菜鸟菜鸟求批啊 4/20

shuirutiancan · 发表于 2013-4-12 23:23:06

Nowadays, our city keeps a rapid speech development that everything became more and more compact and intelligent but also everyone is so busy and their life besides retains a fast status at the same time. With the development of the great change in the modern city, many issues have come to the sight of people. Some of the modern citizens may think society is so fierce and have to spend most time to work or deal with business. But others have a negative attitude. They consider that the job life is always just a part of the modern social life. For those people, happiness not only contains career or job but also means life is relieved and enjoyable, just like have a pleasant dinner with family or watch a film with friends sometimes.  As far as I concerned, I think job life should take more effect on happiness than social life. There are numerous reasons to explain why I agree with the point and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.
To begin with, I will gain huge amount of money if I apply my mind to work and business. Of course, money maybe cannot stand for everything, but no one can do without it. Such as some people saying, when he travels with friends together, they feel happiness around. Nevertheless if you have not enough money, where is your happiness comes from?  Just like the old saying, when you are poor, you just have much time; when you are rich, you just have money only.  That is mainly reason why I approve of the statement. Probably work cannot give your happiness, but money can do so.
In addition, there is another factor that deserves some words here that during the work, we can learn more knowledge and achieve value of my life.  Every day, we have to face countless various problems and different opportunity. Because of those circumstances, we overcome our many disadvantages and see ourself clearly more and more. For example, last year, when I work as a waiter in a hotel.  I feel so shy and nervous in the beginning due to I want to finish my first job do well. However, I have to talk with diverse people such as popular movie star and reputed businessman everyday. Through problem which I must solve prefect from those guests, I feel so successful and happy and exciting. Job life brings meaningful happiness cause by success.
Last but not least, people can make new friends from the work places. You spend so much time at work, it means you also spend the same time with your colleagues. In aspect of work, colleagues help each other and easily to make friends.  Even you can meet your best friends which no one understands your mind than he. So job life also is the place where help each other and meet a friend.
To sum up, there is no suspect that social life can give us happiness, but our job can attain our dream and improve our life quality.

mr.ming · 发表于 2013-4-12 23:55:02

rapid speech？
应该是As far as I am concerned
For example, 你后面直接来了一个时间状语从句，但是主句呢？
Through problem which这具有点问题。应该是通过解决问题，你才feel successful吧？而不是问题让你happy successful...
其实还有其它语法问题，但是就不一一指出了。
对了，结尾尽量长一点吧。点出你的分论点。
good luck！

shuirutiancan · 发表于 2013-4-13 00:00:18

mr.ming 发表于 2013-4-12 23:55
rapid speech？
应该是As far as I am concerned
For example, 你后面直接来了一个时间状语从句，但是主句 ...

谢谢啊，敲字有时候敲错了，然后结尾吧，是太晚了所以草草结了个尾，至于那个through problem，呃呃呃，但是想这个点的时候就觉得不对劲，现在知道了

shuirutiancan · 发表于 2013-4-13 00:01:11

这是第二篇通过旅行交朋友，求批啊

Everyone has friends and friends are our wealth of a lifetime. Friends care about you in many ways, such as your emotions and issues with your body. But the way to make friends is different for everyone. Maybe you meet your new friend by joining a team or club. Probably you make your friend in a community activity. There are a lot of chances and possibilities. As far me, I prefer to make friends when I travel. There are numerous reasons why I say this and I would like to explore a few of the most important ones here.
To begin with, the main reason why I like to travel to make friends is that I can meet many tourists as possible which make meeting a new friend more probable. A recent study indicates that during a trip we will meet at least a thousand people while on a train. And almost every passenger wants to talk with other passengers, even if some people are shy in general. Sharing experiences is a very good way to start the talking, and then talking about other things, like interests or hometown. This way, we can get to know people and have the honour of their friendship. Also, if someone helps us, we will have a good impression of that person and naturally start talking to him.
In addition, we can also make friends with local people when we have arrived at our destination. For example, I like travel to other countries and cities. So I have a large number of friends from various places. And when I travel to those cities, my local friends will explain the native culture and customs. It can help me to understand their culture, customs, history and many other interesting aspects of a diverse city. The deeper insight into the culture will not only broaden my horizons but also help me comprehend the lifestyle and mindset of the local people. Of course, I do so for my friends.
Another reason why I agree with the statement is that I believe that even though we cannot always make new friends from those strangers, a good holiday and pleasant trip can also help us to acquire knowledge and expand our mind. We are students have more free time than others. If we just stay at home, we will waste our teenage years. Just like the old saying " You cannot realize the truth unless you experience by yourself"
To conclude, if you want to meet numerous people, make diverse friends and enjoy a wonderful vacation, you should choose to have a holiday and a real trip. Maybe you will meet your best lifelong friends or your spouse.

mr.ming · 发表于 2013-4-13 08:03:34

shuirutiancan 发表于 2013-4-13 00:00
谢谢啊，敲字有时候敲错了，然后结尾吧，是太晚了所以草草结了个尾，至于那个through problem，呃呃呃， ...

写完记得检查一遍。

菜鸟菜鸟求批啊 4/20

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菜鸟菜鸟求批啊 4/20