[求助]写了三篇文章请大家多提意见，第一次写

请大家多给些建议和意见，马上要考试了，看看我那方面需要改进！谢谢！

1。Topic：Movies and televisions make more negative effects than positive effects on young people’s behavior.

Nowadays with the rapid development of technology, movies and televisions have come into being, which greatly facilitates people’s lives and adds more entertainment to our spare time. However, though we enjoy more convenience brought by these kinds of entertainment, we, especially young people have suffered a lot from these seemingly wonderful media.

Firstly, with more time donated to movies and televisions watching, young people have less and less time to communicate with their parents. As a result, the family tie has become loosen day by day. In addition, children have less access to such crucial information as what the society is like and how to make their career plan from their parents. Secondly, the plots in movies and the TV series attach too much emphasis on ideal love and also greatly simplify social relationship. Influenced by these plots, children are highly likely unable to deal with real life relationship with other people. Besides, the undue embroidery about violence in these media tends to direct young people’s behavior. To be more specific, when faced with a problem children are inclined to resort to violence to solve it, resulting in a greater grief. Last but not least, spending much time on TV and movies will lead to eye strain. Moreover, according to a recent research, the radiation sent by TV can do harm to people.

Admittedly, good programmes such as educational programmes, Exploration, Science can broaden young people’s horizon and deepen their thought. Forest Gump tells us not to give up once you make up your mind, the lord of Ring teaches us to pay attention to group work, and even Titanic reveals us the power of love. However, these kinds of programmes constitute a relatively small proportion of all the movies and television content. Worse still, since parents have become much busier than before, they hardly have any time monitoring what their children are watching. Therefore, children are likely to be led to the astray due to the flooded various harmful content in these two media.

All in all, though movies and televisions greatly contribute to the progression of the world, in term of young people, they make more negative effects than positive effects on young offspring’s’ behavior.

At present, many people around me pay little attention to the events happening around the world. They justify themselves that these events are unlikely to have any effect on their daily life. Therefore, why bother to care these kinds of things? For example, the war in Iraq will not harm our life, the rise of oil price in the United States has no connection to China, and the change of the president of the United Union will not disturb our daily routine. However, as far as I am concerned, the event happening around the world can direct our behavior, teach us how to react to certain situations and cultivate our concern and affection about the whole world.

Firstly, the world events can direct our behavior. When learning the severe and long-lasting war caused by the lack of oil, we know, as a member of the earth, we should save energy as much as possible. When knowing the pollution has claimed thousands of people’s lives we should cease the output of untreated waste to our living environment.  When hearing Mandela’s life long legend we should also learn from him that “once determined, never give up”.

In addition, the event happening around the world also teaches us how to react to certain situations. The tragedy of 911 tells the world that we should possess basic knowledge of how to deal with the emergence--- that is if faced with a dangerous situation, one should be calm and find a way out. Besides, the heated debate of the president campaign will unconsciously develop your logic and skill of analysis, which will do good to your future life.

Last but least, the worldwide happening cultivates our concern and affection about the whole world. The people living in poverty cause a rise of sympathy within our hearts, the success of the entry of WTO will make us be proud of our motherland, and even the activity of setting animals free will cultivate our affection of the nature and the appreciation of our homestead.

Though a majority of events happening in a day seem unrelated to our daily life, a deep analysis of these events will reveal to us that they are even more helpful than the events that appear to be beneficial to ourselves.

Topic: Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education.

Nowadays many people think it necessary to include science, instead of art, music and drama, to child’s early stage of education. They reason that people would make more progression on astronomy, medical care and other highly skilled fields of technology, which will let us know more about the world and bring more comforts to our daily lives. However, I strongly oppose this kind of proportion. Early art education also counts much in the development of children.

Firstly, according to a recent research, the learning of art, music, and drama in the early age will contribute much to children’s cognitive development. The research states that learning these subjects can train our right sphere of brain that has the functions of analysis and abstract thinking. Therefore, early approach to art education can provide children an adequate foundation to learn Math, physics and philosophy.

In addition, since children’s vocabulary is relatively limited, they are unable to read many books to gain the primary knowledge of the world. On the contrary, almost every child can resort to art, music, and drama to achieve this goal. For example, the imaginative and simple poems of William Blake’s “Songs of Innocence ” will give children a vague idea of the society, and the easy-to-understand songs for children are not only interesting but also teach them a multitude of conventions and customs within the society.

Last but least, art, music, and drama can make children to appreciate things around them and the whole world. The “Sun Flower” by Van Gough teach children to love the world and be optimistic about life, the graceful compositions by John 施特劳斯 （不太知道英文咋说）reveals us the beautiful scenery of countryside, and elegant ballets show young people the perfect combination of significant music and exquisite dancing.

All in all, subjects such as art, music and drama have played an important part in children’s early development. Consequently, it is undoubted that we should include these subjects to their basic education.

Nowadays(不要用nowadays,用currently) with the rapid development of technology, movies and televisions have come into being, which greatly facilitates(have facilitated) people’s lives(把前面的greatly改为a great deal) and adds(add) more entertainment to our spare(leisure) time. However, though we enjoy more convenience brought by these kinds of entertainment, we, especially young people(generation) have suffered a lot from these seemingly wonderful media.

Firstly(For one thing), with more time donated to(其实donate强调的是捐献钱和器官，这里可以说dissipate,挥霍) movies and televisions watching, young people have less and less time to communicate with their parents(你的前面有个more and more，这里的less and less和那个显得重复，我建议写为：left the young generation pathetically limited time to communicate with their parents). As a result, the family tie has become loosen day by day(has become是完成的意思，而day by day是渐进的意思，这两个概念有矛盾。所以，要么不用has become改用becomes,要么不用day by day). In addition, children have less access to such crucial information as what the society is like(society is like这个表达太牵强，这里用:what is happening outside) and how to make their career plans from their parents.