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TWE023 (请诸位评论一下)-Zeros修改标题,见谅

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楼主
发表于 2005-8-18 10:11:00 | 只看该作者

TWE023 (请诸位评论一下)-Zeros修改标题,见谅

Topic:


in some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still sudents. Do you think this is a good idea?


support your opinion by using specific resons and details.



During the industrial revolution, many teenagers worked at factories in order to provide enough money for their family. At that time, they are treat almost like slaves working day and night. However, nowadays, the working condition have improved, with all the government laws that protect teenagers, it is safe for them to work.



The most important benefit for teenagers to work is the extra spending money they get. As a teenager myself, I want a lot of stuff that my parents can't buy for me. With the money I earned from work, I don't have to keep begging my parents anymore.



From work, teenagers can also gain lots of life experience. Today's society is a highly competitive one. It is crucial for teenager to be prepared. From finding a job to working for that position, it is the same as what they will be experience later on in their life. As a result of this process, the teenager who has worked before will have a big advantage than the one's who have not worked.



In addition, they will also learn how to use their money wisely. With lots of people having debts problem, learn how to manage your money in an early stage will be certainly very beneficial. You will be able to encounter the problems and find the solution, so when you grow up you will not be facing these problems.



So, it is very clear that teenagers can be benifit from having a job while they are still students.



沙发
发表于 2005-8-18 13:40:00 | 只看该作者
句子很多不地道。建议先随便找个成熟的模版写1,2篇,不求创新,再一遍练阅读一遍挑出里面的好句子修改那个用了一定会死的很惨的成熟模版。提高很快的哦!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-8-20 02:47:00 | 只看该作者

question

What score do you think I would get then?

地板
发表于 2005-8-24 15:52:00 | 只看该作者

看了你的文章,非常同意hncsxj的意见,你先改了之后,贴上来,不要管现在你拿多少分,重要的是你修改出来有一定套路的作文大家看着是不是像好作文.分数是ETS的事情了,我们现在要管的是结构,句式,语法不要有什么大的错误,是否通顺


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