

On no account can we less the importance ofhigh-tech equipments in manufacture industry. The companies in this field havethe following characteristics: their massive products are made from thestreamline and the profits rely largely on the equipment efficiency. A reputablecompany called Bao Gang in China
is famous for its high –tech equipment for management and steel production. Theadvancing technique makes great contribution to the in-time demand worldwideand emphasizes much more on environmental protection by reusing heat from the exhaustionand recycling the waste water. By investing majority funds on this part, BaoGang is well known for decades and continuously devotes to GDP growth of China. Thus, itis not hard to tell the importance of the high-tech equipment investment.
Brand marketing and sales promotion arealso need to be focused when making investment decisions. P&G spends lotsof investment on building up its goldenbrand, specifying its products from other companies like Luxury, and promotingnew products by attractive various advertisements. No denying the success ofP&G is due to its brilliant investment on this special perspective.

So as discussed above, there is no absolutestandard for a big company’s investment decision.

jasonliu119 · 发表于 2012-7-9 21:05:30

It is not an uncommon situation （个人对这个曲折的表达很反感，呵呵，不知道ETS怎么看）that your friend comes up with the problems while deal （dealing）with his school tasks. In that case, those who prefer to give their friends a hand believe that to be a friend in need is undoubtedly（什么意思？用形容词吧？） .But whether the help is effective, I think is （两个动词了。it is吧？）still open to discuss. Actually, after considering every aspect, I would rather suggest my friend to ask professional tutor for help. To fully understand my view, it’s necessary to see the following reasons.

Common though the way to help a friend with the schoolwork ourselves, it is no more convenient than to ask for the tutor directly. My own story can provide a good proof to this point. Last term before the final exam, my best friend phoned me for a difficult math question. I promised to figure it out without hesitation, but after racking my brain for the whole night, I failed to solve the problem. What made it funny was that our tutor told us this problem was out of the course content in class, which meant the exam would not involve any related knowledge of it. How frustrated I was at that time, as the whole night wasted could have （此处应该用被动，been） spent on other important subjects. The story is not rare in daily life. If only we had asked the professional tutor directly, we could have solved the problem more efficiently and more conveniently.（好句）

Another key point is that discussing the schoolwork with the tutor is definitely a good way to improve personal communication skills. Nobody is more familiar and specialized to the course than the tutor of a certain subject; what’s more, they have better understandings of what the professor teaching the class focuses on. Discussing with the tutor, not only can we learn a lot from solving problems（此处改用the solutions to to the problems 更好吧？）, we can also deepen the perception of the whole filed in an academic way. Some extra benefits, such as more information about the exam range, will be given to you if you are lucky enough.（这点我怕老外不太理解，呵呵） As a result, the more questions you discuss with your tutor, the more improvement you will get. （好句）After a term, you will find how largely it helps you with the communication skills, especially in academic part.（这段中心是说问问题时提高自身的交流能力，但是觉得你的论证不够贴切哦。我会这样说：当问一个问题时，学生会尽力阐明这个问题和自己的看法，这样就可以提高表达、交流能力了。）

Certainly, solving the problem with my friend has its own advantages. Our friendship will be enhanced by sharing time together, our study passion will be aroused through fiercely debating and our impression on the problem will be very clear. But all of those can be got by other methods discussing the problem together after going for the tutor.（这句话我看不懂，got改为received吧，然后那个by other methods discussing the problem together after going for the tutor什么意思啊？methods指什么方法？然后discussing这个主动结构是修饰methods的？给我的感觉是methods拟人化了、、、、）

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion from the merits of the help from tutor. Next, when the phone of asking aids from you, you should not easily lend a hand as a so-called true friend.

总的来说不错的啊！
最大的特点就是句式丰富，论证得很丰满。就是个别地方我觉得是弄巧反拙了，可以表达更加直接、简洁和有效吧~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-712479-1-1.html 这是我对写作的一些看法~

mint的写作贴大家来猛拍吧感激ing

from Jason

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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