[求助]AIA12欢迎拍砖，多多指教

These day we often hear such a complain that people are less likely to communicate with each other with technology increasing the speed of communication, other than on the most superficial level. But this is the really case? Obviously, people will find it almost important to come to agreement on this highly controversial issue. In the last analysis, a different view which I prefer is gained in a wider context—such is the technology that converts a great number of so called most superficial level communications into a deeper and broader one.

For one thing, no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want. As a result of such technology as potable computer, mobile telephone, and even television, we can communicate with people all around the world without spending a great deal of time in taking all kind of vehicles so as to see the one we intend to talk with. What is more, in large part as a consequence of technology, we have more time saved than ever to communicate with others deeper and thorough, focusing attention on either just a few point deeper or the person we in favor of. Finally technology, one that make our communication beyond times, territories and even races, provides us with more choice to talk more free and better.

For another thing, not only dose the technology bring us more chooses, but also give us the variety of ways to convey ourselves, making the communication more effective and lively. Imaging talking with an expert in some particular field, if we just use language, we might have confused with a technical term and have difficulty to express our feeling and comprehension about the term, QQ, MSN, and other technology will play a key role in showing what we are propose to, contributing to the function of these tools in transferring image, music voice and so on.

Admittedly, we might have little chance to communicate with each other face to face when the technology caters our needs to save time in such a fast-rhyme society. No talking for face to face does not, however, equal to the most superficial communication. On the one hand, we could talk with the person who has the common interest with us no matter where he or she is. On the other hand, given that two persons meet, but they have apathetic about each other, just smile and wave their hand. It is the very event that could be the most superficial communication. On the contrary, were it not for the anonymous way by using technology like internet arouses our less retain chatting, we would have more superficial communication.

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.

For one thing, no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want没有什么因素比科技更重要？句子的主干是不是不够说明你的意思？由于是中心句，建议写得更清晰一点. As a result of such technology as potable computer, mobile telephone, and even television, we can communicate with people all around the world without spending a great deal of time inon? taking all kind of vehicles so as to see the one we intend to talk with. What is more, in large part as a consequence of technology, we have more time saved than ever to communicate with others deeper and more thorough, focusing attention on either just a few point deeper or the person we are in favor of. Finally technology, one that make our communication beyond times时间没有复数, territories and even races, provides us with more choices to talk more freely and in a better way. 这些语法和单词错误你如果再检查一遍的话，应该是可以避免的。所以留出来时间review自己的文章，无论是平时还是考试的时候，都很重要。还有很多，你自己注意下下喽。我就不一个一个帮你挑出来了。6-6

For one thing, no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want没有什么因素比科技更重要？句子的主干是不是不够说明你的意思？由于是中心句，建议写得更清晰一点. As a result of such technology as potable computer, mobile telephone, and even television, we can communicate with people all around the world without spending a great deal of time inon? taking all kind of vehicles so as to see the one we intend to talk with. What is more, in large part as a consequence of technology, we have more time saved than ever to communicate with others deeper and more thorough, focusing attention on either just a few point deeper or the person we are in favor of. Finally technology, one that make our communication beyond times时间没有复数, territories and even races, provides us with more choices to talk more freely and in a better way. 这些语法和单词错误你如果再检查一遍的话，应该是可以避免的。所以留出来时间review自己的文章，无论是平时还是考试的时候，都很重要。还有很多，你自己注意下下喽。我就不一个一个帮你挑出来了。6-6

For another thing, not only dose the technology bring us more chooses, but also give us the variety of ways to convey ourselves, making the communication more effective and lively. For example (指示词让考官更阅卷更容易）Imaging talking with an expert in some particular field, if we just use language, we might have confused with a technical term and have difficulty to express our feeling and comprehension about the term, QQ, MSN, and other technology will play a key role in showing what we are propose to, contributing to the function of these tools in transferring image, music voice and so on. 举例子举的很恰当，这种方法我很喜欢。如果再把例子说的透彻具体一点就更棒了。另外，contributing to在这里是你要表达的意思吗？困惑。
            

