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[作文互改] ISSUE140 第一篇求各位G友拍拍拍!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-7-30 12:21:07 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
9.15越来越近了~  
小猪猪终于提笔写了第一篇ISSUE~
还望各位G友使劲儿拍拍~
小猫这厢有礼了~

Issue140: Some people believe that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study. Others believe that universities should not force student to take any courses other than those that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields.

此文为:
开头就是我的中心论点

第一个意群段是提正,也就是同意观点
第二个是反对
第三个是,合

NO.140
Education is an important means of human heritage of arts and science. Successful education allows individuals to obtain a sound personality and the necessary skills to make a living, contributing to human civilization in his social life.
As far as this statement, although the first suggestion that students should take various courses outside their field of study has some merits to some extent, I find the second sound more sense suggesting that students should only take courses contributing to their career future. For one reason, it helps students define their own role in society, to eliminate the confusion and fear for the future. For example, early child teachers usually give a gentle, beautiful, and kind-hearted image, while engineers are usually serious and somewhat rigid. According to these images of typical social roles, students can choose their ideal jobs considering their own personalities, and thus they will feel more comfortable when facing the unknown of the future. For another, career-oriented courses assure a wider range of opportunities for cooperation between universities and enterprises. It is evident to see that Microsoft, the software empire, has set up its own laboratories and training courses in numbers of universities to enhance the quantity and quality of its potential employees, so does Trolltech, the well-known application framework developer, and NVIDIA, a famous graphics cards manufacturer. All of these benefit from the career-oriented courses.
However, I am afraid both two suggestions may not be feasible. disagree with the author in several respects. First, the suggestion that every student should take a variety of courses outside their field of study is not practicable. For one reason, many universities just can’t afford enough finance and staff to support for this project. For another, students who take too many courses usually don’t have enough time to digest all the knowledge in books, leading to a superficial grasp of knowledge. Even worse, such pressure impacted on students may raise disgust to study among students. As for the suggestion that students should only take courses that will be beneficial for jobs, it doesn’t sound sense in some respects. For one thing, many new jobs have been created in recent years, and the qualification of a certain job is changing as time goes by. As a result, it’s usually impossible for a student to know precisely and exactly what courses should he take in order to find a good job. For another, if such advise has been adopted nationwide, it may cause several severe social problems in that we may have superfluous graduated students get themselves in trouble looking for jobs in a narrow job field, like IT and insurance, because these fields are now the most attracting and imply a bright future. But in fields that are relatively less attracting today, manufactory or farming, constituting also a large proportion in a state’s economy, will be continuing suffering the shortage of labor, or even worse, end up in bankrupt.
Finally, the most import criteria to judge the education system of a university is to evaluate that how well the students have learned to think independently and skeptically and how well the students have developed a proper value of life. Only to think independently and skeptically can a student make a correct decision confronting dilemma or crisis. And only with a proper value of life can a student distinguish good and evil, globe and humility and fulfill a meaningful life.
In a conclusion, we realize that the two suggestions mentioned above have both advantages and disadvantages. And by taking a deeper sight into our education system, we judge that an effective teaching method is the one help students develop not only technical skills but also a enlightened mind.

感谢各位G友~欢迎大家畅所欲言,集思广益~rp多多~分数多多~
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沙发
发表于 2012-7-30 15:36:20 | 只看该作者
第一段,看不出你什么观点,而且也看不出怎么跟题目有关系
For example, early child teachers usually give a gentle, beautiful, and kind-hearted image, while engineers are usually serious and somewhat rigid. According to these images of typical social roles, students can choose their ideal jobs considering their own personalities, and thus they will feel more comfortable when facing the unknown of the future. 这里论述的太虚了,我觉得
. disagree with the author??
我觉得你在段落组织时,没有处理好题目中的两个提议的内容安排,在一个段落中两个同时同意,这样论述起来就显得不够鲜明。最好分开,承认一个的合理之处,再论述不合理的,最后做出一个折中的论述。
另外,从内容上我觉得你的最后一段提到的关于教育目标的问题,可以放到第一段中去,第一段适当分析题目中建议的目的,然后给出自己的观点。
最后,AW写作语言不要写的太虚太抽象,越具体越好。
板凳
发表于 2012-7-30 19:52:06 | 只看该作者
对于题目中有两个对立的建议这样的题目应该如何展开呢?是重写一个略写一个?都谈谈?
地板
发表于 2012-7-31 22:00:57 | 只看该作者
对于题目中有两个对立的建议这样的题目应该如何展开呢?是重写一个略写一个?都谈谈?
-- by 会员 loeva (2012/7/30 19:52:06)

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