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[作文互改] issue第一篇 12号就要考试了 求大侠指点 不胜感激!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-1-3 21:26:35 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Should government offer a free university education to any student who is matriculated but cannot pay the tuition? When it comes to this problem, there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals in different regions,the advocators may totally agree with this. The claim made by the speaker contains somewhat that it is the government's role to aid the poor students, admittedly, the policy, if implemented, will permit large number impecunious but talented  students to attend to university, which will also, however, bring about some negative effects to the government, especially will burden the finacial pressure.

No one can doubt that there are so many students throughout the world, no matter in developed or developing countries, who have been matriculated by the university but can not attend it due to the family conditions, which, in reality, result into that the university education goes beyond their dreams ever.The policy the speaker claims, if implemented, will definitely lighten the burdern of numerous poor students families and help them to realize what they had long been dreaming.Moreover, without the consideration of high tuition fees, the poor students can focus more attention on their accademic study, spend more time on learning new skills, thus having more oppurtunities to horn their ability to become outstanding, which in turn, will benefit the society as a whole, even precipitate the development of the country or the world.

Desipite the numerous advantages, its negative aspects cannot be ignored.Such policy will definitely be accepted with alacrity by the poor families,nevertheless, it will generate lots of problems such as the high finacial pressure of the government. Consider, how many such students are there in a country, or even in a state? Admittedly, the government is responsible to this education problem mentioned above to some extent, and it should do great efforts to solve it, however, this does not mean the government itself should appropriate a big fund of money to improve the the situation. As we all know, except for the education problem, there are a still more problems such as the living conditions, the environment pollution, saving the endangered animals and so forth needed to be resolved. If this approach to solve the education problem is implemented, the fund appropriated to other problems will definitely diminish.Besides the pecuniary consideration, some students who are actually rich or wealthy may also find the loopholes of this policy to evade the regulations when it is implemented, which  is not unique but ubiquitous not only in the education field, but in field of business,the field of science study etc.

Moreover, it is not only the government's responsibility, to promote the education and resolve the problem, but the companies ,private or public; all of the classes,the upper or the low; all of the parties, the the republic or democratic, but the resposibility of the society as a whole. There is no doubt that the extent of the schooling of a nation determines, if not all, the prosperity and the development of the nation. Thus, the society,including the government, should spare no efforts to improve this condition.

In sum,the government together with the society ought to take some measures, not only the moneytary suport, to solve the problem, and permit the students who is matriculated but cannot pay the tuition fees to attend the university and promote the development of education, meanwhile, there should be a series of rigorous regulations to guarantee the efficiency of the measures.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-3 21:28:21 | 只看该作者
第一次发帖 也不太会编辑 大家勿喷啊~~~~~
板凳
发表于 2012-1-3 21:34:53 | 只看该作者
下次最好把题目发在最前面:)谢谢你的第一篇!
地板
发表于 2012-1-3 21:39:06 | 只看该作者
为什么没有谈谈关于衡量talent学生的标准 ?美国没有高考,这一点还挺难确定的。
我觉得作者的应为基础不错:)
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-3 21:40:01 | 只看该作者

嗯啊 好的

普渡哥 给指点下吧  我真不知道咋写呢!!!求指点啊!!!
6#
发表于 2012-1-3 21:51:44 | 只看该作者
我觉得这个贫穷的标准不好确定,天才的标准也不好确定;
学生没钱可以考虑拿贷款,这样可以帮助他们建立责任感

。。。。
7#
发表于 2012-1-3 21:52:11 | 只看该作者
good subject! Don't forget that some students may not study as hard if tuition was completely paid by the government, people that actually work for their education tend (note) to work harder at their studies.
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-5 09:20:36 | 只看该作者
谢谢啊~~~总算多了些思路~~第一篇 伤不起啊~~~
9#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-1-5 09:22:00 | 只看该作者
普渡哥,也就是说这个天才啥的标准就不定了是么?毕竟不太好定的啊,不过 贷款倒是可以帮助他们建立责任感倒是很好的一个说法~~谢谢啦 普渡哥~~
10#
发表于 2012-1-5 10:03:15 | 只看该作者
No one can doubt that there are so many students throughout the world, no matter in developed or developing countries, who have been matriculated by the university but can not attend it due to the family conditions, which, in reality, result into that the university education goes beyond their dreams ever.
写长句在GRE作文里面是挺忌讳的一件事,因为当读者读完一个个长长的句子还要长舒一口气的话,会吃力地,尤其是用长句比较多。其实最好的是用最简洁明了的句子最恰当地表达要表达的意思。简单句其实挺好的,如果使用得当。
另外,结构比较清晰合理。如果能够增加一些论证就更好了,比如完全资助的坏处不仅仅是带来财政负担,还可以是是使学生太过安逸而变得不爱学习,社会也不愿意投入等等。总之,Issue的逻辑需要严密些为好,简单了给人留下说服力不够的印象。
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