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[作文互改] argument 9 球拍

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楼主
发表于 2012-3-8 09:57:35 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Merely based on a series of unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidences, the arguer reaches a fallacious conclusion that Nature's Way(NW) tend to be profitable in Plainsville. However, profound scrutiny reveals that the author commits such logical flaws as cause and effect, hasty conclusion, insufficient investigation and analyses.

Citing the report of high sales of  running shoes and excercising clothes, the arguer claims that people in Plainsville are leading healthy lives. While people who buy running shoes might be fond of running, the author does not effectively make a concrete connection between high sales and healthy lives.  Other reasons which might lead to  high sales of sports equipements are overlooked. Perhaps, the runing shoes and excercising clothes happens to be very popular at this time, and the trend will reverse after a few monthes. Or perhaps the high sales are due to the increasing sales to tourists. It is also possible that sports shoes and clothes are much cheaper than other clothes,thus people prefer to buy them. Without evidences to prove that these and other scenarios are unlikely, the reasoning is not sound.What's more, the vaguely usage of "high" is too subjective to insinuate the true level of sales. The local merchants might do a relatively small business, and they think the sales of 5000 dallors are high, which might be thought to be a low level by merchants from a different district. Unless a more sufficient analysis is made along with a more representative and valid survey, this argument is unconvincing.

In addition, to support his opinion, the arguer points out that the health clubs have more people and the schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program. The arguer hastily concludes that the people are leading healthy lives.However, a totally different situation might be possible. Perhaps so many people in Plainsville are leading unhealty lives that more and more people are getting overweight, thus the healty clubs including the weight trainning and aerobics classes are always full. It may also be true that the schoolchildren are requied to participate in a fitness-for-life program, just because the children are not interested in leading healthy lives. To make his arguement convincing, the arguer should provide more evidences concerning the living habits of the Plainsville people. The evidences used are too vague to be representative.

Even if it is true that the Plainsville people are leading healthy lives, it is unreasonable to indicate that they will be fond of buying healthy food and products. Perhaps they find regular excercises and club activations are already enough to help them keep healthy, and buying healthy food is just a waste of money. Even if people want to buy food and products, there is no evidence to show that they will buy them from NW. Perhaps there are already multiple healthy food stores in Plainsville which provide a better service than NW. People may want to buy from other shops which provide food with better tastes or just cheaper prices. Even if it is true that people now in Plainsville will surely buy from NW, it is likely that this trend will flutuate or reverse in the next few years.In these scenarios, people would not like to buy from NW. The auhor lacks a profund analyses of the consuming habits of the local people and the local market, thus the reasoning is not convincing.

To sum up, this argument is not sound since the evidences listed can not lend strong support to the conclusion. To gain credibility, the author should make a much more sufficient investigation and analyze all of the possible scenarios concerning the living and consumming habits of the Plainsville People.
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沙发
发表于 2012-3-8 11:11:12 | 只看该作者
Even if it is true that the Plainsville people are leading healthy lives, it is unreasonable to indicate that they will be fond of buying healthy food and products.

这里的indicate用得不是很准确。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-3-8 11:28:24 | 只看该作者
Even if it is true that the Plainsville people are leading healthy lives, it is unreasonable to indicate that they will be fond of buying healthy food and products.

这里的indicate用得不是很准确。
-- by 会员 普渡哥 (2012/3/8 11:11:12)


恩,改成assert,或者claim之类的。
indicate是指示。
地板
发表于 2012-3-8 17:03:44 | 只看该作者
没有很明显的问题,继续加油!
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-3-8 17:35:49 | 只看该作者
好的,这是我写了第二篇。
我看了官方范文和xdf老师的讲解
我发现,如果按照老师那样写,会有很多模板的套话,自己写的有用信息就很少
我始终觉得按xdf老师的套路,写出来不会很高?
6#
发表于 2012-3-8 17:37:44 | 只看该作者
支持一下
但是我觉得刚开始练习要是就自己写,也写不出啥来呢!
XDF给的模板刚开始算是对文章写法的熟悉应该还是比较给力的
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