[推荐]Personal Achievement Essay Naomi K. (Admitted by Wharton)

Leveraging my experience as a volunteer for Big Brothers/Big Sisters, I then formed an organization, [organization name] (Slavic for "helper of brave warrior") whose sole aim is to bring together host families and beneficiary families. The Adjutant General's Office provides us with the contact information and estimated financial needs of the families of the slain soldiers, and we match them with a host family living abroad who donates up to $30 a month. The beneficiary family is required to write the host family every month about the child's academic performance and furnish them and [organization name] with grade reports. [Paragraph is full of specific details that make achievement credible]

While talking to some Bosnians living in the United States about my plan to set up the fund, I learned that they were uncomfortable with the lack of transparency in the way funds would be disbursed. To address their fears and ensure the appropriate disbursal of the donated funds, I am now contacting Bosnia-based banks to help us facilitate a one-to-one transfer of funds between the host and beneficiary families. I am also setting up a web site (http://www.organizationname.com) to promote the cause amongst Bosnians living abroad. I plan to recruit more volunteers and meet a target of ten host families by year's end by starting low-cost campaigns like chain e-mails and by setting up information booths at Yugoslavian functions. [ magnifies impact of her achievement by showing she plans to expand it ]

The change in my outlook that Lonnie effected opened my eyes to the responsibility each of us has to serve our local community, whether it's down the street or on the other side of the globe. Because Lonnie let me help him in his community I was able to establish [organization name] to serve my own community by rehabilitating the families of soldiers who sacrificed their lives for Bosnia's security.

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