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[作文互改] ARGUMENT 15

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楼主
发表于 2012-5-17 00:01:39 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
第二次掐时间写ARGUMENT。。写是写完了。。但才377个字。感觉内容很空洞。而且还没结尾。ARGUMENT是不是可以没有结尾呢
求指导

In this memo, the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants indicated that their restaurants throughout the southwestern United States had little impact on their customers when they replaced butter to margarine.For the reasons, as the manager pointed out, are that the survey which shows only about 2 percent of customers had complained and that many servers reported that customers wouldn't complain when they got margarine instead of butter.I don't think the manager had enough explanations to elucidate the condition of southwestern restaurants.



First, the manager cited a survey indicated that only about 2 percent of customers have complained about the change, so he thought this change had little impact on their customers.However, the explanation is questionable and there is an alternative explanation for this survey: nearly almost of customers complain about this change, but a great many of them don't want to tell the researchers.Probably they make a decision that they won't go to this restaurant again.Besides, the manager didn’t prove that the design and implement of the survey are in strict accordance with the scientific processes; the conclusions of the survey are objective and neutral; the people who are in charge of the survey have no influence on other beneficial elements.



And the second, the managers indicate many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead.There also have another explanation: perhaps these servers didn't tell the real condition.The servers may think they will become busier if they tell the manager the truth that many customers complain about the change.Therefore, the servers were likely to mask the truth.In addition, even if the servers told the truth, it doesn't mean that the customers were satisfied about the change.The customers did not voice it does not mean they did not hate it.



The last, the manager convinced that either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.It is so funny that customers are unable to distinguish butter from margarine, even they used 'butter' to refer to both of them.There has an explanation more reasonable: the customers didn’t want to break their good mood so that they wouldn’t argue for such little things.

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沙发
发表于 2012-5-17 00:59:56 | 只看该作者
almost of customers?
诚如你所说,你指出不合理的地方的时候,后面就急着给出其他的解释,这太简单了,不好,没有分析推理,只能说是3分或者不到的水准
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-5-17 01:42:56 | 只看该作者
almost of customers?
诚如你所说,你指出不合理的地方的时候,后面就急着给出其他的解释,这太简单了,不好,没有分析推理,只能说是3分或者不到的水准
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/5/17 0:59:56)




好的。谢谢中人提点啊。。这个是要求写explanations的。我只练过一篇。不太懂写。我去参考下其他人的
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