第五篇issue，严重超时，不知道有没有进步，加油！

liucy · 发表于 2012-5-16 16:25:18

Some people claim that a nation’s government should preserve it’s wilderness areas in their natural state. Others argue that these areas should be developed economic gains.

提纲：

1.中立态度，两方面各有各的理由，我认为应该综合来看，把两方面结合起来才是对的选择。

2.首先，肯定野生保护区、生态环境的作用和价：保证自然界的合理运转、人类等生物的繁衍等等。Eg：植物——氧气——人类

3其次，肯定经济发展的价值和作用：是人类社会发展的标准，是教育、科技、文化等领域繁荣的基础，并且，是自然区域保护的必要物质条件，若没有足够的经济支持，环境保护必定举步维艰。Eg：保护自然环境过程中数据的采集等研究活动都建立在资金支持、技术支持的基础上。因此，环境保护和发展经济不是对立的，而是统一的。

4.然而，现在的情形却使得环境和经济对立起来。政府对环保的投资势必造成在经济发展领域内投资的减少，企业家为了企业发展而占用土地势必会造成自然用地的减少，等等。

在这里，政府的职责就凸显出来：协调矛盾，化矛盾为动力。比如鼓励寻找可替代能源，比如支持教育产业，通过改变人们消费观的方式彻底解决对立问题。Eg：奖励提高土地利用率的企业，缓解人地矛盾。

正文：

It’s reasonable that people have different opinions on the using of wilderness areas because everything got two sides. And as far as I’m concern, for the aim of keeping the harmonious state between human world and wilderness areas, the government’s job calls for a balance in both environment protection and economy development.

To begin with, the concept of wilderness area is that the natural land which haven’t been influenced by the human movements. As a system that keep the animals, plants, climate, and human being running in order, wilderness areas is playing an indispensable rule in ensuring human multiply. The wilderness areas are called as engine of earth for reasons. For example, plants in wilderness areas turn the carbon dioxide to oxygen through the process of photosynthesis, and then, animals which live by oxygen could maintain their life depend on the plants’ breathing program, that’s what we called balance. Thus, preserving the wilderness area is clearly an indubitable mission for the government to finish in order to keep this balance.

Economy is like the standard for us to evaluate the level of social development. The boom of economy also brings the development of education, technology, art, and other fields which almost contain every aspects of our life. And ensuring the incessantly development of economy is a key step to improve peoples’ living situation. Without the support of economy, many projects like protecting the environment in wilderness areas will not be easy to success. For instance, in order to study the characters of a certain area for the protection, scientists would need to gather kinds of data about its environment situations like the number of the species or the area of the natural land. And all of these data obtaining processes requires for the stable and adequate financial support. Thus, environment and economy should be concerned as the partners which make the world better instead of the opponents who block off each others’ way.

However, the reality of the relationship between wilderness areas and economy is getting more and more nervous. The money that government costs to ameliorate environment problems would definitely cause the lake of investment in economy fields. And the increasingly need of lands to develop the economy could also cause the depletion of wilderness areas’ land resource. Only focusing on the economy development or on the environment protection would enlarge this conflict. In order to solve this conflict radically, government should pay more attention on peoples’ consuming conception. Through the process of education, people would be able to reconsider their position in this environment-economy pattern in a developmental point of view. For example, government could encourage scientists to study on the renewable resources with both policy and financial support, or price the corporations who advanced the efficiency of using the land resource. All these methods could prevent the depletion of wilderness resources. Therefore, as an institution whose aim is to improve human wealth in the whole society, government is required to turn this conflict into balance in proper ways.

To sum up with, as an important part of natural world, we should set up our mind in modulating the effects between economy development and wilderness area protection. They are both significant in different aspects, thus can not be compared with any fixed standards. It’s not only the job that our government needs to do, but also the destiny that our generation should face.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-5-16 20:04:46

