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刚写7.21的作文求板砖狠狠砸,(新增两篇由老外改过的例子,希望大家参考指点)

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楼主
发表于 2007-7-22 21:53:00 | 只看该作者

刚写7.21的作文求板砖狠狠砸,(新增两篇由老外改过的例子,希望大家参考指点)

  如题,我太懒了,到现在还没好好写几篇,求大家指导,thanks

  

1

DO you agree or disagree with following statements,
   
as modern world become more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

 

 

 

 

  I do strongly support the idea that young people might have the ability to plan and organize, for reason is modern society become more and more complex. There are plenty of instances in our daily life that can verify this.

   A very famous book named The world is flattold us a idea that all of us are in globalization world. In the book, there is an excellent example, a large number of jobs which were belong to  American are replacing via Indian and Chinese now, such as accountant, computer engineer, soft engineer and other worker. Currently, Economy is globalization, trade is globalization, person is globalization, so the world become more complex than before. For instance, not only my brother worked company do business in internal, but also it has expand business in international. Multinational company has require the young people who want to working in it might have wonderful ability of English. So young people who want to have a superb career, he might master English very well. In one word, if young people want to have outstanding level of English, he might plan and organize to practice long before for his development in future..

  Another popular saying also proved word becoming complex. The saying is that we are in information age. Tremendous new information and new products are coming out in every second. Date back 1980 only a few people know what is computer. In the same way, date to 1990, only a few people know what is internet. Currently, computer with internet are a vital part of our life. We study via it, we work via it, we entertain via it either. Suppose young people do not have a plan to think about and organize about future, we might be drop behind other people in complex world.    

  So, based on above discussion, I agree with opinion that young people might project and organize in future for a world becoming complex.     

 2

Normally, newspaper and television are the two basic ways in which people to get information. Some people like them both. Others enjoy newspaper and still other prefer television. As far as I am concerned, I vote for the latter. There are no less than three merits in television as rendered.  

There is an obvious advantage for television, that is from television, we can get events or some information in live or what was took place in a moment. But newspaper can’t bring us this advantage. Some events take place on today, we just see it from tomorrow newspaper. When I was in secondary school, I had watched the events of 9.11that a terrorist made tragedy on television live report. And I also know, for television live report, many people escape from the mischance. A lot of help and support came from the whole America and all over the world at once. For another example, some useful currently information we gain unique via television. Such as, the flight which we may take on was canceled for a sudden rain.

Another apparent benefit is suppose I want to know an event or phenomenon totally and definitely, television is a superb option. Newspaper made us know it only via words and some pictures, it limited us to think about it. Television express it in vividly and visual way, it show when and where this event took place , who was involved in it , why this event happen. Maybe a television program give us a exactly idea.

 Of course, choosing television also has advantage to some extent,assume you have missed an issue of newspaper on one day, so you have no opportunity to buy it on another day again. But television show has an advantage of rebroadcast. To illustration, although I has missed a teleplay, I can watch rebroadcast later or on another channel sometime either.

 To sum up, television has these merits superior than newspaper. So my idea is that most people might be chose television to gain information.       

 改过的在7楼

 2

Normally, newspaper and television are the two basic ways in which people to get information. Some people like them both. Others enjoy newspaper and still other prefer television. As far as I am concerned, I vote for the latter. There are no less than three merits in television as rendered.  

There is an obvious advantage for television, that is from television, we can get events or some information in live or what was took place in a moment. But newspaper can’t bring us this advantage. Some events take place on today, we just see it from tomorrow newspaper. When I was in secondary school, I had watched the events of 9.11that a terrorist made tragedy on television live report. And I also know, for television live report, many people escape from the mischance. A lot of help and support came from the whole America and all over the world at once. For another example, some useful currently information we gain unique via television. Such as, the flight which we may take on was canceled for a sudden rain.

Another apparent benefit is suppose I want to know an event or phenomenon totally and definitely, television is a superb option. Newspaper made us know it only via words and some pictures, it limited us to think about it. Television express it in vividly and visual way, it show when and where this event took place , who was involved in it , why this event happen. Maybe a television program give us a exactly idea.

 Of course, choosing television also has advantage to some extent,assume you have missed an issue of newspaper on one day, so you have no opportunity to buy it on another day again. But television show has an advantage of rebroadcast. To illustration, although I has missed a teleplay, I can watch rebroadcast later or on another channel sometime either.

 To sum up, television has these merits superior than newspaper. So my idea is that most people might be chose television to gain information.       

 改过的在7楼

 


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-25 20:16:56编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-7-22 23:23:00 | 只看该作者

楼主的重点是世界变得越来越复杂,但窃以为应该多论述一些计划和组织能力的重要性吧。世界复杂只是一个前提背景。比方说复杂的生活在,拥有这样能力的人能够在事业上取得成功;在生活中有条不紊……虽然这样有些老套。

另外,有笔误哦。

加油!!

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-23 07:37:00 | 只看该作者

up

地板
发表于 2007-7-23 23:06:00 | 只看该作者

1.信息社会提供给了我们大量的信息,要成功就要懂得怎样从其中提取有用的以供作计划

2.快速的各个领域发展使得一切很难控制,所以要学会做计划以不变应万变.

3.复杂的人际关系使得carry out project more complicated, thus master the skill of planning and organize can help you avoid sinking into time-wasting and unnecessary communication.

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-24 09:01:00 | 只看该作者
楼上的point很不错,感谢两位
6#
发表于 2007-7-24 12:00:00 | 只看该作者

LZ,吹毛求疵,给你挑些语法上的错误。

-----------------------------------

 I do strongly support the idea that young people might have the ability to plan and organize, for reason is modern society become (becomes) more and more complex. There are plenty of instances in our daily life that can verify this. (for 是prep. 不能引导从句,for reason is 可以改为since the modern society becomes .....或者改为for the reason that the modern society becomes......)