For another thing, not only dose the technology bring us more chooses, but also give us the variety of ways to convey ourselves, making the communication more effective and lively. For example (指示词让考官更阅卷更容易）Imaging talking with an expert in some particular field, if we just use language, we might have confused with a technical term and have difficulty to express our feeling and comprehension about the term, QQ, MSN, and other technology will play a key role in showing what we are propose to, contributing to the function of these tools in transferring image, music voice and so on. 举例子举的很恰当，这种方法我很喜欢。如果再把例子说的透彻具体一点就更棒了。另外，contributing to在这里是你要表达的意思吗？困惑。
    

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.鼓掌！

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.鼓掌！

水平不错滴！个人建议：1、语法，句式和单词的细节，建议多对自己的文章进行修改，弄清楚自己常犯的错误；2、主题句一定要写得漂亮，意思清楚。如果考官看到主题句就晕了的话，可能就不会给太高分数了；3、第三段没有相应的指示词；For example, but. furthermore, however等等表达意思转折的词也尽量用上，方便考官阅读。

有不同意见的地方，大家讨论讨论。

以下是引用Cantaloupe在2006-9-26 14:59:00的发言：
These days (Recently) we often hear such a complain that people are less likely to communicate with each other with technology increasing the speed of communication, other than on the most superficial level. But this is the really the case? Obviously, people will find it almost important有歧意，想说很重要还是不可能？我的意思是说impossible，打错了太不好意思 to come to an agreement on this highly controversial issue. In the last analysis, a different view which I prefer is gained in a wider context—such is the technology that converts a great number of so called most superficial level communications into a deeper and broader one.
 

For one thing, no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want没有什么因素比科技更重要？句子的主干是不是不够说明你的意思？由于是中心句，建议写得更清晰一点.这里我觉得好像没问题啊，which做定语从句修饰 technology不是已经把我的中心意思表达出来了吗，技术让我们的交流不受时间和地点的限制啊As a result of such technology as potable computer, mobile telephone, and even television, we can communicate with people all around the world without spending a great deal of time inon? taking all kind of vehicles so as to see the one we intend to talk with. What is more, in large part
                            这个错在哪里？as a consequence of technology, we have more time saved than ever to communicate with others deeper and more thorough, 这个我不懂改，如果要表达两个比较级一个是单音节一个是多音节的形容词应该怎么处理？请指教focusing attention on either just a few point deeper or the person we are in favor of. Finally technology, one that make our communication beyond times时间没有复数,有道理 territories and even races, provides us with more choices to talk more freely and in a better way. 这些语法和单词错误你如果再检查一遍的话，应该是可以避免的。所以留出来时间review自己的文章，无论是平时还是考试的时候，都很重要。还有很多，你自己注意下下喽。我就不一个一个帮你挑出来了。6-6

For one thing, no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want没有什么因素比科技更重要？句子的主干是不是不够说明你的意思？由于是中心句，建议写得更清晰一点.这里我觉得好像没问题啊，which做定语从句修饰 technology不是已经把我的中心意思表达出来了吗，技术让我们的交流不受时间和地点的限制啊As a result of such technology as potable computer, mobile telephone, and even television, we can communicate with people all around the world without spending a great deal of time inon? taking all kind of vehicles so as to see the one we intend to talk with. What is more, in large part
                    这个错在哪里？as a consequence of technology, we have more time saved than ever to communicate with others deeper and more thorough, 这个我不懂改，如果要表达两个比较级一个是单音节一个是多音节的形容词应该怎么处理？请指教focusing attention on either just a few point deeper or the person we are in favor of. Finally technology, one that make our communication beyond times时间没有复数,有道理 territories and even races, provides us with more choices to talk more freely and in a better way. 这些语法和单词错误你如果再检查一遍的话，应该是可以避免的。所以留出来时间review自己的文章，无论是平时还是考试的时候，都很重要。还有很多，你自己注意下下喽。我就不一个一个帮你挑出来了。6-6

