我的托福iBT第一篇作文，写完了以后实在不知道方向如何，大家帮忙看看吧`

谢谢大家了，写完了第一篇作文以后实在觉得怪怪的，但是不知道应该从哪个方向去改，希望CD上共战托福的兄弟姐妹们提提意见，大家共同提高吧^^

ps 祝大家新年快乐！

题目是：Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

我的作文是：

Advertisement is definitely a double-edged sword, due to the fact that some people hold the opinion advertisements encourage us to buy things we really do not need, whereas others argue that they purely tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Though these two opinions are respectively supported by strong evidence, I prone to accept the later one, that is, we benefit a lot from the advertisements.

There are numerous reasons why advertisements give us great help in daily lives, and I will explain a few of the most important ones. The primary reason is that advertisements keep people informed of the information of the new production in the market, which can be given an obvious example as illustration. As everyone knows, cell-phones are developing in a rapid speed much beyond our imagination currently, with new types of products created one after another, equipped with more advanced functions. If one wants to buy a cell-phone in vogue, which can do a plenty of things at the same time, such as surfing the internet and get stock information, for business, scarcely can s/he find a more convenient way to get the information about what is in fashion other than searching for the advertisements section of the newspaper to get it. Obviously, advertisements are indispensable in our modern and fast developing world.

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of advertisements really make our lives better is that they can provide information of almost all kinds of things in our family lives. Take different women's needs as an example. Among various kinds of merchandises in the market, housewives may pay more attention to the household commodities, such as microwave ovens on sale or cheapened yet delicious food. However, as a young lady trying to keep in style and make herself more attractive, the products that really interest her may be some fashionable shoes or makeup. Since different people need different things, it is advertisements that provide information about almost all kinds of productions that satisfy people in different needs. So one cannot deny advertisements offer us great convenience.

Since I have mentioned above that advertisement is a double-edged sword, I do admit that advertisements sometimes exaggerate the advantages of some products and make them seem better than they actually do, which occasionally motivates people to buy something out of their plan. But what I want to emphasize is that the consumers themselves should always play the leading role in the determinant of what to buy, and how ridiculous and even dangerous it would be if they are strongly affected by the advertisements. In order to sell their products, companies do not have other ways but make their advertisement appear charming and appealing, but as consumers, we should make wise judgment about what we should buy according to our needs, which is to say, we ought to learn to be smart and rational consumers, who can resist the temptation of glamorous advertisements. In this way, not only we can benefit a lot from the advertisements, but also the advertisements can fully perform their functions.

From what has been discussed above, it is easy to draw the conclusion that advertisements really help decorate our everyday lives. Thought the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements will obviously spark a long-lasting and vigorous controversy, the attention paid by the public is absolutely going to contribute to improvement of the advertisements, which further contribute to the improvement of our lives.

There are numerous reasons why advertisements give us great help in daily lives, and I will explain a few of the most important ones. The primary reason is that advertisements keep people informed of the information of the new production in the market, which can be given an obvious example as illustration. As everyone knows, cell-phones are developing in a rapid speed much beyond our imagination currently, with new types of products created one after another, equipped with more advanced functions.(shorter, too much BS!) If one wants to buy a cell-phone in vogue, which can do a plenty of things at the same time, such as surfing the internet and get stock information, for business, scarcely can s/he find a more convenient way to get the information about what is in fashion other than searching for the advertisements section of the newspaper to get it. Obviously, advertisements are indispensable in our modern and fast developing world.

Another ( first?)reason why I advocate the attitude of advertisements really make our lives better is that they can provide information of almost all kinds of things in our family lives(delete it). Takeing different women's needs as an example(where is the verb?). Among various kinds of merchandises in the market, housewives may pay more attention to the household commodities, such as microwave ovens on sale or cheapened yet delicious food. However, as a young lady trying to keep in style and make herself more attractive, the products that really interest her may be some fashionable shoes or makeup. Since different people need different things, it is advertisements that provide information about almost all kinds of productions that satisfy people in different needs. So one cannot deny advertisements offer us great convenience.

Since I have mentioned above that advertisement is a double-edged sword, I do admit that advertisements sometimes exaggerate the advantages of some products and make them seem better than they actually do, which occasionally motivates people to buy something out of their plan. But what I want to emphasize is that the consumers themselves should always play the leading role in the determinant of what to buy, and how ridiculous and even dangerous it would be if they are strongly affected by the advertisements. In order to sell their products, companies do not have other ways but make their advertisement appear charming and appealing, but as consumers, we should make wise judgment about what we should buy according to our needs, which is to say, we ought to learn to be smart and rational consumers, who can resist the temptation of glamorous advertisements. In this way, not only we can benefit a lot from the advertisements, but also the advertisements can fully perform their functions.

From what has been discussed above, it is easy to draw the conclusion that advertisements really help decorate our everyday lives. Thought the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements will obviously spark a long-lasting and vigorous controversy, the attention paid by the public is absolutely going to contribute to improvement of the advertisements, which further contribute to the improvement of our lives.

Too many grammar mistakes,  I strongly recommend you to proofread in the word!