everything got two sides？我觉得got用的不恰当吧
I’m concern？
the concept of wilderness area is that the natural land ？
As a system that keep？
human being running in order？不需要being，而且我觉得你的前面的这几个并列词不太好
indispensable rule ？
wilderness areas is playing an indispensable rule in ensuring human multiply. The wilderness areas are called as engine of earth for reasons.前一句太过主观，后一句表达for reasons做什么成分
which live by oxygen？？？live on
depend on the plants’ breathing program?depend形式错误，另外常识错误，不是植物的呼吸作用而是光和作用，植物的呼吸作用一般是耗氧的
that’s what we called balance这一句在一整句里面不做什么成分的，你只需单独作为一个句子即可，不要用逗号。
mission for the government to finish for其实可以不要，finish用的不好
Economy is like the standard，我不认为is like 比is就好。
every aspects ？？
后面先不看了，我觉得你的表达上的问题很大，有必要先自己加强下，一是单词意思的准确把握，二是短语和介词短语的准确运用，三是语法规则的准确把握，四是句语句之间的衔接和相互支撑，五是段落内部的组织。
因为你的表达有限，你的内容也就显得很孤立，很主观很随意，没有体现出应有的严密的思维和逻辑。作为Issue，不是写出自己能够想出来的东西，更需要的是把自己想出来的东西加工下，形成一个严密的逻辑整体。你有必要多多学习一些范文。
最后期待你的继续努力和坚持，相信会有进步的。
另外，建议你现在写不计时，这对你提高是阻碍，非要自己在限定时间写出来，忽略了你应该提高的东西，练习的只是速度，而速度是不会因为你写得多就能提高的，而是在于你对题目的把握和理解，看到题目后，按照怎么样的规则发散，然后组织，表达，如果形成了习惯，你的速度自然会提升的

guominhuhu · 发表于 2012-5-17 23:00:04

正文：

It’s reasonable that people have different opinions on the using of wilderness areas because everything got two sides.（客观讲，你这个有语法错误，再者，这个理由有点浅，再换个比的，可以吗？） And as far as I’m concern, for the aim of keeping the harmonious state between human world and wilderness areas, the government’s job calls for a balance in both environment protection and economy development.（先抛开句式，你的 environment protection and economy development.是缺少定冠词的）

To begin with, the concept of wilderness area is that the natural land which haven’t been influenced by the human movements. （有点中式英语，你直接翻译的，找找资料看看官方定义把，这样不会存在中西方理解上的干扰，毕竟你的读者是老外）As a system that keep the animals（keeps 注意主谓一致）, plants, climate, and human being running in order, wilderness areas is playing （我觉得用现在完成进行时比现在进行时好，试试吧）an indispensable rule in ensuring human multiply. The wilderness areas are called as engine of earth for reasons. For example, plants in wilderness areas turn the carbon dioxide to oxygen through the process of photosynthesis, and then, animals which live by oxygen could maintain their life depend on the plants’ breathing program, that’s what we called balance. Thus, preserving the wilderness area is clearly an indubitable mission for the government to finish in order to keep this balance.

Economy is like the standard for us to evaluate the level of social development. (告诉我你想表达什么呢，中式思维)The boom of economy also brings the development of education, technology, art, and other fields which almost contain every aspects of our life. And ensuring the incessantly development of economy is a key step to improve peoples’ living situation. Without the support of economy, many projects like protecting the environment in wilderness areas will not be easy to success. For instance, in order to study the characters of a certain area for the protection, scientists would need to gather kinds of data about its environment situations like the number of the species or the area of the natural land. And all of these data obtaining processes requires for the stable and adequate financial support. Thus, environment and economy should be concerned as the partners which make the world better instead of the opponents who block off each others’ way.

However, the reality of the relationship between wilderness areas and economy is getting more and more nervous. The money that government costs to ameliorate environment problems would definitely cause the lake of investment in economy fields. And the increasingly need of lands to develop the economy could also cause the depletion of wilderness areas’ land resource. Only focusing on the economy development or on the environment protection would enlarge this conflict. In order to solve this conflict radically, government should pay more attention on peoples’ consuming conception. Through the process of education, people would be able to reconsider their position in this environment-economy pattern in a developmental point of view. For example, government could encourage scientists to study on the renewable resources with both policy and financial support, or price the corporations who advanced the efficiency of using the land resource. All these methods could prevent the depletion of wilderness resources. Therefore, as an institution whose aim is to improve human wealth in the whole society, government is required to turn this conflict into balance in proper ways.

To sum up with, as an important part of natural world, we should set up our mind in modulating the effects between economy development and wilderness area protection. They are both significant in different aspects, thus can not be compared with any fixed standards. It’s not only the job that our government needs to do, but also the destiny that our generation should face.

后面的由于时间原因不能一一细读，总体你的作文不错的，再加强一下，多分析自己的作文，对比别人的作文，好好努力，相作文4分冲刺吧。相信你

[作文互改] 第五篇issue，严重超时，不知道有没有进步，加油！

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