168 - 第一篇，请NN们给诊断一下吧

南瓜，这是我交的作业，仔细批，谢谢。

168

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

The issue of why many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries is a complex and controversial one, different people hold different view due to their respective angles. In the following analysis, I would like to present some of their reasons.

At first, the interest in mysterious exotic culture is one of the most important reasons that persons want to study abroad. As we know, different country has different culture, some are related, and some are separate. Most people are curious about the culture that is wholly different from that of their own and hope to know more about it. I have met a US student who is very interested in Chinese custom. He told me that when he read the book that introduce China, an ancient and mysterious oriental country, he was deeply intrigued by the culture of such beautiful eastern country and decided to study in China in his summer semester. It seems obvious that cultural diversity encourage us to study outside our home countries.

Another reason that is obvious is technologies and sciences. In a real sense, most developed industrial countries are in the Western and most countries in the Eastern are developing countries. Every year, many Chinese, Indian and singapore students go abroad to American, England, or Germany to study the advanced technologies and sciences of those developed nations. If you walk around the campus of the US, you will find that these students from eastern are filled almost every area of the scientific research: computer science, civil engineering, electrical engineering, law, and even religion, which is very different from that of the Eastern. Most of these students go back home after they finish their study and work in their own country by using the knowledge they obtained from the developed countries. To absorb the high level industrial technologies and sciences for their own country is of course one of the most important reasons why some students study abroad.

Obviously, to enhance the understanding of different countries, consort with many kinds of friends and improve their own foreign language, as well as to strengthen the ability to compete with others for job are other most important reasons why many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries.

In conclusion, because the world is becoming more and more integrated, the diversities of culture, science and any other aspects among different countries will improve the communication each other, and also will encourage many students to study abroad.

The issue of why many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries is a complex and controversial one, different people hold different view(views) due to their respective angles. In the following analysis,I would like to present some of their reasons.

At first, the interest in mysterious （and）exotic culture is one of the most important reasons that persons want to study abroad. As we know, different country has different culture（different countries have different cultures 【这样要不要好一点，country 是可数名词，用复数省得加冠词的麻烦】）,（.【标点】)
some are related, and some(others) are separate. Most people are curious about the culture that is wholly different from that of their own and hope to know more about it. I have met a US student who is very interested in (who interests in 或者 shows an interest in )Chinese custom. He told me that when he read the book that introduce (introduces)China, an ancient and mysterious oriental country, he was deeply intrigued by the culture of such beautiful eastern country and decided to study in China in his summer semester. It seems obvious that cultural diversity encourage (encourages) us to study outside our home countries.

Another reason that is obvious (Another obvious reason 【GMAT语法 n.+that+be+adj. 这样的表达法不好】） is technologies and sciences.

In a real sense, most developed industrial countries are in the Western（最好改成 western countries 【western 是adj. 做n.指的是西部牛仔片】） and most countries in the Eastern（most eastern countries) are developing countries.

Every year, many Chinese, Indian and singapore students go abroad to American, England, or Germany to study the advanced technologies and sciences of those developed nations.

(Every year, to study the advanced technologies and scineces, many Chinese, Indian and singapore students go to overseas developed countries, such as American, England and Germany.)  

If you walk around the campus of the US, you will find that these students from eastern are filled (fill up) almost every

area of the scientific research（every research field of science): computer science, civil engineering, electrical engineering, law, and even religion(【既然是scientific 那么law和 religion合适吗？】）, which is very different from that of the Eastern. Most of these students go back home after they finish their study and work in their own country by using the knowledge they obtained from the developed countries.

To absorb（introduce）the high level industrial technologies and sciences for（to) their own country is of course one of the most important reasons why some students study abroad.

Obviously, to enhance the understanding of different countries, consort with many kinds of friends and improve their own foreign language, as well as to strengthen the ability to compete with others for job are other most important reasons why many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries.(【这个句子写得太澎湃了，我看用to do，do and do 就够了；你可以分一个到第三段，用in addition加进去，要比现在挤在一块好】）

In conclusion, because the world is becoming more and more integrated, the diversities of culture, science and any other aspects among different countries will improve the communication （＋between 【each other 是pronoun】）each other, and also will encourage many students to study abroad(will not only improve the communication each other but also encourage many students to study abroad).