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twe025 pls score

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楼主
发表于 2005-7-14 11:53:00 | 只看该作者

twe025 pls score

A friend of mine is moving to my city, so I have been considering what she like or dislike. In my opinion, my city is suitable for living, though there are some demerits. In the article, I will detail my viewpoint.




First, the exitement of the large city could attract her, especially a young woman. There are lots of exciting things to do. She has to adapt to a variety of situations. There are museums, galleries and movie theaters. If she is a gourmet, she has chances to taste a wild assortment of food of the world in the city.



Secondly, in my city, there are many job offers available for different professionals. I am sure that she can readily get a decent job; and if she could  work for her company five years of consecution, she will acquire full-scale welfares for a lift-time. These measures are popular in my city. Accordingly, this city doesn't lack funds but persons with ability.



Last, there are kinds of conveniences for living. On the one hand, the transports can carry her to all corners of the city; regarding travelers' comfort, schedules and space of commuting vehicles  have been deliberately settled and designed. On the other hand, there are convenience stores and shopping malls all over the city, which supply commodities of cheap prices to the city's dwellers.  On the third hand, if she is a sports woman, she will love here because of sports facilities and fitness centers seen everywhere; the prices of their permissions are rather reasonable.



In addition, admittedly, security is a problem of my city, but it is not that serious. Therefore, if she doesn't mind keeping cautions sometimes, this place, my city, is suitable for her very much.


[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-19 6:33:02编辑过]
沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2005-7-15 01:46:00 | 只看该作者
Help, pls give the essay an evaluation.
板凳
发表于 2005-7-17 20:25:00 | 只看该作者

结构还可以,但具体分数请其他有经验的斑竹给评.楼主要耐心,这段时间TWE斑竹忙且上网不方便.

地板
发表于 2005-7-19 03:50:00 | 只看该作者
我不知道你可以得多少分但我可以给你点建议.你最好来个CONCLOSION,你的结尾不好,你现在的结尾段可以再多写点另外成一个让步段,然后再加个结尾.那样的话结构比较好字数也就绝对没问题了.
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-7-19 06:14:00 | 只看该作者

A friend of mine is moving to my city, so I have been considering what she like or dislike. In my opinion, my city is suitable for living, though there are some demerits. In the article, I will detail my viewpoint.









First, if she is a young man, she could be excited with the large city. There are lots of exciting things to do. She has to adapt to a variety of situations. There are museums, galleries and movie theaters. If she a gourmet, she has chances to taste a wild assortment of food of the world in the city.






Secondly, in my city, there are many job offers available for different professionals. I am sure that she can readily get a decent job; and if she could work for their company five years of consecution, she will acquire full-scale welfares for a lift-time. These measures are popular in my city. Accordingly, this city doesn't lack funds but persons with ability.






Third, there are kinds of conveniences for living. On the one hand, the transports can carry her to all corners of the city; regarding travelers' comfort, schedules and space of commuting vehicles have been deliberately settled and designed. On the other hand, there are convenience stores and shopping malls all over the city, which supply commodities of cheap prices to the city's dwellers.  On the third hand, if she is a sports woman, she will love here because of sports facilities and fitness centers seen everywhere; their permissions are rather reasonable.






In addition, admittedly, security is a problem of my city, but it is not that serious. There were thefts on subway trains or commuting buses before. Since then, police have strengthened protection from these thefts and added to surveillance in public sites. Therefore, she may feel free to go around.






To sum up, the comparison of the two sides has already shown her a picture of my city. The last decision lies on her. In fact the best way to choose a dwelling is to live in there, and only her own feeling belongs to her. So, I welcome her to try this exciting place first.



[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-28 20:25:52编辑过]
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-7-19 06:16:00 | 只看该作者
Water sister: please evaluate it again. Welcome !!!!
[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-19 6:17:21编辑过]
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