[argument] 第一篇GRE作文，仿着新东方绿皮上的一篇写的，想修改但有种无从下手的感觉，求帮忙

While it seems reasonable to conclude that Palean basket is not uniquely Plalean by the evidencessome archaeologists discovered, this argument does not consider it carefully andcogently.  Truly, it is easy for eachperson to assume that”Plalean” basket can be also made in another ancientvillage across the Brim River through superficial evidence, but this author’sargument is rife with a conclusion like that.

The author implies that these distinctive woven baskets found in Lithos weremade by Lithos people and he even assumedthat the Brim River was deep and broad just as today’s Brim River.  However, we cannot judge or decide one thing according to its present aspectwithout tracing important histories, so as to BrimRiver.  There are several possibilitiesaccount for this surprising discovery. Firstly, the Brim River was very deep but surprisingly narrow so thatPalean people was able to cross it and brought their baskets to Lithos.  Secondly, what if this river is very broadbut not deep? Then it is possible for the Palean people to go to Lithos.  What’s more, we all know that crossing narrowand shallow rivers is a piece of cake for normal people.  Lastly, nature is always altering and maybethe Brim River didn’t exist at that time, then it is not necessary to take thisriver as an evidence.  Therefore, unlessother archaeologies find the Brim River was deep and broad, it may not be usedto effectively back the author’s argument.  Additionly, assuming that Palean people wasunable to get over the river because of itsdepth and broadness is not convincing for it might ice up during winter and offera safe way for people to go through it. To correctly get accurate information, more concentration paid to theresearch is necessary.

Building upon the implication that Paleanpeople couldn’t have crossed the Brim River due to no Palean boats have beenfound, the author suggests that baskets was made in Lithos rather than Palean.  It is not certain, however, this discovery islimited in a small rang.  For example,some ancient boats are likely to be buried somewhere else near Palean or Lithoswhich is hard for people to locate.  Thefinding is not absolutely right without considering another possibility—boatswere rotten so severely that disappeared as time goes by.  Obviously, many other reasons for boats’absence can give good explanation for archaeologists’ findings such as beingburned or borrowed by others after being used.

If there are certain evidence shows thatbaskets in Lithos were made by Lithos’ local people, this may be true.  However, before finding direct evidence whichsupports his claim, the author concluded too quickly and cursorily.  Why these baskets could not be made by Paleanpeople and bought by Lithos people?  Inaddition, many friendly intercourse is undoubtedly ignored.  For instance, when a girl from Palean marry aboy in Lithos and then live in Lithos together. These baskets probably was made by this girl.  Consequently, this assumption is notcommitted to many claims about possible situation and not great to contributeto concluding from.

A correct academic finding is expected todepend absolutely definite evidence rather than some subject assumption.  In order to obtain much more convincingevidences, it’s better for them to conduct a deeper explore into both villagesaround the Brim River and try to understand more history about them with thehelp of literature.