I3，challenge到底~望拍

大剑Jade · 发表于 2011-9-30 11:15:33

最近狂练challenge的作文，反正到时候就算没抽中challenge写作指导的作文，反证也是有用武之地的。值得一提的是，由于我issue的模板还没有整理出来，这篇构思模板用了挺长时间。只是，issue的模板确实不太容易统一。。

3. Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

It’s been a trend for most educational institutions to bear a responsibility to prevent students from taking vocations in the fields of study whose success is hard to achieve. Because of more and more people flooding into markets of jobs and realms of researches, the possibility of succeeding among a host of competitors keeps declining with the vicissitude of times. But considering the fact that success in itself is a ambiguous term varying in most categories, this issue seems narrowly limited, thereby making it not valid in many situations.
First off, a threshold problem remains to be solved before delving into this issue. How do educational institutions define success in certain fields of study? As is universally known, innovative studies could turn out to provide the multitude with unexpected experiences thought to be vagaries not long ago. In this case, not even greatest scientists could predict the outcomes as well as the consequences of this sort of researches, let alone educational institutions could. For example, Wikipedia came into being several years ago, introducing a new method of executing various jobs. Not a single person but its founder has thought of allowing its right of adjusting and revising to the public, therefore everyone would appear to be its employees, making efforts of checking terms. As a result, only one employee—in the traditional definition—exists in it receiving salaries monthly for his daily necessities. That’s surely a shocking idea to most minds, one that educational institutions could do nothing to incite or inhibit—if necessary—its formation.
From this point, however, one may counter the above reasoning that also in a great many situations common people would devise no such delicate ideas were educational institutions grudgingly offering their opinions about the one field of study. For instance, ordinary students should get sufficient information from their universities and colleges in case they taste the bitter swill of failures in the future for a lack of apprise of the field he throw himself into. Conceding that this could be applied to most students—whether graduated or not—one could prove to be innovative without being conspicuous of extraordinariness. In effect, one need not go to famous schools to aim at success, as a professor of Harvard once said: ‘there’s no model of success, due to diversity of individuals.’ In conclusion, it should remain suspicious for any educational institution to determine if a field of study will end in failure.
Moreover, every field of study could be a long way to go before accomplishing one’s goal, a way whose process would be laden with inevitable dangers and ordeals retarding one’s footsteps. This may well result from more competitions than ever before, due to increasing number of people in this world. Success might not be accessible to anyone spending all his life on researching, except those whose aim is not limited in success, but is looking forward to enjoying what matters most—interests. Admittedly, one could never seize the margin of success owing to different factors like luck, and so forth. Nonetheless, one may still find it worthwhile, given he has put all his heart into what he loves throughout all his live, albeit success ought to be out of consideration in this situation—no one deserves success inherently.
In retrospect, educational institutions might not be useful except for the function of informing students of the risks of participating in a field of study. Otherwise, students would have been confined to invent creative ideas propelling the world forward, had educational institutions insisted on thwarting their direction of endeavors. Only by grasping the gist of the extent to which educational institutions should guide students toward success, could they assist to galvanize the people to construct a thriving world.

622 words, 45min

ppguo · 发表于 2011-9-30 22:30:10

那我就使劲儿拍了啊

第二段是想说，如何来定义成功吗？但是第一段的内容一直是在讲，it is hard to predict something is going to be successful or not.
第三段开头：From this point, however, one may counter the above reasoning that also in a great many situations common people would devise no such delicate ideas were educational institutions grudgingly offering their opinions about the one field of study. 可是难句中的难句，我看了几遍都没有完全明白。
第三段你是不是想说，每个人成功的道路是不一样的。这一点没有被足够强调。
第三段最后一句：In conclusion, it should remain suspicious for any educational institution to determine if a field of study will end in failure. 不是推断一个行业是否会失败，而是一个人在他所选的行业里面是否会失败。

ppguo · 发表于 2011-9-30 22:31:30

我还想到一点。
成功所需要的因素很多，智商，情商，毅力，做事情的方法，等等。题目里面没有说明他们判断的标注是什么。

普渡哥 · 发表于 2011-9-30 22:42:18

ppguo真厉害！

普渡哥 · 发表于 2011-9-30 22:42:40

大剑同学这次真的被拍得不轻。。。

大剑Jade · 发表于 2011-9-30 23:07:07

第二段讲的是如何定义成功，感觉和第一段没有冲突吧，第一段说的是成功与否，但连具体什么是成功都不知道，还怎么能说是成功呢？第三段那个难句From this point, however, one may counter the above reasoning that also in a great many situations common people would devise no such delicate ideas were educational institutions grudgingly offering their opinions about the one field of study. 我写的时候觉得挺容易懂的了。。没想到还得改进，From this point, however, one may counter the above reasoning. He may claim that also in a great many situations common people would devise no such delicate ideas, were educational institutions grudgingly offering their opinions about the one's field of study. 这样写是不是就明显了呢？

大剑Jade · 发表于 2011-9-30 23:09:31

第三段想说的是，一些人可能认为普通人不可能都像精英一样拥有过人的创造力，因此需要教育机构的指点，驳斥了第二段我的观点，但没有驳斥倒，因为成功有不同的模式。结尾那句果然是写错了，多谢更正。。

大剑Jade · 发表于 2011-9-30 23:12:13

至于成功的因素那个，我想可以归到第二段对成功的定义中感谢来拍！

ppguo · 发表于 2011-9-30 23:12:26

第三段开头这么写好明白多了。
我还是觉得你的第二段其实没有在说如何定义成功。比如这句话“In this case, not even greatest scientists could predict the outcomes as well as the consequences of this sort of researches”. 意思是成功很难被predict.
wikki 的例子其实更适合去说明每个人成功的道路是不同的。

[作文] I3，challenge到底~望拍

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