互改小组——V_ercy的作文贴

V_ercy · 发表于 2013-12-5 10:22:18

抱歉我是误打误撞进来的新人匆匆扫了一下七彩斑斓的置顶贴没看到版规现在因为急着要走了，所以就仿着开了一个贴子
如果有不对的地方麻烦通知我我晚上回来就改~~

13/46/70/102/112
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

作文：

There is an outstanding difference between colleges and technical schools that college student take diverse courses outside the student's field of study. Educational institutions should not only focus on great credits of students, but also on some other aspects which are likewise important to students. This policy will help broaden a student's knowledge, cultivate his taste, and improve his social ability, and so on. Thus a college student will be more thoroughly competent than those pupils from technical school with these advantages.

First, taking courses outside student's field will expand the horizons and broaden the knowledge which even someday you can use. Currently, everyone in society is a part of the integrity, and works infiltrate each other. You can no longer do one job without knowledge of other fields. For instance, for applying a job in a bank, other than financial knowledge, you have to be familiar with how to operate the database and analysis the data with SQL statements. When you have the ability of doing so, you would be a competent candidate for this job. Learning how to use database is clearly not a course within the coursework of business, and financial course is obviously not a curriculum of computer science. As a consequence, it is obvious that taking a course outside its field is a very advantage in some way, just as business student takes a database course, or computer student takes a financial course.

In addition, it can also help instill the student's personality and character traits, improve some skills in particular fields, and cultivate his taste. Such as the course about appreciating of operas, movies and music, will improve the appreciation of art; the course about tax policies of enterprise will help student understand deeper into the national economic structure which learning about it is always not a bad thing but instead good for our ; the course about how to use Photoshop, is a popular one actually in my college, everyone knows the amazing software and want to make a beautiful picture by this magic tool, but majority of students don't know how to use it, and this course give them an excellent opportunities to learn the skill.

Furthermore, taking courses outside student's field will also make a student more often communicate with others and result in making more friends. For example, the student of the Computer Science is usually more introversive, and the student study in business can be more outgoing. When they take the same course and occasionally have a chat, they will learn about other people and other fields of study much better. Without the chance for taking other courses, this kind of communication will never happen.

To sum up, encouraging student to take a variety of curricula outside student's field of study is very reasonable. To achieve the best outgrowth of education, university students should do so.

自己觉得用词比较幼稚简单，而且写得比较匆忙不是很饱满估计可能还有挺多语法错误的希望大家多提意见

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-12-5 15:46:02

mark，晚上看

enkyklios · 发表于 2013-12-6 22:46:53

为了最大程度保持楼主原意，只做了一点小改动代参考。

There is an outstanding difference between colleges and technical schools that college student take diverse courses outside the student's field of study.
that句不合语法，不知道它作什么成份

Educational institutions should not only focus on great credits of students, but also on some other aspects which are likewise important to students.
并列的宾语不应该把not only放的那么前，credits 你要表达的意思可能是学分吧，但是这里恐怕表达的不好（这里是荣誉和great搭配不好，当然荣誉不能用复数）which不应该是限制性定语从句，当然如果是那些同样重要的方面本来也可以，问题是but also 是有侧重的，需要强调后者。所以likewise使用就不当。
修改后；
Educational institutions should focus  not only on the  academic records of students, but also on some other aspects, which actually have
even great influence on them。

This policy will help broaden a student's knowledge, cultivate his taste, and improve his social ability, and so on. Thus a college student will be more thoroughly competent than those pupils from technical school with these advantages.

this policy前边没有明示的指代词。社会能力不好，应该是social acceptability这里不应该先就有个and,后边有and so on, a student 冠词使用错误，more competent 就可以，pupils是小学生。with these advantages 不应当放在这里
This policy will help broaden a student's knowledge, promote his taste,  improve his social skill, and so on. with these advantages,  the college students will be more  competent than those  from technical schools.

考虑到this policy的问题重新修改一下句子,但是这个句子还是逻辑上不好。

Educational institutions should focus not only on the academic records of students, but also on some other aspects, aspects that will help broaden a student's knowledge, cultivate his taste,  improve his social skill, and so on. with these advantages,  the college students will be more  competent than those  from technical schools.

V_ercy · 发表于 2013-12-7 11:53:06

enkyklios 发表于 2013-12-6 22:46
为了最大程度保持楼主原意，只做了一点小改动代参考。

There is an outstanding difference between colle ...

谢谢enky 很多错误确实是别人一指出来我就恍然大悟的，但自己看就很没有意识
我已经在自己的文档上作过修改了，贴子里的还是保持原样，继续接受批评~~

enkyklios · 发表于 2013-12-7 14:20:44

V_ercy 发表于 2013-12-7 11:53
谢谢enky 很多错误确实是别人一指出来我就恍然大悟的，但自己看就很没有意识
我已经在自己的文档上作过 ...

不谢。共同进步

V_ercy · 发表于 2013-12-9 23:01:03

28/85/94/113/120/121/127/145/147

Claims: Some people claim that you can tell whether a nation is great by looking at the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists. Others argue that the surest indicator of a great nation is, in fact, the general welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

作文：

I truly doubt it at first that, is there really "the surest" indicator in affecting a nation to be "great"? I think what make a nation great will be not decided by only one factor, but should be considered of many aspects. So I agree with the statement with reservations: the surest indicator of a great nation is not only represented by the general welfare of its people, but also by the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.