   A very famous book named The world is flattold us a (an) idea that all of us are in (a, 后面的名词world是可数名词,应该加冠词)  globalization world. In the book, there is an excellent example, a large number of jobs which were (were需要删掉,belong to 不能用被动形式)belong to  American are replacing via Indian and Chinese now, such as accountant, computer engineer, soft engineer and other worker (lz这句话问题比较大。主语是a large number of jobs,但是后面写成了被人所取代,而且给的例子也是人而不是工作,建议改成 A large number of jobs which were engaged by Americans are taken over by Indian and Chinese now, such as accouting and computer engineering). Currently, Economy is globalization (globalized), trade is globalization, person is globalization, so the world become (becomes) more complex than before. For instance, not only my brother worked company do business in internal (应该改成do business domestically, internal 是形容词,不能说in internal), but also it has expand (expanded) business in international (in international 应该改成internationally). Multinational company has require (required) the young people who want to working (work) in it might (might可以删去,因为require加宾语从句从句中的情态动词可以省略,而且如果要用情态动词的话应该用should) have wonderful ability of English. So young people who want to have a superb career, he (he应该删掉,这个主句的主语就是开头的young people,加上he是多加了一个主语) might master English very well. In one word, if young people want to have (an) outstanding level of English, he might plan and organize to practice long before for his development in future..

  Another popular saying also proved word becoming complex. The saying is that we are in information age. Tremendous new information and new products are coming out in every second. Date back 1980 (dating back to 1980) only a few people know (knew,1980应该是过去时态) what is computer (what was a computer). In the same way, date to 1990 (dating back to 1990), only a few people know what is internet (时态). Currently, computer with (and? ) internet are a vital part of our life. We study via it, we work via it, we entertain via it either. Suppose young people do not have a plan to think about and organize about future, we might be drop behind other people in complex world.    
    

  So, based on above discussion, I agree with opinion that young people might project and organize in future for a world becoming complex.    

------------------------------

lz 要注意动词和主语单复数的一致性和动词的时态,使用从句的时候注意主语和动词的一致性。


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-24 12:01:51编辑过]
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-25 09:09:00 | 只看该作者

1

 Normally, newspaper and television are the two basic ways in which people to get information. Some people like them both. Others enjoy newspaper and still other prefer television. As far as I am concerned, I vote for the latter. There are no less than three merits in television as rendered.  

 Normally, newspaper and television are the two basic ways in which people to get information. Some people like them both. Others enjoy newspaper and still other prefer television. As far as I am concerned, I vote for the latter. There are no less than three merits in television as rendered.  

 Normally, newspaper and television are the two basic ways in which people to get information. Some people like them both. Others enjoy newspaper and still other prefer television. As far as I am concerned, I vote for the latter. There are no less than three merits in television as rendered.  

There is an obvious advantage for television. That is from television, we can learn about events or some information in live or what was took place in a moment. But newspaper can’t bring us this advantage. Some events take place today. We can only read it from tomorrow’s newspaper. When I was in high school, I watched on television live broadcast the events of 9.11 which terrorists caused many tragedies. And I also know, from television live broadcast, many people escaped from the mischance. A lot of help and support came from the whole America and all over the world at once. For another example, some useful current information we may gain via cable television. Such as, the flight which we were going to take is canceled for a sudden rain.

Another apparent benefit is the following. Suppose that I want to know about an event or phenomenon (totally and definitely?), television is a superb option. Newspaper can only show us via words and some pictures, it limits us to think about it. Television expresses it in vividly and visual way, it shows when and where this event took place, who was involved in it, and why this event happened. Maybe a television program can give us an exactly idea.

Of course, choosing television also has advantage to some extent; assume you have missed an issue of newspaper one day, so you have no opportunity to buy it on another day again. But television show has an advantage of rebroadcast. To illustration, although I have missed a teleplay, I can watch the rebroadcast later or on another channel.
   

To sum it up, television has these merits superior than newspaper. So my idea is that most people might choose television to gain information. 

 

2

 

DO you agree or disagree with following statements, as modern world become more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

 

I do strongly support the idea that it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. For example, as the modern society become more and more complex, there are plenty of instances in our daily life that can verify this.

       A very famous book called “The world is flat” showed us an idea that all of us are in a globalization world. In the book, there is an excellent example, a large number of jobs which were belong to American are being replaced by Indians and Chinese now, such as accountant, computer engineer, soft engineer and other jobs. Currently, economy is globalization, trade is globalization, and people are globalization, so the world becomes more complex than before. For instance, not only an increasing number of company do business in internal, but also they have expanded their business to international. So young people must have to have extra skills, such as master English very well if they want a superb career. Multinational companies require that young people who want to work in it have wonderful ability of English. In one word, if young people want to have an outstanding level of English, he might want to practice planning and organizing his development in future.

Another popular saying also proves the world becoming complex. The saying is that we are in the information age. Tremendous new information and new products are coming out every second. Date back 1980 only a few people know what is a computer. In the same way, date to 1990, only a few people know what the internet is. Currently, computer with internet are a vital part of our life. We study via it, we work via it, and we entertain via it too. Suppose young people do not have a plan to think about and organize in the future, we might drop behind other races in complex world.    

So, based on above discussion, I agree with opinion that young people should plan and organize in future for the world is becoming a complex place.


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-25 9:21:39编辑过]
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-25 20:02:00 | 只看该作者
up
9#
发表于 2007-7-27 23:15:00 | 只看该作者

楼主第一篇作文感觉跑题了,应该写年轻人的组织计划能力而不是重点论述世界的复杂啊。

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