eleven 作文贴么么哒成长吧！~

小蘑菇开始打怪 · 发表于 2014-7-5 11:42:56

7.3  独立写作
Movies and television programs should present stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people are punished

Along with fast development of society, espeically technology such as TV , internet , and other social media, movies and TV shows are well welcomed by the increasing number of people. However, the topic that movies and television programs should present stories in which bad people get punished and good people get happy ending causes wide public discuss. Personally, I believe that the movies and TV shows should put good and positive stories for public people.

To begin with,  a positive story will make people feel happy. With more and more competitive society(改成with the society becoming more and more competitive?), people take heavy life burden. Watching TV and movies is a good way for people to relax themselves. A good and positive movie will bring courage and hope for people. As reported, lots of new worker will have some difficult time in their firm. Such as some collegue bribe to their boss and get much salary or some peers do not work hard but still get same money. But(用however这样语法比较对）, in the reality, those new workers can not（用cannot） do any thing to change this unfair life. So when they watch movie and TV shows, they want to see bad guys get punished. From this kind of movie, they find hope of life and relax their bad mood. Obviously, those movies will make people get happier.

Furthermore, a good story could create a good example to people and establish a positive social environment.  Movies and TV have a far-reaching influence on this generations especially young adult. Those young people are full with passion and energetic（energy）. They like fashion and like those popular movies. At the same time, they may imitate their favorate actors' behavior unconciously. Therefore, if the movie give those young children bad example. Such as bad people get reward. This phenomenon will make young people to  question the world, even meke them do bad things. Therefore, it goes without saying that a positive movie not only will get a good feedback from young people but also estabilish a wonderful social environment.

Admitted, the movie which good people get reward and bad people get punished sometimes is very boring. Becuase when people watch movie at beginning, they will know then ending. And there almost are happy ending movie. Thus, those movie will be lack of some attraction. But it is too weak to persuade me to walk away from my point of view.

To sum up,  even though the positive movies sometime are indeed lack of attraction, it is ackownledged that contemporary people all like watch positive movies which not only could contribute great social environment but also could make people feel happier.

楼主每段的论点都很清楚，两个支持点一个让步。词句变化比较丰富。
个别句子语法上有些问题。比如：
1、用such as开头作为句子来举例我认为fragment
2、用连词（and but）开头但却只有一套主谓，所以这个连词可以换成副词。

考试加油！~

sweetyecho · 发表于 2014-7-5 17:36:57

elleven806 发表于 2014-7-4 20:06
7.3 TPO20综合
Clearly, the professor totally disproves that what is argued in the reading passage. A ...

这一篇的综合没什么问题，我听的点你基本都有。可能稍微不太完美的就是最后一个point的细节不充分：你只说了大意这个现象不会年年发生，如果能再加上rainfall，wind等等因素的阐述就更好了。

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2014-7-5 22:42:17

我是企鹅，顶着鹤鹤的名义又来啦

小蘑菇开始打怪 · 发表于 2014-7-7 10:52:10

亲，我的0704的独立作文貌似是和你互改，我看你到现在都没有写，我的文章已经写好了~~帮我改一下吧~~谢谢！

elleven806 · 发表于 2014-7-10 16:13:34

7.9 独立写作Spend money on long-lasting thing or spend on short-term pleasure

Along with fast development of economy, people could earn more money than past years. How to use the money? Some think people should spend money on short-term pleasure, such as buying jewelry. However, from my part, I believe that people should spend money on long-lasting thing such as taking a trip.
To begin with, long-lasting things could make people feel happier and more enjoyable. It is common knowledge that people earning money not only want to improve their life quality, but also want to make life more colorful. But, the pleasure from spending money on short-term things can not insist for long time. It is just a immediate enjoyment.For example, some women tend to purchase clothes and jewelry when they have some saving. However, buying those things can not give them a long-lasting enjoyment. As long as they obtain those things, they would not feel happy any more. On contrast, some clever people are likely to spend money on long-term things. They go to travel which not only bring happieness but also make people relax. And the most important thing is they still have those memorable records no matter how many years past.
Furthermore, saving money could train people's patient. As we know, saving money is a very difficult thing. There are lots of things attracting people during they are saving money. If one can not resist temptation, they can not saving enough moeny to do long-lasting things. By the way, the long-term thing may cost more than short-term thing. Therefore, saving money could contribute directly to train people's patient.
Finally, compared to short-term pleasure, long-term things are more meaningful. As the saying goes: successful people do the things that are hard and necessary and important. And unsuccessful people do the things that are fun and easy and which give immediate enjoyment. Such as short-term thing which are fulled with immediate pleasure. Therefore, the long-term things are more meaningful even though it would spend much more time and patient.
To sum up, although short-term things could bring immediate enjoyment to people, I still confirm that the long-lasting things could contribute a lot to our life.

elleven806 · 发表于 2014-7-22 22:57:20

7.22
broadly speaking 一般来说
our society generously provides such environment for people to achieve such goals.
...helps a person achieve his goal with more ease
!!Does sth only provide us nothing beneficial besides ...
eg.Does a university only provide nothing beneficial besides a paper-made diploma?
as far as I concerned, we enjoyed university education in the following aspects:
A systematic study in a college or a university, of cource, enables us to realize how the society works and how to cope with certian problems arising from it in a more efficiently, and more skillful way.
sth makes it possible that...
we get hold of （得到） a decent job
As a result of the accomplishment of a four-year study, it is not difficult for us to find a good job in most cases.
A university education fortifies our values, enhences our skills, and broadens our horizons.

elleven806 · 发表于 2014-7-23 11:44:10

commit to...投身于...
being heavily committed to ...is likely to make...过于专注某个做法

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