Admittedly, the public interest should be the primary concern of any nation pursuing greatness. Poor well-being means that the medical level of a nation is not so advanced, the social mechanism is not very complete, and people maybe even not achieve a subsistence level, let alone a well-off level that you have spare money to do other things like entertainments and inventions. And if people are in this situation, how can they make great art, and improve the science development? In a word, the general welfare is a basis of stability, economic prosperity and cultural diversity of a nation.

Why a great ruler be called a great ruler? A country’s leader makes a policy to stabilize the society and ensure the economic prosperity, scientific research and cultural development. Only if a leader makes good decisions that benefit people and help stabilized or even enhance the country’s circumstance, a nation can pursue greatness and a ruler can be called a prudent ruler. So no doubt the achievement of a nation's rulers is an important flag of a nation to flourish.

Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet once said, "The decline of a literature indicates the decline of a nation; the two keep in their downward tendency." A great country must have a deep cultural background, and the profound culture consists of great arts. For instance, when people see one of the greatest arts in the world, the Coliseum of the Rome, they can feel the great power from this piece of architecture, can see their history, feel every fight that happened here and the earsplitting applause from the audiences back then which indicates a exuberant vitality of the empire Rome. How can people get spiritual and aesthetic pleasure without the arts? The achievement of artists surely is considered to be a sure indicator.

And similarly, the scientific accomplishment is a crucial indicator. The rising of science strength indicates the rising of a country. Scientific inventions such as computer, television, cellphone make people a better life. And the more enormous technological development such as satellite, rocket, and space station is a significant symbol for the comparison among countries. The more developed country, the stronger its technological strength.

To sum up, a great nation is subject to the general welfare of its people, the achievements of its rulers, the contribution of artists and accomplishment of scientists.

结尾结得太匆忙，没时间了..... / _ \

V_ercy · 发表于 2013-12-11 22:40:28

55. In order for any work of art—for example, a film, a novel, a poem, or a song—to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.

正文：

Art is not about the execution, it is about the concept. Art is difficult for most people to understand because it doesn't represent a concrete image that our eyes and brain can identify. But is it true that a work of art that most people can not understand does not have merit? Of course not. I think the statement is wrongheaded. Art can express one's emotion and opinions, reflects the vicissitude of society and history, and enrich the life.

First of all, what is "understandable"? Is it about the concept and notion, or the techniques and virtuosity? I'd like to give an example about an artist that I love most, Vincent Van Gogh, and his painting "Sunflower". Simply fifteen sunflowers in a vase, but it shows a brilliant harmony. Van Gogh loved nature and could see pure beauty from simple things. The image of sunflowers is full of hope. However, perhaps bright yellows full of hope to arid browns of welting and death, the polar opposites present his tragic short life. Who can say we understand this masterpiece completely? But who can say it is not a work of art that have great merit?

Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet once said, "The decline of a literature indicates the decline of a nation; the two keep in their downward tendency." A great country always has a deep cultural background, and the profound culture consists of great arts. When people see one of the greatest arts in the world, the Coliseum of the Rome, they can feel the great power from this piece of architecture, can see their history, feel every fight that happened here and the earsplitting applause from the audiences back then which indicates a exuberant vitality of the empire Rome. But I definitely believe that no one can say that he understand the Coliseum fully. A great work of art is not so easy to be understandable because it contains many stories and efforts in it.

Furthermore, we should know that art is anywhere. We don't have to go to the museum, gallery or theater to find art. Works of art are not just paintings, movies, poems or operas, but also in architecture, cars, furniture, and many objects we see daily. Psychologically, art enhances life by adding beauty to our surroundings. It is some source of relaxation and pleasure from the stress of life. We can simply go through the magazine, see the fashion and photograph in it, and thus feel relax and have a pleasure, even though sometimes those fashion things you totally can't understand.

According to reasons above, I can support the conclusion that: even in order to any work of art to have merit, it does not have to be understandable to most people.

每次结尾都十分匆忙只来得及写一句重复……
作死 _(:з」∠)_

V_ercy · 发表于 2013-12-11 22:43:30

enkyklios 发表于 2013-12-7 14:20
不谢。共同进步

enky亲，如果你有闲情，再帮忙看一下这两篇吧 ; )

enkyklios · 发表于 2013-12-12 11:17:29

V_ercy 发表于 2013-12-11 22:43
enky亲，如果你有闲情，再帮忙看一下这两篇吧 ; )

I truly doubt it at first that, is there really "the surest" indicator in affecting a nation to be "great"? I think what make a nation great will be not decided by only one factor, but should be considered of many aspects. So I agree with the statement with reservations: the surest indicator of a great nation is not only represented by the general welfare of its people, but also by the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.

doubt 是很肯定的说我对……很怀疑，后边不应该is there ，如果后边这样的表达前边应该说I am not sure ……
it 和that我认为这里不应该被分隔。
in affecting完全不合语法。there is a indicator affecting……。affecting后置定语才对。
affecting a nation to be great 应该也不这么用。
will be not不好。
but should be considered of many aspects主语呢？
reservations我认为不应该加s。
the surest indicator not only but also
一个最确定的指标，不但是，而且是，这完全不对嘛，而且如果前边提出怀疑后边就不应该再自己提出一个surest indicator来

试着修改一下，那里改的不好请楼主批评指正。

In my opinion, we should consider as many aspects as possible , and I doubt it that there is a surest indicator to show whether or not a nation is great, therefor I am infavor of a relatively conservative statement, that is, we may need observe both the general welfare of its people and the achievements of its rulers,artists or scientists for a surer indicator.

另外给楼主修改一下中文的表达；如果你有时间，或者如果你方便。不叫“闲情”

[作文互改] 互改小组——V_ercy的作文贴

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