自己写的第一篇AI，请NN指教

参考XDJM们的模板，写的第一篇AI， 请各位点评，自己对一些疑点做了点评，希望各位NN多多指教

题目：

There is only one definition of success-to be able to spend your life in your own way

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this definition of success? Support your position by using reasons and examples from your reading, your own experience, or your observation of others.

The issue of how to define success is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different view due to their respective angles. On the one hand, as is well-known, most people correlate success with achievements, the more achievements one gets, the more successful he is. On the other hand, others eagerly insist that the only one definition of success for someone is whether he is able to spend his life in his own way(好像有点冗余啊). We don't have to look very far to see the valid standpoint of this matter(好像是废话，而且冗余). As far as I am concerned, I maintain that the latter one is too limited to be acceptable.

  In the first place, the most important reason that can be presented to develop my position is that the latter definition of success repudiates some of our intuitions of success. According to the definition in the latter one, most people would be viewed as failures. As we all know, everyone lives in society, which is a fabric of various relations, such as family relations, economic relations, political relations and etc. People, constrained by these relations, sometimes have to do something that is not in their own way. For example, Bill Gate, the richest man of the world, who had strongly oppose to open the source code of his windows operating system, had to reveal part of the source code to EU for entering the EU market. Can we define Bill Gates a failure? Obviously not!

In addition, the latter one misleads that the definition of success is a personal thing. However, whether one is successful is defined not only by oneself but also by other people. For example, a crazy man, who can do all kinks of strange actions in his own way, maybe think himself as the most successful man of the word. But other people will not admit to his “success” but just show him sympathy. Thus the definition of success is highly sociable.

Admittedly, there is no denying that to be able to spend one’s life in one's own way can help one to make success in some conditions. As we know, artists usually want to create their products in their own way, if some factors constrain their free wills, they usually can't create great arts. However, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to the assertion that the only definition of success is to be able to spend one's life in one's own way.

In sum, the latter definition of success is far too limited to be acceptable because it not only mistakes most people for failures but also misleads the real meaning of success. However, the former one which does not commit such fallacies is easy to be accepted by most people.