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[作文互改] 第二篇issue,major cities&society characteristics

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楼主
发表于 2012-5-10 16:18:25 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
题目:
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study it’s major cities.

正文:
The society is a combination of multicultural, which includes numerous kinds of people, languages, incidents, and other factors. This makes the identification of the societies’ characteristic a mission that unable to finish. But by focusing on the major cities seems like a perfect way to go. The reason why I agree with the assertion follows two aspects.

The first conception we need to figure out is the component of a society. By noticing the boundary between the important part and the unimportant part, we can clearly identify and understand the most important characters of a society. However, as an organic integer of the human world, the society is related with too much parameters. And each of the parameters could cause a vital change to the society itself. Thus, to figure out the essential points of such an intricate conception, we should locate the major part of it, which could represents it’s most significant function and meaning.

As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing more suitable than the major cities to play this role. Just as clearly as it’s name, major city is a big stew pot of financial investment, palmy civilization, high-tech manufactures, and political movements. Most of the advantageous resource converged in the major city. For example, the academicians in almost every fields are gathering in the major cities. As we all know, the academicians are the leaders to promote the society to one and another level, and that makes the major city a mirror of society which shows its direction of development. Moreover, major city is the first choice of the government to settle down, because it has almost every hardware and software which the government need, like convenient traffic condition, high efficiency of information communication, and of course, adequate revenue as financial support. What’s more important is, government is playing a vital important role on influencing the society by manipulating the ideology, which shows the effects firstly in major cities. Thus, studying the major cities of a society is a key step to understand its most important characteristics.

However, only focus on the major cities is far from enough. As what I mentioned before, the society is a complicate organism witch consists with too much parameters. One needs to conceder more situations to figure out the societies’ character. For example, the rural place could be considered as one of those parameters. Rural place is the primary breeding grand of the traditional culture in every country. By examining the typical characters in the country side, we can easily find out the original information about a society.

To sum up with, it’s really wisely that the author suggests that to figure out the most important characteristics of a society by studying its major cities. However, it’s not the only way out, other methods like examining its rural places could also provide very valuable information.


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沙发
发表于 2012-5-10 21:04:44 | 只看该作者
第一句,multicultural是名词吗?这里应该用一个名词
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-5-13 15:59:57 | 只看该作者
能不能再拍拍除了错词以外的,摆脱了~~
地板
发表于 2012-5-14 12:12:31 | 只看该作者
第二段太虚,不建议这么写
第四段太虚
我建议写Issue,不要讲大话,讲大道理,要写具体,为什么这样,这样有什么好处,有什么坏处,等等。没有支撑的语句,我只能认为你是很主观的,没有认识的深度
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-5-14 14:35:28 | 只看该作者
恩,明白了
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