看了一看，感觉文字能力还是可以，但觉得还是有一些问题要指出，毕竟托福还是要考一些结构，不能象些散文那样，所以这里分段做一些建议，请楼主看看是否合适
以下是引用woodedbend在2004-2-11 5:40:00的发言：
When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details
As we all know that there is no exact black and white in this world, the same rule also applies to the topic given above. My answer to this question is we need to keep our own customs, while we will also need to learn, follow others customs. At least, we need to respect their customs if we don’t agree with them.
开头段挺重要的，托福也还是有一些特定的要求，有关的作文书上也都有说明。象the topic given above千万还是不要用，因为考官只改作文，谁会去看题目。所以对第一段来说，首先是对题目的改写，也算表明你看懂了题目。中间表明观点，结尾可以罗嗦一下，说你下面就会来论述你的观点。
As we all know that there is no exact black and white in this world, the same rule also applies to the question whether we should follow the customs of the new country we move to, or not. My answer is we need to keep our own customs, while we will also need to learn, follow others customs. In the following discussion, I would like to present reasons and evidences to support my point of view.
As a Chinese student living in the United States right now, I have many personal experiences that I would like to share with you. Being cultivated and educated in China for 20 years, I am very grateful for what my county has done to me and I am prod to be a Chinese. Therefore, there is no doubt that I will keep my Chinese custom as I used to be. We celebrate our lunar Chinese New Years and Moon Festivals etc, in the United States as a way to thank Heaven (God in western society) for providing us the sheltering, food as well as all other living elements. It is a tradition that roots in our blood.
直接指出理由还是重要的，所以建议现陈述理由然后再展开。少用简称，象etc，注意单复数，和一些连接词。
On the one hand, we have to keep our own customs because it is a tradition that roots in our blood. As a Chinese student living in the United States right now, I have many personal experiences that I would like to share with you. Being cultivated and educated in China for 20 years, I am very grateful for what my county has done to me and I am prod to be a Chinese. Therefore, there is no doubt that I will keep my Chinese custom as I used to be. We celebrate our lunar Chinese New Years and Moon Festivals in the United States as a way to thank Heaven (God in western society) for providing us the sheltering, foods and all other living elements.
While I would like to keep my Chinese tradition, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I cannot learn and follow other country’s customs. There are so many good spirits that are located in foreign customs. Understanding these customs will help people from different backgrounds to understand each other better. I would like to give an example here. I also celebrate Thanksgiving after I came to the United States. If you know the story behind this holiday, you will appreciate What American Indians had done. It sets up a good example that people would like to follow: to treat people as the way to be treated, no matter where you come from.
中间段展开还可以。
On the other hand, it does not necessarily mean that I can not learn and follow other country’s customs. There are so many good spirits that are located in foreign customs. Understanding these customs will help people from different backgrounds to understand each other better. I would like to give an example here. I also celebrate Thanksgiving after I came to the United States. If you know the story behind this holiday, you will appreciate What American Indians had done. It sets up a good example that people would like to follow: to treat people as the way to be treated, no matter where you come from.
Finally, I can not deny that in some cases I do not agree with some foreign customs. Let me raise an example here. I eat pork and I cannot follow what Muslin’s rule in this case. However, I do respect their choice.
这个例子好像有点问题，个人觉得这个例子还是不要举，委婉的表述比较好。
Howerve, I can not deny that I am not used to some different customs in the new country. In some cases, those traditions seems strange to me. But I do respect their choice because I really hope local people will respect my culture and customs. So we can share the same air peacefully.
To summarize, people have to use their own judgments to decide what they need to follow. From my own experience, I think the best way is to keep your own customs and try to learn, to understand other countries’ customs as well. In this way, people all over the world will appreciate each other further and we will live as a whole to make our tomorrow better.
最后一段写的还可以，注意灵活的使用连词，避免口语化表述就好了。
To summarize, given all the disscution above, I think the best way is to keep the own customs and try to learn and to understand the new countries’ customs as well. In this way, people all over the world will appreciate each other and will live as a whole to make tomorrow better.
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发表于 2004-2-11 05:40:00
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