在德克的指导下一步步提高 (第三篇 论述型文章：请德克批评指正)

70. Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

（30分钟计时写作）

Automobile is one of the most important inventions in history. It changes people's way of life. Though car may has caused several problems, I believe it has contributed to the improvement of modern life.

Cars enable people to travel a long distance more conveniently. If there is no car, people can only attend school or go to work on foot. They will not be able to live far from city. If there is no school near their home, children may not have the chance to study. If every people have to live really close to their office. The downtown will get quite crowed or the workers will have to spend a long time on the way. Cars improve not only people's working condition but also their leisure time. During weekends and holidays, car owners will be able to drive their family to a near by city and have a good time together. Though there are traffic jams sometimes, the problem can be avoided by road system reconstruction.

Automobiles make new business model. A lot of goods are now transported by truck. If there is no truck, people may not be able to enjoy fresh fruit and vegetable or they have to pay very high price. Short and middle distance truck transportation is not only convenient but also cost effective.

Automobile itself is a growing industry and a remarkable part of the morden development. There are so many automobile companies around the world. Those companies offer a large number of working chances. Car making is also a kind of art. Have you ever been to any automobile show? have you ever seen any famous & classic design? Have you ever been to an F1 event? All those automobile related activities are fantastic and exciting.

Some people may argue that growing use of automobiles caused serious problems such as air pollution. I agree. But compare with the benefit it brings, car is absolutely a positive factor. Now more and more people have noticed the car related problems and they are working hard to change the situation. For example, clean fuel car is invented.

In conclusion, I believe there is always a way to deal with the trouble. We should take automobile as one of the things that improved our life most.

感谢指点，感谢指导下我该如何提高。

坐等大牛。

还在等阿等阿

70. Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

（30分钟计时写作）

Automobile is one of the most important inventions in history. It haschanged people's way of life. Though car may has caused(以后要用cause的时候统统用trigger替换) several problems, I believe it has contributed a great deal to the improvement of modern life.

(For one thing每段最好有这样的标志词), Cars enable people to travel a long distance more conveniently. If there was no car, people could only attend school or go to work on foot. They will not be able to live far from city(这个句子表意不地道.be able to这个短语最好小心使用,不然容易产生误解.你最好写:Consequently, they are forced by the conditions to live near where they work.). And if there is no school near their home, children may not have the chance to study(这个理由过于的牵强.如果家附近没有学校,难道不可以住读吗?这样牵强的理由完全没有说服力,反而让看的人不爽,所以最好把这个删了). If every people have to live really close to their office, The downtown will get quite crowed or the workers will have to spend a long time on the way(过于牵强). Cars improve not only people's working condition but also their leisure time(Not only can cars improve people’s living and working condition, but also increase/lengthen their leisure time.). During weekends and holidays, car owners will be able to drive their family to a nearby city and have a good time together. It is true that there are traffic jams sometimes(occasionally更好), but this problem can be avoided by road system reconstruction.

Automobiles make new business model. A lot of goods are now transported by trucks. If there is no truck, people may not be able to enjoy fresh fruit and vegetable or they have to pay very high price. Short and middle distance truck transportation is not only convenient but also cost effective.(我不建议用太多的if,因为有的时候用if应该接虚拟语气,所以,if比较难掌握.我建议你最好说汽车是如何带来好处,而不是假设没有汽车会怎么样:因为你的假设都很牵强,人家很容易就可以驳倒你的论述.)

Automobile itself is a growing industry and a remarkable part of the morden development(我不清楚你要表达的意思). There are so many automobile companies around the world. Those companies offer a large number of working chances(employee opportunities). Car making is also a kind of art. Have you ever been to any automobile show? have you ever seen any famous & classic design? Have you ever been to an F1 event? All those automobile related activities are fantastic and exciting.(该段的前半段和后半段没有必然的联系.而且在后半段你也没有结合improve modern life来说)

Some people may argue that growing use of automobiles caused serious problems such as air pollution. I agree. But compared with the benefit it brings, car is absolutely a positive factor(你的表达总是给人一种说不出的别扭). Now more and more people have notice the car related problems and they are working hard to change the situation. For example, clean fuel car is invented.

