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Today I heard of that we could see the outcome of the evaluation from our manager, I don't have the barve to check it.
Cause I know that, if my result is bad, I will get upset and feel a huge failure. My all evaluation is caculated by one manager whom I like and admire a lot, then I can accume that he doen't like me or at least he doesn't agree with my work. Then I will doubot myseld more, will thougt my personailty capacity is low. I know all this comes from the year before last year's delay. Since then, I always feel I'm lower than my colleagues and lost a lof of confidence.
I know that I'm trying yo hide my shorty, I thought if I don't face it, then the problem didnt exitant, I'm cheating on myself I know that, But I still don't want to check the result.I don't know how to face it if it's bad,I don't know if I could handle the disappointing result.I also will fell embrassed of myself.
I leave a meessage to my threpist, I did this action in order to let her convince me or find out what's wrong with me or anylise how to untripped from the last failure.I don't know what she will say,if she say anything,i will talk with her about my this problem with her during our next seesion.
That's all for today.Goodnight.
今天听说公司绩效考核散点图出来了，我却不敢查看。
因为我知道我所有的考核都是同一位经理评价的，如果结果不尽如意的话，我会不开心，将会继续怀疑自己的能力，而且可以推测出其实这位经理并不喜欢我，或者至少不认可我的工作。
我知道我现在的害怕源于2年前的delay，从那以后很害怕查看绩效考核，打听别人的工资水平，当注会成绩出来后也害怕查询，以前的失败让自己产生了害怕的感觉。但是很久以前当我上学的时候自己并不是这个样子的，那个时候成绩好，自从工作以后，比自己强的人越来越多，我总是去掩盖自己的缺点，不敢正视自己的落后，试图不去面对，以为不知道结果或者不知道事实那么令人悲伤的局面就是不存在的。
但是我还是不敢查询。我不知道如何该去面对不尽人意的结果，我也不知道如果是不好的结果，这个打击会对我有什么样的影响。我可能太渴望是个好结果了。
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京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号
发表于 2018-7-26 23:10:34
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