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[作文互改] 国家伟大取决于.... 给点指点吧 写的很粗糙

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楼主
发表于 2012-4-5 22:02:15 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
In terms of the greatness of a nation,the writer argues that the most dependent factor is the achievement of the nation's ruler,artists or scientists.Admittedly,these people could make some major contributions to the progress of state.However,as far as I'm concerned,the well-being of all people is the ultimate goal and the most essential indicator of a great nation.

All over the world,when refering to a great nation,one will definitely think of the outstanding and unique achievements of the states.Consider,for example,Greece where nascent democracy,western philosophy and the Olympics spirits are originated,is famous to us for its long and plentiful culture.It is more or less the same with China,which created The Four Great inventions and many creative thoughts concerning freedom and love.Although temporal people in these two countries were not affluent and healthy enough,we couldn't repudiate the greatness of the origins of western and eastern culture.

Beyond the concession,however,the defination of "nation" gush out of my mind.A nation consists of people and a great nation should aim at allowing its people enjoy a better life.In short,when evaluating the greatness of nation,the well-being is a decisive and necessary perspective counted.If a nation has been enhancing the military strength without considering the individual life of people,what terrible situations,if we predict to some extent,will emerge?The harmonious and quiet atmosphere of ordinary people will be broken up via the compulsory joint into army.If a state only pursues the aggressive progress of economy in the context of environmental bad polution and people's poor living condition,we can't imagine the awful outgrowth afterward.Thus,the basic conditions of individual life are supposed to take into a considerable account.

What's more,the well-being also enjoy quite a few meanings and detemined factors.Not only through getting the plenty wages resulting from ample jobs can they purchase most of whatever they desire,but also filled with the happy relationship among families in harmony surroundings will they live a better and enjoyable life.

In sum,despite the achivements of the rulers,artists or scientists can hint the great progress of the state,the surest indicator of a great nation should be the well-being of people,the nation's ultimate goals forever.


限时实在写不到400啊,词汇太有限了,例子也是大路边上的。。。

还想问下,我是工科,最高追求为3分AW(题库基本看完)   我现在应该是不是主攻verbal啊
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沙发
发表于 2012-4-5 23:13:16 | 只看该作者
背背高分作文,多练几篇上3分没问题
板凳
发表于 2012-4-6 11:02:29 | 只看该作者
写Issue最好写具体些啊,仅仅不断地说福利如何地重要,没有说服力啊,需要举出一些具体的例子或者具体的一些方面,毕竟well being是很虚很广的一个概念
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-6 15:32:17 | 只看该作者
也就是再对well-being定义一下?
比如 物质和精神层面的 物质:城市公共器材的设立、社保   精神:养老院、孤儿远之类的?
5#
发表于 2012-4-6 16:40:26 | 只看该作者
也就是再对well-being定义一下?
比如 物质和精神层面的 物质:城市公共器材的设立、社保   精神:养老院、孤儿远之类的?
-- by 会员 Jugg (2012/4/6 15:32:17)

是的
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