【写作小分队】boboo弱弱的作文帖，大家多多拍砖哈O(∩_∩)O

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-21 20:02:26

3.4 就要去被虐了，作文却没怎么练过。
真心水平差很远，有问题大家就狠狠地拍砖哈！提前谢过啦~~~

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-21 21:53:25

2.21 tpo 6 综合：

The lecture mainly talks about the advantages of communal online encyclopedias. The reading passage is somewhat groundless and questionable when compared to the lecture in three aspects.

To begin with, the listening material pointed out that both the traditional and online encyclopedias maybe have some mistakes, since no one can avoid making mistakes. The traditional one is not as easy as the online one to be corrected these mistakes. So the errors on the traditional one are more likely to sustain, even for decades. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

What's more, contrary to the belief in reading passage that there are some protections for some entries so that everyone can only read them without the possibility to change them. And some people are working on these entries. Consequently, the entries could be reliable to use.

Last but not the least, the professor states the online encyclopedias include all the information not depending on some interests. It is decided by the users to find the useful part for them. However, the traditional one may focus on some interests. This is the final part where the reading passage is different from the lecture.

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-21 22:56:43

2.21 独立写成毛线了，自己都觉得不能忍。。。但头太晕了，先发上来吧

In the modern society, more and more people pursue money rather than gain public recognition. I quite disagree with this. From my perspective, people should work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Several reasons are listed below.

First of all, hard working makes you fulfill yourself. There is no doubt you would complete the task better so that you could get a plenty of praises from the leader and colleagues. From these praises, you can be happy and continue to work harder. Take is as an example, a graduate student Jim went to the countryside and taught the kids there. The whole school had just one teacher so the working is very hard. Without him, these kids cannot get education. People showed much more respect to him. He enjoyed teaching and the life there, though got a little salary.

On the other hand, gaining public recognition makes effort in making friends. From what you done, people can learn that you are an excellent guy. They communicate with each other and transfer the information. Therefore, you may become very popular within them.

Last but not the least, working harder doesn’t lead to spend more time or energy. It actually saves your time and energy. Higher efficiency always accompanies with hard working. You can accomplish the task before the deadline even a long time. The time saved you can do many other things. You are able to use the time to relieve the pressure from work. There is one problem. It seems that it will make you work more if the working time is unchangeable. However, your boss will find that and probably think you deserve a higher salary.

From these reasons above, we can safely conclude people should work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-2-21 23:29:42

“毛线” Hiahiahia~ 波波怎么那么可爱！

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-21 23:44:29

O(∩_∩)O，可真的是写成毛线了。。。睡觉去了，安安^_^

Aviva0307 · 发表于 2012-2-22 14:02:29

boboo的作文帖2.21 tpo 6 综合：

The lecture mainly talks（talks, points,states用一般现在时还是一般过去时，要通篇一致）about the advantages of communal online encyclopedias. The reading passage is somewhat groundless and questionablewhen compared to the lecture in three aspects. （综合写作只要客观陈述，不要以你的观点评价reading和lecture谁对谁错。修改建议：The reading passage is somewhat groundless and questionable in three aspects according to the lecture ）

To begin with, the listening material pointed out that both the traditional and online encyclopedias maybe have some mistakes, since no one can avoid making mistakes. The traditional one is not as easy as the online one to be corrected these mistakes. （Mistatkes of the traditional one are not so easy as that of the online one to be corrected）So the errors on the traditional one are more likely to sustain, even for decades. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

What's more, contrary to the belief in reading passage that there are some protections for some entries so that everyone can only read them without the possibility to change them. And some people are working on these entries. Consequently, the entries could be reliable to use.(我听到的要点是：reading说容易有人恶意篡改信息。listening说，可以设置read only text, 同时有专人审核修改得不对的信息)

Last but not the least, the professor states the online encyclopedias include all the information not depending on some interests. It is decided by the users to find the useful part for them. However, the traditional one may focus on some interests. This is the final part where the reading passage is different from the lecture. （reading说了什么，最好提一下~~）

noarkid · 发表于 2012-2-22 21:36:45

In the modern society, more and more people pursue money rather than gain public recognition. I quite disagree with this. From my perspective, people should work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Several reasons are listed below.(个人不大喜欢这个，因为感觉像是在凑字数)

