12.15考,迄今为止第一篇独立作文...

乖乖871116

我没有看任何模版,因为觉得300字的情况下如果再套用模版的话能写的内容就更少了,所以自己胡乱写了一篇~

12月15就要考试了,这是我第一篇independent writing, 至于integrated writing还没有开始呢...

大家看到了给点意见吧,很短的,300多字,我觉得够了,写到400以上简直就是得不偿失~~

Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy.

 

 

Nowadays, many people thought that the richer you are, the less happiness you own. It is possible because some people regard money as the only objective in their life, thus they are on their way to pursuing money. People with much desire can never be satisfied, so they feel that the more money they get, the unhappier they will be. In my opinion, however, it can not be an excuse for not going to work. The reasons are as follows.

 

First of all, our life goal should be a high social status, a happy family or a successful achievement in business, but not a large amount of money. A right goal can encourage us to work hard. Take my mother for example. When she was young, her family was very poor so that it was hard to afford the tuition. She studied hard and tried her best to earn money. Her effects make the whole family, including my grandparents and I, live a happy life now.

 

Second, whether you are happy or not with a lot of money depends on your attitude to money. Bacon once said:” Money is a good servant but a bad master.” If you consider it just as a tool to improve your life and work hard for it, it can not only lead to a better life but also help you to learn a lot that will benefit you in the future.

 

Third, no evidence shows that rich people are unhappy because of money. Take Bill Gates for example, he used to be the richest people in the world. Yet he is enjoying his happy life. He does a lot of charities and gives his hand to people who need his help. People feel impressed by his behavior, which makes him happy too. He still works hard during his workday, not for himself, but for the whole world.

 

In sum, I believe that those people who thought that money makes them unhappy and who lack of energy to go to work should change their mind. They will find that happiness is also a kind of stimulus for working hard for money.

乖乖871116

为什么没人愿意给点意见呢?

额...批评了我才知道哪里需要改啊...

Lucyibt

据说ETS不大喜欢用should， must 类似的比较说教式的词语~

乖乖871116

这样啊,谢谢阿~~~我会注意的~

pingr

MM.我想firstly, secondly,这类转折词虽然经典，但似乎多少有点生硬，你觉得呢？

some_one

写到400以上简直就是得不偿失

这个不是的吧.关键是能把事情阐述清楚倒是.我倒是觉得字数少拿高分,要求你的语言更好,结构安排和构思更合理才行.

在老托福的满分作文里,写在400多字的是占了多数的吧

memoivy

MM，我也觉得firstly, secondly这些词不大好，其实你不一定要放在段首。

mimino

我觉得第一和第二个论点你写的不够支持观点`~~尤其是第二个.第三个你写的还比较有feel`~

mnbqwe10

还是觉得字数是王道。。。

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-12-6 1:57:21编辑过]

pretty_gal

我很想知道，这个题目是问 people rarelly happy 还是说 work 不work？

我个人认为题目是问 rarelly happy？ 而work不work只是修饰 那些有钱人的。

不工作却有钱的人很少快乐吗？

所以我想如果LZ不同意这个观点，是否就应该写不工作的有钱人很快乐？或者是工作并不能决定快乐，有钱也不一定不快乐。

觉得这题目的审题的确有点难度。