For another thing, not only dose the technology bring us more chooses, but also give us the variety of ways to convey ourselves, making the communication more effective and lively. For example (指示词让考官更阅卷更容易）Imaging talking with an expert in some particular field, if we just use language, we might have confused with a technical term and have difficulty to express our feeling and comprehension about the term, QQ, MSN, and other technology will play a key role in showing what we are propose to, contributing to the function of these tools in transferring image, music voice and so on. 举例子举的很恰当，这种方法我很喜欢。如果再把例子说的透彻具体一点就更棒了。另外，contributing to在这里是你要表达的意思吗？困惑。谢谢，我想表达的是由于的意思，可以这么用吗？

For another thing, not only dose the technology bring us more chooses, but also give us the variety of ways to convey ourselves, making the communication more effective and lively. For example (指示词让考官更阅卷更容易）Imaging talking with an expert in some particular field, if we just use language, we might have confused with a technical term and have difficulty to express our feeling and comprehension about the term, QQ, MSN, and other technology will play a key role in showing what we are propose to, contributing to the function of these tools in transferring image, music voice and so on. 举例子举的很恰当，这种方法我很喜欢。如果再把例子说的透彻具体一点就更棒了。另外，contributing to在这里是你要表达的意思吗？困惑。谢谢，我想表达的是由于的意思，可以这么用吗？

 

Admittedly, we might have little chance to communicate with each other face to face when the technology caters our needs to save time in such a fast-rhyme society. No talking for face to face does not, however, equal to the most superficial communication在下对此句（貌似中心句）句法很不解，跟楼主讨论。这句however做插入语，去掉插入语就是分词做名词，这个名词NO talking做主语，谓语是does not equal，不知这样能明白吗，继续讨论. On the one hand, we could talk with the person who has the common interest with us no matter where he or she is. On the other hand, given that two persons meet, but they have apathetic about each other, just smile and wave their hand. It is the very event that could be the most superficial communication. On the contrary, 倒装句很漂亮，但真正的主语是？讨论。主语是we,it 是形式主语吧我想，这是我在GMAT的题中发现的句子但是忘了出处了不好意思were it not for the anonymous way by using technology like internet arouses our less retain chatting, we would have more superficial communication.该段段首缺少指示性词语表明逻辑关系，不利于机器给高分。表示让步的admittedly不可以作为指示性词语表明逻辑关系吗？困惑
 

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.鼓掌！

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.鼓掌！

To conclude, the above-discussed reasons should in a large sense justify my claim that technological pave the way for our deeper and broader communication.鼓掌！

水平不错滴！个人建议：1、语法，句式和单词的细节，建议多对自己的文章进行修改，弄清楚自己常犯的错误；2、主题句一定要写得漂亮，意思清楚。如果考官看到主题句就晕了的话，可能就不会给太高分数了；3、第三段没有相应的指示词；For example, but. furthermore, however等等表达意思转折的词也尽量用上，方便考官阅读。

有不同意见的地方，大家讨论讨论。

For example, but. furthermore, however等等表达意思转折的词也尽量用上，方便考官阅读。这句话对我启发很大，谢谢MM热心解答评改让我非常感动，望能继续交流回帖

no factor is more significant than technology which can make communication whenever and wherever we want 

1、Significant的原意是意味深长的，重大的，有影响的，但和important侧重点略有不同，如果在他的后面能够补充一个介宾短语表示对象，感觉句子会更完整些，Be significant of......在。。。方面更有影响

2、后半部分还原为：Technology can make communication whenever and wherever we want. 似乎不大通顺。偶的建议：

No factor contributes more significantly than technology to the increased speed and widened range of communication.

或者是：No factor plays a more significant role than technology in increasing the speed and widening the range of communication.

 deeper and more thorough  我查了一下，thorough 这个词是没有比较级的。thoroughly and more deeply  或者in a deeper level.

Contribute to: 愿意为捐献...给...，引申为促进，对。。。有帮助，好像和楼主的意思相反哦。

后面的两个倒装句，前句里面都有个for把偶搞糊涂了，查查在讨论。Admittedly,..however..可以表示逻辑转折，偶错了。

In large part 偶没有见过。in a large part?