First of all, hard working makes you fulfill yourself. There is no doubt you would complete the task better so that you could get a plenty of praises from the leader and colleagues.（实在觉得这句话很别扭，个人觉得可以这么表达：There is no doubt that the task you done will gain much more praises from the leaders and colleagues） From these praises, you can be happy and continue to work harder.(个人觉得can应该换成will；continue to 很别扭，建议改成more willing to work harder, 或者直接不要了) Take is as an example,（又觉得很别扭，为什么不直接用for instance 呢？） a graduated student Jim went to the （school in觉得后面一个the whole school 明显没有对应啊）countryside and taught the kids there. The whole school had just one teacher（这里是不是应该提一下这个one teacher 就是那个人，或者改成he is the only teacher in the school） so the working(work就行了) is very hard. Without him, these kids cannot get education.（the kids would left no teachers to teach them 可能更好，个人觉得就直接说没有教育太大了） (Thus) People showed much more respect to him. He enjoyed teaching and the life(living) there, though got a little salary. （这个little salary 和题目的no money 貌似有出入，不适合做例子）

On the other hand, gaining public recognition makes effort in making friends.(是要表达答能交朋友吗?后边写的是出名。。。这里看不懂) From what you （have）done, people can learn that you are an excellent guy. They communicate with each other and transfer the information.（很别扭，不知道怎么改） Therefore, you may become very popular within them.

Last but not the least, working harder doesn’t（does not necessarily） lead to spend more time or energy. It actually saves your time and energy. Higher efficiency always accompanies with hard working. You can accomplish the task before the deadline even a long time. The time saved（with the time saved貌似你是想说这个吧？） you can do many other things. You are able to use the time to relieve the pressure from work.（such as relax yourself when after hardworking ） There is one problem. It seems that it will make you work more if the working time is unchangeable. However, your boss will find that and probably think you deserve a higher salary. (我会这么表达： On the other hand, if you cannot change the working hours, the boss will no doubt improve your salary for the high profit you made)(总之，这段说理说得其实有一点没逻辑了，可能是你写的时候思路很乱)
From these reasons above, we can safely conclude people should work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.（为了凑字数，我会这么写，in conclusion, people should always work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no money given. You can not only fulfill yourself but also gain more friends（如果你能把这个理由扩充好一点的话））

我是第一次干这种事情，可能有的地方说地不好，见谅了，不过，话说我也是3.4托福，大家一起加油吧。。。

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-22 21:47:14

好细致啊~~~thx~~~一起加油~

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-23 08:31:45

2.22 综合 tpo 7

The lecture mainly talks about the advantages of wood companies' ecocertifying in America. The reading passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and has some shortcomings when compared to the lecture.

To begin with, contrary to the belief in the reading that customers will not pay attention to the ecocertification label and not trust the advertising claims, the listening hold the idea that customers can distinguish the advertisement with independent organizations. So they will trust the advertising.

On the other hand, the author says gaining ecocertification would make the product more expensive. The professor disagrees with that. He reckons if two products' cost are approximately the same, people will pay attention to their qualities, including whether it do harm for the environment.

Last but not the least, the professor points out that if American wood companies don't get certification, the import other countries' products having ecocertification maybe sell very well in America. So these American products will lose competition. This is the final part where the reading passage is different from the lecture.

boboo · 发表于 2012-2-23 08:32:38

2.22 独立

In contemporary society, more and more people make decision to live in cities. I quite agree with this since people live in cities can take better care of their families than those live in rural areas.

To begin with, people living in cities earn more than those living in rural areas, so they can spend more money on their families. More job opportunities are in cities. This means you can easily choose a suitable job with a not low salary. With these salaries, you are able to buy food, drink, and many other life’s necessities for your family. Thus, your family's living quality is improved a lot. However, those who live in rural areas always accompany a low salary, so they cannot afford plenty of expensive things.

On the other hand, living in cities means you can have a better chance to do some entertainment with your family. Better facilities are in cities. Maybe there is beautiful park near your home, so just go out with your family. For instance, my family all love films. We would like to see a film on weekends. After watching we talk, we discuss, we laugh, all of these can help us relax and relieve the pressure from work and study. But if we were in rural areas, it would be hard for us to go to a cinema.

Last but not the least, living in rural areas has many advantages, such as getting access to a better environment, but the poor transportation there sometimes cause much inconvenience.
And there is no high level hospital. If your family member catch an accident and need a surgery, you can easier and faster get them to hospital in cities than in rural areas. Sometimes time means life. And with the better transportation, you can go out with your family to travel and many other things.

From all these reasons, we can safely conclude people who live in cities can take better care of their families than people who live in rural areas, because of earning much, better education and convenient transportation.

【写作小分队】boboo弱弱的作文帖，大家多多拍砖哈O(∩_∩)O

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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