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[作文互改] argument132,第二篇,求拍~十分感谢

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发表于 2012-1-29 17:47:39 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
132. The following appeared in a letter to the school board in the town of Centerville.


"All students should be required to take the driver's education course at Centerville High School. In the past two years, several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers. Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers. Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction. Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
In this argument the author concludes that an effective and mandatory program about the driver's education course sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem--several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers in the past two years. To support this assertion the author first points out that a number of parents have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive. And then claims that parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction though there are two driving schools in Centerville. However, I find this argument specious on sever grounds.


One, the author unfairly assumes that teenage drivers are responsible for the accidents. However, it is very likely that the accidents are caused by adult drivers and teenagers are just victims. Moreover, it is also possible that some special factors unrelated to driving skills attribute to the accidents, such as the snowstorm, rugged landscape and so forth. Therefore, without ruling out this possibility, the author cannot justifiably depend on the accidents involved teenage drivers to draw any conclusion whatsoever.



Two, even if accidents are caused by teenage drivers, the author provides no clear evidence to justify the assumption that there are a large percentage of parents who are too busy to teach their children to drive. It is entirely possible that only a few of parents have no time to teach their children driving courses due to the busy work. Therefore, without detailed data of the quantity of parents having no time to teach their teenagers, the conclusion is still unpersuasive.



Three, the author irrationally assumes that the school has enough funding to sponsor the program and that the program makes effect. In all likelihood, the program needs a great deal of money to run and the school have no superfluous funding to sponsor it. What is more, the program might be of no effect, and this scenario is quite possible. However, the author overlooks these possibilities thus the conclusion is ill-conceived.



And finally, even the high school could afford the program and the program is effective, the  assert that the program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem is also irrational. Perhaps other solutions would be more efficient and economic. For example, some lectures and brochures could be given to propagate the driving knowledge. Without addressing the possibility the author cannot convince me that the program is the sole solution.


Summed up, the argument is not grounded on sound reasoning and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it the author must provide clear and persuasive evidence that the accidents are caused by teenage drivers. That the school has enough money to sponsor the program and the program is efficacious, in addition must prove that other solutions are noneffective.

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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-29 21:18:41 | 只看该作者
呵呵 麻烦各位给改改~万分感激~~
板凳
发表于 2012-1-29 21:56:38 | 只看该作者
1. And then he/she claims that the parents are on a tight budget and cannot afford to pay for driving instruction though there are two driving schools in Centerville. (compare the differences)
2. I find this argument specious (suspicious) on sever (several) grounds.
3. teenagers are (past tense, were) just victims.
4. such as the (you aren't talking about any particular snowstorm so instead you should say a snowstorm) snowstorm,
5. depend on the accidents involved (involving) teenage drivers to draw any conclusion (you said any plural so conclusion also needs to be plural, conclusions) whatsoever.
6. Two, even if (insert THE, because you are talking about accidents mentioned above) accidents are caused by teenage drivers,
7. only a few of (take out OF) parents have
8. their children driving courses (just write, their children how to drive)

I must say that I really like your writing style and that you had a very good argument
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