In conclusion, I believe there is always a way to deal with the trouble. We should take automobile as one of the things that improved our life most.

我觉得你最大的问题就是:语言的表达能力不强.论述得过于牵强.

解决方案:

1.     多读点东西,比如NCE3&4和Newsweek, USNEWS

2.     论述的话,不到不得以,最好还是用正面论述,不要反过来.

3.     理由切忌不可以牵强,如果你觉得字数不够,就添加实例,一篇文章最好有一个具体的实例.

4.我希望你多看看我的修改和写作的帖子.从你的作文中,我看不到任何我帖子和修改中的东西.

受益匪浅

谢谢德克

也看过你写的帖子修改的东西

但是我确实做不到那样去写东西。。。有点迷茫

在短时间内，手忙脚乱，有点不知道该怎么组织自己的语言。

。。。。。。

其实很多句子写出来我自己看着都别扭，但是我却写不出来。。。至少在规定时间内做不到。。。郁闷阿

15.   Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

People are social animals. Everyone has a family, friends and most likely, neighbors. There is a famous Chinese saying: "Neighbors are half kin." So it is lucky to live with a good neighbor. What makes a good neighbor? One of the most important qualities of a good neighbor is warm-hearted. I conclude this through my own experience.

Last year, my parents and I planned to go to Hai Nan for winter holiday. From November to December, we dreamed nearly every day about the warm sunshine on the white beach. We thought we could also take our dog, Lily with us. This naive idea almost killed our perfect plan. Dog was not allowed to be taken on the plane. We were thinking about to send Lily to our friends, but Lily could only sleep in its own little "house" in our garden.  We had to ask Lee, our neighbor, to look after Lily for two weeks. We knew it was not an easy job. Mr. Lee could think about more than 1000 reasons to refuse us. To our surprise, he accepted Lily without out any complains. He said: “Go and have a nice trip. I have been to Ha Nan twice. It is a great island. You know, by the way, Lily is cute!” It is so lucky to live next to a nice, warm-hearted gentleman as Mr. Lee. Thanks for his help; we had a wonderful time in Hai Nan. We brought Mr. Lee a full box of fruit to express our appreciation.  

Another important quality is the "class" of the neighbor. It sounds negative to class people according to their wealth, education back ground or job, but I believe they are all important factors, which will affect the neighbor’s preference and behavior. I want to live with people who share the same value set with me. I prefer a clean and tidy living environment, so I do not leave trash out side trash boxes. I prefer a beautiful and comfortable place with flowers and trees, so I do not step on the grass. I want a quiet sleep every night, so when I can not reach home early, I will try my best to avoid making any noise. I want all my neighbors protect and care for the living condition as I do.

Warm-hearted people who have a lot in common with me are the kind of ideal neighbor for me.

麻烦德克老师指点：可有进步吗？我努力的方向对头吗？这样的文章大概在怎么样的水平呢？

谢谢指点。

谢谢指点。

谢谢指点。

People are social animals(这个开头猛.我觉得还是不要直接说人是animal的好,你可以说we are socialized.). Everyone has a family(似乎everyone来的绝对了点,你可以说most of us have our own families.), friends and most likely, neighbors(很好很好,我特别喜欢你这个most likely,很有感觉.过渡得不错,流利自然.). There is a famous Chinese saying: "Neighbors are half kin."(这样写:’Neighbors are half kin’, goes a famous Chinese saying.) So it is lucky to live with a good neighbor. Then(这样的连接词是很有必要的) what makes a good neighbor? One of the most important qualities of a good neighbor is warm-hearted. I conclude this through my own experience(不错,一看这句话就知道是实例支持型作文.当然,普通的论述格式你还是需要掌握的.如果例子比较好,我支持这样写).

非常非常感谢德克老师的指点

我还有一个月时间考试 是不是我这样练习下去就满有希望的？

或者有什么方面我还需要进一步注意的？

多谢多谢，辛苦了。

帮顶！LZ进步很快了啊...

我的帖子还在等着德克光顾呢...

一起加油！

现在这么练习下去 考试的时候有希望达到多少分呢 ？

请老师一定指点一下哦。