劳烦德克版主改一下 自己已经word了 保证绝无红线和绿线 骗你是德克的小猪

Independent writing

170. Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people?

          People are all socialized. From the Stone Age, we farmed, hunted, defended in groups by groups. No matter how overwhelming the natural disasters and how brutal the predators would be, we still survived. In current world, these were already long-gone history, however, personally I never doubt the notion that groups or organizations are crucial to people.

          For one thing, a group or organization can give people a certain identity. Recently, the world we have been living for millions of year is no longer what it used to be. Due to astonishing speed of scientific and economic development, people's lives have become much more complicated than ever before. During this process, many people lose themselves. They don not know what they are and what they really like, guided and mislead by massively pouring information and exaggerating advertisement. Therefore, being affiliated with a certain group or organization, like plenty of people do, will probably give a authentic sense of self, as long as you have chosen a right group or organization. Let us say, if you are fond of reading, the reader association will meet your appetite. If you are football fun, attending a football club will be a golden opportunity for you.

         For another, it is admitted that every single individual has limited resources, whether in financial field or intelligent domain. Thus, a group or organization can render you what you just need. For instance, when you are stuck in several obscure lines in a famous book, you can turn to a friend in a reader association. Through his or her assistance, you will taste the essence of the book much more profoundly and happily. In other words, via the exchange of thoughts with you counterparts, you will gain both knowledge and friendships. Another example is chatting with the people who are sharing the some interest as you. Usually, this resort is both faster and easier. Only at the expense of a few hours, you might benefit numerously.

         As discussed above, groups or organizations play an indispensable role in people's lives, not only for meeting the desire of human nature, but also for a better structure of a stable world.

(字数可能少了一点,排除标点,应该只有300词左右)

People are all socialized. From the Stone Age, we farmed, hunted, defended in groups by groups. No matter how overwhelming(devastating) the natural disasters and how brutal the predators would be(were吧,毕竟是已经发生过的事情), we(human kind更好) still survived. In current world, these were already long-gone history. However(however是一个副词,所以它不能用来连接2个句子,所以这里我将however前的逗号改为了句号), personally I never doubt the notion that groups or organizations are crucial to people.

For one thing, a group or organization can give people a certain identity. Recently, the world we have been living for millions of year is no longer what it used to be(这句话意义不大). Due to astonishing speed of scientific and economic development, people's lives have become much more complicated than ever before. During this process, many people lose themselves. They do not know what they are and what they really like,
                    guided and mislead by massively pouring information and exaggerating advertisement(划线部分的语法上是肯定错误的.应该改为Many people who are misled by plenty of information and exaggerating advertisements do not know what they really like.). Therefore, being affiliated with a certain group or organization, like plenty of(plenty of只能用来形容不可数名词,这里可以说a multitude of/legions of) people do, will probably give a authentic sense of self, as long as you have chosen a right group or organization. Let us say, if you are fond of reading, the reader association will meet your appetite. If you are football fun, attending a football club will be a golden opportunity for you.(你这段很让我confused.我不知道你要说什么,你也没有说明why organization give people a sense of self.这样的论述是不可以的,namely,是相当失败的.你这个论点,就是很失败的.你在段首写的identity,而后面的论述和identity的关系不大,而且,这样的一个论点本来就很不好写.所以你应该换一个论点.比如,group and organization help people develop habits and release pressure.这样写:In groups and organization, say reading club, collecting club, hiking club, there are legions of people who share the same interests with you. Namely, you can meet like-minded people, get advice, compare recent discoveries and exchange experiences. So your circle of friends grows and your habit is gradually formed. Therefore, via joining in those groups and organizations, your leisure time could be occupied constructively-leave no time for boredom and, because your mind is insinuated into another field of interest, your intense grasp triggered by work pressure releases.然后接一句:所以xxx是重要的.)

For another, it is admitted that every single individual has limited resources(这个论点很好), whether in financial field or intelligent domain(简洁一点:financially and intelligently). Thus, a group or organization can render you what you just need(这里可以形象的说slake your thirst in resources). For instance, when you are stuck in several obscure lines in a famous book, you can turn to a friend in a reader association. Through his or her assistance, you will taste the essence(essence的意思是基本,而quintessence的意思是精华,所以我建议你用quintessence) of the book much more profoundly and happily(happily完全是一个低级的,不搭调的词汇,这里大可不必.). In other words, via the exchange of thoughts with you counterparts(group members可能会好一些.counterparts强调的是地位对等.), you will gain both knowledge and friendships. Another example is chatting with the people who are sharing the some interest as you. Usually, this resort is both faster and easier. Only at the expense of a few hours, you might benefit numerously.(我发现起用了不少的you,其实,我一直都是建议使用one而不是you.)

As discussed above, groups or organizations play an indispensable role in people's lives, not only for meeting the desire of human nature, but also for a better structure of a stable world.

十万分的感谢