argument1，我知道我水平忒次。。哭。。

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-3 10:37:54

argument1
422字，时间不计，2012年11月3号，刚写完。
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found
only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed
to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered
such a "

alean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The
Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by
boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets
were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument
and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

This argument contradicts a previous assertion that so-called Palean
baskets were uniquely Palean,using a recent discovery of a "palean"
basket in Lithos.To boost its conclusion that Palean baskets were not
uniquely Palean,the author claims that not only ancient Paleans cannot
cross the Brim River,but also the basket found in Lithos is a real
Palean basket.Even though this argument seems logical at the first
glance,several vital fallacies exist in its reasoning.

The most tenuous assumption in the arugument is a basket discovered by
archaeologists in Lithos is a Palean basket.Maybe the basket just looks
like a "

alean" one.Or it is possible that someone forges a such
"

alean" basket for money or reputation.Only because of the superfacial
similiary between this new discovery and previous Palean basket,could
the new one not be judged as a Palean basket.More adequate evidence
should be given to affirm that this discovery is a Palean basket
absolutely.

even though the assumption above is confirmed,another one that Paleans
were incapable of crossing the Brim River is unsubstantiated.The Brim
River is very deep and broad at present doesnot mean it was so in the
past.it maybe shallow or narrow,enough for the Paleans to cross by
other than boat.If it was deep and broad in the past,boating was not the
only way to cross a river.They could build a bridge.in this way,it is
not such a shock that a Palean basket was been found in Lithos.Another
possibility is that Paleans walked far away to find a easy way to cross
the Brim River to sell baskets in Lithos.Why must they cross the deep
and broad part of the river to reach their destination?

Moreover,the assumption that no Palean cross river by boat because of
no Palean boats have been found is ridiculous.The fact that
archaeologists can not find palean boats has numorous
causes.definitely,Palean did not have the need to use their own boats.It
is likely that they used the boats from Lithos.Generally speaking,the
wreck of a boat may disappear after thousands of years.The existence of
a thing can not be denied because of no evidence can not be found yet.

In sum,it can not be determined whether the basket discovered is a
Palean basket or not,by the evidence offered in this argument.To affirm
its conclusion,the author should make sure that this basket is a true
Palean one,the Brim River was deep and broad in the past,the only method
Paleans crossing the river is by boat,and they can neither manufacture
nor use boats.despite these evidence,the assumptions this argument based
on are fallacious and unconvincing.

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-3 10:39:57

呼，每次写作文都是在花很多时间把我想的表达出来，表达的对不对，觉得写得很不流畅，想的到挺多，但是词汇啊，语法啊都不够，很多次不会用，用的不准，很烦恼，求解脱，是要一直写一直写么？语法啥的如何改进？求指导

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-3 14:18:49

This argument contradicts a previous assertion that so-called Palean
baskets were uniquely Palean（？were unique in）,using a recent discovery of a "palean"
basket in Lithos. To boost its conclusion that Palean baskets were not
uniquely Palean, the author claims that not only ancient Paleans cannot
cross the Brim River, but also the basket found in Lithos is a real
Palean basket. Even though this argument seems logical at the first
glance, several vital fallacies exist in its reasoning.（这句下结论的话需要对instruction作出回应，而不是所有的都共用一个表达）

The most tenuous assumption in the argument is （这里应当有that）a basket discovered by
archaeologists in Lithos is a Palean basket.在写后面的内容之前，需要你自己的分析推理，怎么样才可以说明是真的的，而不要急于说起他的可能性，然后再说题目并没有给出相关的信息，最后谈起他的可能。 Maybe the basket just looks
like a "

alean" one. Or it is possible that someone forges a such
"

alean" basket for money or reputation. Only because of the superficial
similiary（similarity） between this new discovery and previous Palean basket, could
the new one not be judged as a Palean basket. More adequate evidence
should be given to affirm that this discovery is a Palean basket
absolutely.

even though the assumption above is confirmed, another one that Paleans
were incapable of crossing the Brim River is unsubstantiated. The Brim
River is very deep and broad at present （does的主语是什么？）does not mean it was so in the
past. it maybe shallow or narrow, enough for the Paleans to cross by
other than boating. If it was deep and broad in the past, boating was not the
only way to cross a river. They could build a bridge. in this way, it is
not such a shock that a Palean basket was been found in Lithos. Another
possibility is that Paleans walked far away to find a easy way to cross
the Brim River to sell baskets in Lithos. Why must they cross the deep
and broad part of the river to reach their destination?

Moreover, the assumption that no Palean cross river by boat because of
no Palean boats have been found is ridiculous. The fact that
archaeologists can not find palean boats has numorous
causes. definitely, Palean did not have the need to use their own boats. It
is likely that they used the boats from Lithos. Generally speaking, the
wreck of a boat may disappear after thousands of years. The existence of
a thing can not be denied because of no evidence can not be found yet.
第二点和第三点最好调换，先说没有船是没有依据的，再说即使真的没船，也是没有依据的
In sum, it can not be determined whether the basket discovered is a
Palean basket or not, by the evidence offered in this argument. To affirm
its conclusion, the author should make sure that this basket is a true

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-3 14:22:20

argu重在你的推理过程，把他说清楚，就是说要得到题目的结论，根据题目的依据，还存在什么样的前提或者假设，还需要什么样的证据或者明确什么问题等等，然后能有具体的例子说下，比如说某个百分比可以怎么理解或者怎么理解，因而…………不急于下结论。加油，坚持写坚持改就好

dream521fang · 发表于 2012-11-3 14:52:27

谢啦~继续努力。。。。积累语言中。。看范文去。。。

[作文互改] argument1，我知道我水平忒次。。哭。。

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